Grief is a very unpleasant thing for anyone to have to go through. The causes for grief maybe many: The loss of a loved one, separation from someone, illness of a loved one, etc. My very close cousin recently went through the sudden loss of her father. When I went to visit her there was something she said that stuck with me, “I know no one can replace my father for me. But, there have been so many people coming over to console me and give me support that it makes it easier to deal with and recover from the loss. It is good to know that I have so many people that care and want to help me with my loss.”
How the grief is handled will help you deal with the sadness better and move on with your life. It is easier said than done. For a person going through the sadness and unhappy feeling, there may seem to be nothing that would help them recuperate. People around can only sympathize or empathize with you, but it is up to you to get through it. There are ways to cope with grief and while one works for someone it may not work for another, because everyone handles the given situation differently.
It feels like a lonely path you are treading and you might be thinking that others cannot understand your pain. While that may be true, you should not rule out the idea of allowing moral support or help from people who care about you. If you are comfortable join a support group, where you might meet people in similar situation as yours. When you know that someone is going through a similar pain you may be able to relate better to that person.
While it is important to grieve a loss completely, you have to be mindful that there is life after that. Try to find a distraction for yourself that will keep you occupied and give you time away from the feeling of loss. As a distraction you could do something in memory of the person you are grieving. Make it a celebration of the person’s life. You could pick up some task the person was passionate about and couldn’t complete, in their lifetime.
Life seems to be at a standstill and you seem to be plunged into an abyss of sorrow. But, you have to tell yourself that you will climb out of it and move on with your life, while still holding onto good memories of the person.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Tags: coping with grief, dealing with grief, grief, grieving, loss, sadness

When life hands you a situation that is tough, you may need to lean on other people for comfort. But what if you’re the person that needs to provide the shoulder? It is a difficult job being the one that stays strong for the other person.

How you provide comfort will vary depending on the person you’re comforting and what it is they’ve gone through. However, there are basic tips to keep in mind when you’re consoling someone.

Here are some strategies to follow that can help you provide much-needed comfort to those you care about:

1. Uplift them. When someone is asking you for comfort, chances are that they’re not asking you for advice.  In reality, they just need someone to be there to satisfy their emotional needs.  Do not try to solve their problems unless you’re asked for advice. In that case, you’re free to provide any advice that you may feel you have to offer.

2. Listen well. It’s a good idea to try to develop your listening skills. Being a good listener is truly striving to understand what the other person is trying to express to you. Remember that you can provide a large degree of comfort just by lending an open ear to the person who is suffering.

3. Offer your unconditional help. Sometimes it can be a comfort just to know that the other person is there.  Tell the person that’s suffering that they can openly discuss their problems with you at any time they need help to get through the day.

4. Share a hug. It will depend on the relationship that you have with the person you’re comforting, but you can provide physical comfort with a hug. Hugs simply make people feel better and warm the heart! The human touch can melt the soul and say so much without words.

5. Be understanding. You may not know what it’s like to go through the particular tough time that you’re helping with, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t understand the pain they feel. Do your best to try and understand where this person is coming from.

Understanding Grief

If you’re helping a person deal with loss, you’ll also be helping them with their inner grief. Grief is a natural emotion to go through when you find yourself facing such things as a traumatic loss.

If you gain a better understanding of grief, you may be able to offer your comfort in a helpful thoughtful manner.

Stages of Grief

There are different stages of grief and different people spend varying amounts of time on each stage.  No two people are the same so there are no hard and fast rules.  Often the stages aren’t even expressed in the same order.

Grief normally starts with the initial shock of the loss, then accompanied by denial.  Then pain and anger sets in, which can last for long periods of time.  Depression can often set in before the person journeys into acceptance.

While you don’t want to push a person through the stages of grief too fast, do whatever you can to help them along the journey to acceptance. When a person is angry, be an open ear and reassure them. Help them see their problem or loss from a different perspective.

Depression can be difficult to overcome since the person tends to lose interest in the world around them.  Having you to rely on can make a difference. Show them that the world hasn’t given up on them, so they shouldn’t give up on themselves either.

With your support, and the help of a professional, eventually they will come to terms with and accept their loss.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: comfort, depression, emotional support, empathic, grief, sadness, Unconditional Love, understanding

From Lisa’s Chair

The journey I have been on over the last five years is something most people, me included, only read about or see in the movies.  It has been a journey of highs, lows, laughter, tears and mostly of survival and self discovery.  A journey of developing into the person I have become today.  From the lows of lying in a Spinal unit to the highs of seeing the sparkling lights of the famous “Las Vegas Strip”.

