Many adult women of today where told by their parents, when they were little girls, to be nice, quiet, obedient and not to complain. They wanted to be good in order not to upset mommy and daddy, so they did what they were told. They obeyed and when there was something they didn’t like, they kept it to themselves.

 These little girls grew up and today they are thirty, forty, fifty. They are experienced, self-confident and educated. But even today they are subconsciously afraid of admitting that something is wrong. They fear that their partner will blame them for creating problems, get upset and eventually stop loving them. However, being tight-lipped is one of the most destructive relationship mistakes. And if you don’t dare to talk about what bothers you and to express your wishes, you’re not being a good girl at all. On the contrary.

We all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Usually, women are considered more communicative, while men tend to find it more difficult to open up, show their emotions and discuss relationship issues.

However, there is one communication area in which we, women, often do not excel. Many of us have problems telling the truth when something is wrong and expressing exactly what we want. Instead, we expect men to see what’s wrong and to guess what we want. The bad news is that men are no mind readers and most of the time they believe what we tell them.

Let’s have a look at this typical example: Your partner asks you if you’re okay. You say that you are. He’s happy and goes about his day. But in reality, you’re not okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you’re sad, maybe you have a headache, maybe he said something or did something annoying. However, you don’t say a word because you expect him to know, to see it, to feel it. He would, if he really loved you, right? So you get frustrated and furious. He doesn’t understand why you’re snapping at him, and he says you’re hysterical. It makes you even more furious because you’re angry for a reason. He still doesn’t understand. You end up fighting for nothing. Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s quite possible that your mum or your best friend really see when something is wrong and don’t leave you alone until you tell them. However, most men are much more straightforward and a bit less empathetic than women, and when you say you’re fine, they take your word for it.

So my advice is: Speak up and tell your partner how you feel and what you think. Believe me, he can take it. Actually, he’ll be happy to listen, advice and help, or just to hug you and support you.

The same rule applies to relationship issues. Maybe something he does (or did) has been bugging you for some time. Maybe you would like to spend more time together or do different things. Maybe his habits are ticking you off. He can’t know it unless you tell him, and such little “secrets” have ruined many good relationships. The tension keeps building up, you’re not happy, he can see that but he doesn’t understand why. It leads to unnecessary fights and even to break-ups.

Your partner wants your relationship to work, just like you do. He wants to be happy, just like you want him to be happy. And he wants to know what’s going on in your head, just like you want to know what’s going on in his. Talking about things that bother you and about those that you want or long for should become a natural part of your relationship. So start today. Tell your partner you want to discuss something over a good meal on Friday night and believe me, he’ll be ready to listen. Don’t accuse each other and don’t complain, just talk about things that you would like to change. Stop keeping your worries to yourself. You’re in this together, it’s your relationship and you love each other, so be honest and open. And remember, hints are useless and they don’t work, so don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. You will see that straightforwardness is something that men deeply appreciate.

 Written by Barbora Knobova.

Tags: boost your self esteem, confidence, happiness, Love, personal development, positive thinking, Relationships, respect, Self Esteem and Confidence

From Lisa’s Chair

The journey I have been on over the last five years is something most people, me included, only read about or see in the movies.  It has been a journey of highs, lows, laughter, tears and mostly of survival and self discovery.  A journey of developing into the person I have become today.  From the lows of lying in a Spinal unit to the highs of seeing the sparkling lights of the famous “Las Vegas Strip”.

It all began this time 5 years ago with a slight nagging pain in my upper arm.  I came home from my working day and commented to my partner that my upper arm was sore.  This progressed quite quickly to a pain that affected my daily routine, stopping me from working, sleeping and socialising.  I found myself at the emergency department of our major hospital, to be given the diagnosis of a massive bulging disc on my C5/C6.  After trying so many lotions and potions I was advised  by my doctor that the only option was surgery.  I was then booked to see a “Very well known and experienced” Neurosurgeon.  I was excited to be seeing this person who would take away my pain and give me my life back.  He assured me it was a very simple operation, and I would have more hope of being hit by a bus when he discharged me, than of anything going wrong.  I was so full of hope and could hardly wait until this wonderful person was going to give me my life back, 9th February 2005.  I could never had known how his words would ring in my ears for the rest of my life………3 to 5 days, you will be back home, pain free.  Those words started me on a journey of self development into the stronger person I have become today.

