So many people confuse sex or the act of making love as intimacy. They couldn’t be more wrong!  Understanding intimacy is very important when in a relationship with someone, for it is only in understanding intimacy that we can truly achieve it.

In understanding intimacy one needs to firstly understand that true intimacy is about connecting on a deep and intimate level with someone . Intimacy is about sharing your needs and desires and your inner most feelings with someone together with sharing your body.

Why do so many of us have trouble understanding Intimacy?

I suppose intimacy is not really someone we learn at school and sometimes things happen to us in our journey through life that cause us to fear intimacy.  For real intimacy to be achieved the basis is trust.  Trusting in yourself and trusting another person enough for them to know everything about you.  Everything about how you feel, what you like, what your fears are, to know and understand you physically on a sexual level.

Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it with someone takes courage and commitment and of course love. Courage to expose yourself to someone else, so they can truly see you for who you are. Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it certainly takes commitment, a dedication to the relationship, a willingness to grow and learn with and about the other person.

More tips on understanding and achieving intimacy can be found here.

When we begin a relationship intimacy is simple, we cannot seem to get enough of that person!  As time passes however and the relationship continues it is very easy to slip into complacency. Remember being in a relationship and being intimate with someone takes effort!

One of the most important ingredients in a successful intimate relationship is the ability to communicate.  Communicate when you like something the other person does not just when you don’t!  Communication sexually is just as important.

Understanding intimacy and achieving it with a partner brings a special bond, its the very basis for getting up each day, that passion and desire for another!

By

MaryAnn Roche

Tags: intimacy, Love, Love Unconditionally, loving relationship, Relationships, trust, Unconditional Love

When life hands you a situation that is tough, you may need to lean on other people for comfort. But what if you’re the person that needs to provide the shoulder? It is a difficult job being the one that stays strong for the other person.

How you provide comfort will vary depending on the person you’re comforting and what it is they’ve gone through. However, there are basic tips to keep in mind when you’re consoling someone.

Here are some strategies to follow that can help you provide much-needed comfort to those you care about:

1. Uplift them. When someone is asking you for comfort, chances are that they’re not asking you for advice.  In reality, they just need someone to be there to satisfy their emotional needs.  Do not try to solve their problems unless you’re asked for advice. In that case, you’re free to provide any advice that you may feel you have to offer.

2. Listen well. It’s a good idea to try to develop your listening skills. Being a good listener is truly striving to understand what the other person is trying to express to you. Remember that you can provide a large degree of comfort just by lending an open ear to the person who is suffering.

3. Offer your unconditional help. Sometimes it can be a comfort just to know that the other person is there.  Tell the person that’s suffering that they can openly discuss their problems with you at any time they need help to get through the day.

4. Share a hug. It will depend on the relationship that you have with the person you’re comforting, but you can provide physical comfort with a hug. Hugs simply make people feel better and warm the heart! The human touch can melt the soul and say so much without words.

5. Be understanding. You may not know what it’s like to go through the particular tough time that you’re helping with, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t understand the pain they feel. Do your best to try and understand where this person is coming from.

Understanding Grief

If you’re helping a person deal with loss, you’ll also be helping them with their inner grief. Grief is a natural emotion to go through when you find yourself facing such things as a traumatic loss.

If you gain a better understanding of grief, you may be able to offer your comfort in a helpful thoughtful manner.

Stages of Grief

There are different stages of grief and different people spend varying amounts of time on each stage.  No two people are the same so there are no hard and fast rules.  Often the stages aren’t even expressed in the same order.

Grief normally starts with the initial shock of the loss, then accompanied by denial.  Then pain and anger sets in, which can last for long periods of time.  Depression can often set in before the person journeys into acceptance.

While you don’t want to push a person through the stages of grief too fast, do whatever you can to help them along the journey to acceptance. When a person is angry, be an open ear and reassure them. Help them see their problem or loss from a different perspective.

Depression can be difficult to overcome since the person tends to lose interest in the world around them.  Having you to rely on can make a difference. Show them that the world hasn’t given up on them, so they shouldn’t give up on themselves either.

With your support, and the help of a professional, eventually they will come to terms with and accept their loss.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: comfort, depression, emotional support, empathic, grief, sadness, Unconditional Love, understanding

Unconditional Love – Want Some?

What’s required to show someone unconditional love when you’re in a relationship? Being there physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, through thick and thin, no matter what may happen is unconditional love.

In order to build a solid foundation in any healthy relationship, whether it’s a marriage, friendship or relationships with a sibling or child, you must learn to love unconditionally without limits or judgment.

Loving someone unconditionally can be hard to do and goes against the grain you were probably taught in today’s Western society. Society tells you to get even or get revenge. However, to love unconditionally requires forgiveness and letting go of the wrongs.

So How Do You Love Unconditionally?

* Emotionally:

When you’re with someone emotionally, you’re offering your support by allowing them to honestly and openly express their feeling.

Supporting someone emotionally with unconditional love also means that you’re there selflessly to help them work through their feelings. The goal is for the person to rise above the negative emotions and turn them into positive ones. You’re the shoulder to cry on!


* Mentally:

Supporting a loved one mentally means that you help them think through their actions, motives, and desires. You help them do this by finding out what’s going on inside. To support someone mentally requires you to help your loved one process their thoughts through to all possible outcomes.


* Physically:

Being “there” for someone physically means just what the word implies. You’re there for them in person, standing by their side, listening to them, or talking with them so they’re not alone. This may be at three in the afternoon, or three in the morning!


* Spiritually:

Spiritually supporting a loved one means you pray for and with them and help them grow in all aspects of their life – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Often spiritual support is given without a person being aware, through prayer.


Unconditional love does not mean……

giving into every whim or desire. Often people confuse unconditional love with spoiling. Giving into a person’s every want or desire when it isn’t appropriate can actually harm their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being. For example, giving into your kid’s demands for junk food may make them happy today, but it isn’t a good source of nourishment in the long run.


Love Unconditionally by Letting Go


True love is shown when you try to help another become a better person and unconditional love is shown when you still love them even if they refuse to change. 


Many times it’s necessary to “let go” of a loved one, while still loving them unconditionally, because they refuse to take the necessary steps to improve. An example of this would be an alcoholic or drug addict. You still love the person, but when they refuse to work at overcoming their addiction or don’t care about themselves or who they’re hurting, you must let go.

Sometimes this means, letting them spiral down until they hit rock bottom. Often you get hurt in the process because you love them and don’t want to see them go down this road, so loving unconditionally also means that you’ll be there for them when they’re ready to try again.


So YOU Want Some Unconditional Love?

Love isn’t an emotion or feeling – it’s a choice. This is especially true with unconditional love. In healthy relationships, you show unconditional love by overlooking petty mistakes and forgoing judgment and grudges. Unconditional love requires self-sacrifice and forgiveness on your part and it’s through unconditional love that those you care about will change for the better.

And to finish off – if you can follow the above advice and show unconditional love, you will find that all of a sudden you are receiving love unconditionally in return! – Enjoy!

Tags: Healthy Realtionships, Love, Love Unconditionally, Relationships, Unconditional Love