It all began this time 5 years ago with a slight nagging pain in my upper arm.  I came home from my working day and commented to my partner that my upper arm was sore.  This progressed quite quickly to a pain that affected my daily routine, stopping me from working, sleeping and socialising.  I found myself at the emergency department of our major hospital, to be given the diagnosis of a massive bulging disc on my C5/C6.  After trying so many lotions and potions I was advised  by my doctor that the only option was surgery.  I was then booked to see a “Very well known and experienced” Neurosurgeon.  I was excited to be seeing this person who would take away my pain and give me my life back.  He assured me it was a very simple operation, and I would have more hope of being hit by a bus when he discharged me, than of anything going wrong.  I was so full of hope and could hardly wait until this wonderful person was going to give me my life back, 9th February 2005.  I could never had known how his words would ring in my ears for the rest of my life………3 to 5 days, you will be back home, pain free.  Those words started me on a journey of self development into the stronger person I have become today.

Hope you enjoy my story….

Kind Regards
Lisa Monaghan

Out with the Old In with the New

9^th February, 2005, a day forever in my memory, a day I was so looking forward to. Arriving bright and early keen to get the process going, I could never have imagined how devastated my family and I would feel by late this afternoon. I really don’t think there are any words that could describe my mortal fear when I realized that I could no longer move, I was so happy as I waved to my mother at 10am that morning as they wheeled me away smiling, to the operating theatre.

 Somewhere, somehow during my operation something had happened that would change everything in every aspect of my life. My body, mind and soul were no longer as I had always known them to be. My first realisation that all was not well was saying I felt pain in my arm, I just kept repeating that something was wrong. My family were downstairs unsure of what was going on as I was due out of theatre three hours earlier.

I remember waking seeing my Son, Daughter, Mother and Partner standing there smiling, huge bunches of flowers in hand, happy to see me at last. They had no idea of the horror we were all about to face. I was so sure that this was going away and all was going to be good again. Why wouldn’t it be-I was getting a new car and had a planned holiday to the Reef. Just a day or two should see all of this go away, after all the awful pain I felt was gone. I will be home again in 3 to 5 days, the Surgeon had assured me of that.

Never could I have imaged the journey I was about to undertake, a journey of digging deep and finding survival tactics I never knew existed. It is amazing the inner strength you can find when you are faced with adversity. Look out Lisa, out with the old and in with the new……….

07/02/10

As you can see by the date on my column today it has been some time since I last wrote and things have come to light of which I could never have imagined, but for now back to my hospital stay.  My three day visit lasted for nine long agonizing months, agonizing for me, my children, my parents, family and friends.  To see the pain and helplessness on their face day after day is really hard and sad.  To see their glee is also sad, their glee because you can now hold a pen or a cup or you can brush your hair, they feign excitement but really their heart is just as broken as yours, but they have to be as happy as they can be for your sake.  You do have your happy moments of course when funny things happen and you can even laugh at yourself and as time goes on you learn to do this more and more.  As much as you don’t like being in hospital it almost becomes a safe haven or another family and leaving it, even for just a few hours can be quite traumatic.  

My first trip out of the hospital was amazing and I almost felt like an alien!  Allan, my partner at the time, had asked me to marry him and he wanted to take me for a champagne to celebrate.  I had been practicing for a few weeks with my physiotherapist, Josh, how to transfer in and out of a car, so here was my opportunity.  It was slow, difficult and painful, but with the help of my Physio’s and Allan I was in the front seat of the car, the same car that had dropped me off a few months ago to start this painful journey.  Oh how excited I felt, it felt so weird to be in a car, yet I had been driving since I was 17.  We drove off leaving the hospital behind, so excited at something so seemingly small, I immediately called my mother and said excitedly “You will never guess where I am Mum, I am in the car with Allan”, such a big moment, we were so happy.  We stopped and picked up some piccolos of champagne and went and parked down by the river and drank to our excitement, to getting engaged, to being alone together, to being back in the real world, sitting in the car like a ‘Normal’ person, life just didn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of biting you when you least expect it, after we had finished drinking our champagne, it was time for me to remember that I had to go back to the Spinal Unit, Allan had told me something that had broken my heart and the Physios gave us a scolding as in our haste to get away from the hospital we had forgotten to take my wheelchair.  It seems my spinal injury was going to be with me wherever I went for the rest of my life……..how could I deal with that?

Kind Regards

Lisa Monaghan

Tags: anxiety, attitude, change, coping with change, fear, happiness, inspiration, Love, personal development, sadness, Self Esteem and Confidence, self improvement