Hope you enjoy my story….

Kind Regards
Lisa Monaghan

Out with the Old In with the New

9^th February, 2005, a day forever in my memory, a day I was so looking forward to. Arriving bright and early keen to get the process going, I could never have imagined how devastated my family and I would feel by late this afternoon. I really don’t think there are any words that could describe my mortal fear when I realized that I could no longer move, I was so happy as I waved to my mother at 10am that morning as they wheeled me away smiling, to the operating theatre.

 Somewhere, somehow during my operation something had happened that would change everything in every aspect of my life. My body, mind and soul were no longer as I had always known them to be. My first realisation that all was not well was saying I felt pain in my arm, I just kept repeating that something was wrong. My family were downstairs unsure of what was going on as I was due out of theatre three hours earlier.

I remember waking seeing my Son, Daughter, Mother and Partner standing there smiling, huge bunches of flowers in hand, happy to see me at last. They had no idea of the horror we were all about to face. I was so sure that this was going away and all was going to be good again. Why wouldn’t it be-I was getting a new car and had a planned holiday to the Reef. Just a day or two should see all of this go away, after all the awful pain I felt was gone. I will be home again in 3 to 5 days, the Surgeon had assured me of that.

Never could I have imaged the journey I was about to undertake, a journey of digging deep and finding survival tactics I never knew existed. It is amazing the inner strength you can find when you are faced with adversity. Look out Lisa, out with the old and in with the new……….

07/02/10

As you can see by the date on my column today it has been some time since I last wrote and things have come to light of which I could never have imagined, but for now back to my hospital stay.  My three day visit lasted for nine long agonizing months, agonizing for me, my children, my parents, family and friends.  To see the pain and helplessness on their face day after day is really hard and sad.  To see their glee is also sad, their glee because you can now hold a pen or a cup or you can brush your hair, they feign excitement but really their heart is just as broken as yours, but they have to be as happy as they can be for your sake.  You do have your happy moments of course when funny things happen and you can even laugh at yourself and as time goes on you learn to do this more and more.  As much as you don’t like being in hospital it almost becomes a safe haven or another family and leaving it, even for just a few hours can be quite traumatic.  

My first trip out of the hospital was amazing and I almost felt like an alien!  Allan, my partner at the time, had asked me to marry him and he wanted to take me for a champagne to celebrate.  I had been practicing for a few weeks with my physiotherapist, Josh, how to transfer in and out of a car, so here was my opportunity.  It was slow, difficult and painful, but with the help of my Physio’s and Allan I was in the front seat of the car, the same car that had dropped me off a few months ago to start this painful journey.  Oh how excited I felt, it felt so weird to be in a car, yet I had been driving since I was 17.  We drove off leaving the hospital behind, so excited at something so seemingly small, I immediately called my mother and said excitedly “You will never guess where I am Mum, I am in the car with Allan”, such a big moment, we were so happy.  We stopped and picked up some piccolos of champagne and went and parked down by the river and drank to our excitement, to getting engaged, to being alone together, to being back in the real world, sitting in the car like a ‘Normal’ person, life just didn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of biting you when you least expect it, after we had finished drinking our champagne, it was time for me to remember that I had to go back to the Spinal Unit, Allan had told me something that had broken my heart and the Physios gave us a scolding as in our haste to get away from the hospital we had forgotten to take my wheelchair.  It seems my spinal injury was going to be with me wherever I went for the rest of my life……..how could I deal with that?

Kind Regards

Lisa Monaghan

Tags: anxiety, attitude, change, coping with change, fear, happiness, inspiration, Love, personal development, sadness, Self Esteem and Confidence, self improvement

Strutt Your Stuff Ladies!

How many times in any given day are we literally bombard by TV, radio, magazines or any form of advertising telling us and showing us how women are supposed to look. 9 times out of 10 this is an unrealistic image of how a woman’s body is supposed to be.

Of course when you’re 13 years old you are young and vulnerable and still trying to distinguish reality from nonsense. How is a young girl expected to grow up feeling happy and healthy towards her body? Is it any wonder health issues such as anorexia are prevalent throughout developed countries. We are constantly fed the garbage that thinner is better on so many levels! No wonder it is sometimes taken to the extreme.

Somehow, somewhere while we are constantly being spoon feed on a daily basis that we arent thin enough, that our waist needs to be smaller, our thighs are too big, our breasts are too small, we actually have to try to come to terms with, and love the body we have. Somehow we have to filter the information we receive every day. We must change our thinking and perhaps do a lot of self talk in order to remind ourselves that we are perfect just as we are right now. For we are perfect right now, it isnt that we wil be perfect sometime in the future when we have lost weight, if we wait to attain our perfect life we will miss the perfect life we have right now.

Every woman in every magazine you have ever looked at has imperfections. They have been airbrusheed and touched up to appear thinner and blemish free. When you are out with friends try to keep the negative talk at bay. Generally we as women when we get together tend to focus on our weight and what is wrong with us. Try instead to focus on the wonderful friendship you all have and talk and laugh about the great things life has to offer. That way we as women, teach our daughters healthy attitudes towards their bodies.

Now hang on a minute. Let’s just actually stop for a moment and really think about this. A woman’s body can create life and give birth to another human being. A woman’s body can also provide nourishment and sustenance to an infant. A woman’s body should be honored, treasured and respected for the marvellous vessel that it is!

I tell you ladies, no matter how thin you are, I doubt you will ever look in the mirror and say “I’m so happy with the way I look” but as my daughter once said to me “Mum you will never be this beautiful in your life again, so go out there and flaunt what you have!”

So very true, and if we as women could forget about our perceived flaws for one moment, and get out there and strutt our stuff, we would realize just how sexual our confidence in ourselves is to the opposite sex.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: happiness, Positive Affirmations, Self Esteem and Confidence

About Teenagers and Teenage Self Esteem

My regular readers know I have 7 children between 11 and 22 and they also know…I know about this stuff!

Today I thought I would write about adolsecent self esteem and how to boost your teens confidence. Teenagers problems are many and varied but let’s start off with the topic of self esteem and confidence – which if your child possesses – they are off to a great start in life!

About teenagers! Teens are stuck in an in-between world. They’re neither children nor adults. They’re adjusting to both physical and mental changes, including emotional extremes caused by additional activity in the part of the brain that regulates emotions. and hormones!

Needless to say, this is right up there on the teenagers problems list! for many teens, this is a very confusing time!

Along with the normal confusion, teens often suffer from low self esteem and peer pressure. Females are more prone to confidence issues and often get more attention for the problem, but males are just as susceptible. In fact, any teen is vulnerable to self esteem challenges.

For a Great ebook on Gaining Confidence for Teenagers – Click Here!

As parents and involved adults, it’s our responsibility to help teens foster a healthy self esteem. It’s an ongoing process and there are no shortcuts. Teens need to be constantly reminded that they’re great kids and we’re proud of them.

Follow these strategies every day to boost your adolescents self esteem and confidence:

1. Set a positive example for your teenager.

No matter how distant your teen may seem, they still model your behaviors closely. If they see you have a self esteem issue, they may mimic that. Set an example with a positive attitude towards yourself and others.

2. Lessen teenagers problems by taking the time to talk with your teen.

While your teen may not want to talk to you, make sure they know you’re available if they change their mind. Sometimes just knowing you’re there for them makes a difference.

* Part of talking with a teen is actively listening. Teens with self esteem issues often feel that no one listens to them or cares about what they have to say. Show them you’re listening by letting them finish and then asking questions about what they said.

3. Help your teen set goals and celebrate when they reach them.

Start with small goals that they can achieve in a short period of time. When they reach the goal, celebrate with them. If it takes longer to reach their goal, keep encouraging them and their confidence will grow.

* Let your teen know that it’s okay to change their goal along the way. This is the way of life and an important skill teens need to learn. When circumstances change, we may need to re-adjust our plans. If your teen understands this, it will help build their confidence.

* Show them that taking definitive action to achieve their goal is just as important as reaching the goal.

4. Let your teen know you’re proud of them.

When they score an A, tell them how great they did. If they got a C, it’s just as important that your teen knows you’re proud of that grade as well. Encourage them to do their best and be proud of them when they do.

5. Encourage your teen to get involved in an activity they enjoy.

It could be any activity, club, or organization. Getting them involved in something will help them realize they’re more normal than they think!

* Encourage their individuality and interests by letting them pick the activity. Give them the freedom to express themselves by getting involved in their own interests and passions.

6. Encourage your teen to live a healthy lifestyle.

Many times problems can manifest when teens are couch potatoes or have unhealthy eating habits. When a teen eats a well balanced diet and gets a regular amount of exercise, it’s easier for them to feel better about themselves.

* Schedule your teen for a full check-up with your doctor. Your primary health care provider can rule out any physical causes for your teen’s low self esteem. They may also recommend additional steps or counseling that can help.

Teenage self esteem can be fragile. All the time you spend building your teen’s confidence can be torn down in one crappy afternoon.

As with anyone, teens will have good and bad days. Never be discouraged or give up on them. Follow these strategies and soon enough, you’ll know that you’re on the right path. Your teen will go through mood swings, but with time and love, they’ll emerge as a strong and confident adult.

Want more info on this subject? – Click Here!

Talk about teenagers problems and teach them that learning to deal with disappointment, criticism, and challenges is an important life skill. Talk to your teen about how important it is to know they’re still a great person worthy of love and affection, no matter what life may throw their way.

One thing I know about teenagers, is that if they are happy and confident – they do better in all area’s of their lives. I believe teenage self esteem or lack of it can have a hugely detrimental effect on our children, so it’s very important to help work on your adolescents self esteem and try to make it low on your teenagers problems list!

Tags: about teenagers, adolsecent self esteem, confidence, Self Esteem and Confidence, Teenage Self Esteem, Teenagers problems

My 7 Top Tips to Boost Your Self Esteem

Self esteem is a very important part of a happy and successful life. If you enjoy a high self esteem you are in a much better place to enjoy your existance.

There are many things you can do to boost your own self-esteem. By taking the steps to build your own self worth and well being, you’re practicing the best form of preventative medicine possible.

Everyone needs to feel a sense of self-worth and healthy self-esteem in order to live a successful, contented life. While some people look to others and their material success to gauge their own self worth, the most important assessment is how you feel about yourself.

Here are the top seven ways to boost your self-esteem:

1. Surround yourself with positive people. Positive energy is like an electrical charge as it spreads from one person to the next. When you spend time in the company of positive people, your own attitude will lift to match theirs, and you’ll be charged from their energy.

2. Measure your worth based on yourself, not on others. Everyone sees the world based on his or her own biases and circumstances. When someone pours negative thoughts on another person, it’s a greater reflection on their own deficiencies than the person they’re attacking.

Basing your self-esteem on another person’s opinions is never a good idea. Instead, take your value from what you know to be the truth about yourself from the inside out, not the other way around.

3. Strengthen your strengths. When you exercise your strengths, they become stronger and your self esteem rises as well. We all like to feel proud of the things we excel at and those things cause us to feel better about ourselves.

Spend time working on, building, and renewing your strengths, and your inner approval rating will soar.

4. Do things you love. The more time you spend doing things you love to do, the better it makes you feel. Doing the things you enjoy causes your brain to produce higher levels of endorphins, which are chemical in the brain that increase your sense of joy and well-being.

Engaging in activities we love also helps us recall other times we’ve done them, and those memories increase our self esteem. Our favorite activities are often things we do well, which is a factor in increasing our self-esteem.

5. Set your thoughts on the things you want to attract. Albert Einstein determined all things are made of energy and energy attracts more of the same energy. Focusing your thoughts on the things you desire in your life keeps the energy of those things moving toward you.

6. Speak affirming thoughts to yourself. We’ve all heard the phrase “act as if.” Affirmations work on that principle. Instead of saying, “I want to be happy,” say, “I am a happy person.” Say it out loud everyday.

7. Believe in yourself. Trust in your ability to achieve whatever you set your mind to accomplish. When you believe that you’re capable of attaining your goals, you unleash the ability to do so from deep within you, so trust in the process.

You’ll begin to reprogram your subconscious to believe it as the truth, and soon you’ll be feeling that truth every day.

These simple steps to boost your self esteem are easy to put into practice in your day-to-day life. Start today and build your self worth and self-esteem into the foundation of your character. Your life will never be the same.

Tags: boost your self esteem, Self Esteem and Confidence