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Many adult women of today where told by their parents, when they were little girls, to be nice, quiet, obedient and not to complain. They wanted to be good in order not to upset mommy and daddy, so they did what they were told. They obeyed and when there was something they didn’t like, they kept it to themselves.

 These little girls grew up and today they are thirty, forty, fifty. They are experienced, self-confident and educated. But even today they are subconsciously afraid of admitting that something is wrong. They fear that their partner will blame them for creating problems, get upset and eventually stop loving them. However, being tight-lipped is one of the most destructive relationship mistakes. And if you don’t dare to talk about what bothers you and to express your wishes, you’re not being a good girl at all. On the contrary.

We all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Usually, women are considered more communicative, while men tend to find it more difficult to open up, show their emotions and discuss relationship issues.

However, there is one communication area in which we, women, often do not excel. Many of us have problems telling the truth when something is wrong and expressing exactly what we want. Instead, we expect men to see what’s wrong and to guess what we want. The bad news is that men are no mind readers and most of the time they believe what we tell them.

Let’s have a look at this typical example: Your partner asks you if you’re okay. You say that you are. He’s happy and goes about his day. But in reality, you’re not okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you’re sad, maybe you have a headache, maybe he said something or did something annoying. However, you don’t say a word because you expect him to know, to see it, to feel it. He would, if he really loved you, right? So you get frustrated and furious. He doesn’t understand why you’re snapping at him, and he says you’re hysterical. It makes you even more furious because you’re angry for a reason. He still doesn’t understand. You end up fighting for nothing. Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s quite possible that your mum or your best friend really see when something is wrong and don’t leave you alone until you tell them. However, most men are much more straightforward and a bit less empathetic than women, and when you say you’re fine, they take your word for it.

So my advice is: Speak up and tell your partner how you feel and what you think. Believe me, he can take it. Actually, he’ll be happy to listen, advice and help, or just to hug you and support you.

The same rule applies to relationship issues. Maybe something he does (or did) has been bugging you for some time. Maybe you would like to spend more time together or do different things. Maybe his habits are ticking you off. He can’t know it unless you tell him, and such little “secrets” have ruined many good relationships. The tension keeps building up, you’re not happy, he can see that but he doesn’t understand why. It leads to unnecessary fights and even to break-ups.

Your partner wants your relationship to work, just like you do. He wants to be happy, just like you want him to be happy. And he wants to know what’s going on in your head, just like you want to know what’s going on in his. Talking about things that bother you and about those that you want or long for should become a natural part of your relationship. So start today. Tell your partner you want to discuss something over a good meal on Friday night and believe me, he’ll be ready to listen. Don’t accuse each other and don’t complain, just talk about things that you would like to change. Stop keeping your worries to yourself. You’re in this together, it’s your relationship and you love each other, so be honest and open. And remember, hints are useless and they don’t work, so don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. You will see that straightforwardness is something that men deeply appreciate.

 Written by Barbora Knobova.

Welcome 

 

Many new and interesting topics have recently been added to our site, and I do hope that you, our reader, enjoy these.

 

Lisa’s Chair

This is a new section that I would recommend you visit often.  Written by a dear friend who, some four years ago was hospitalised for what was termed a “routine” operation to fix a painful buldging disk in her back. Unfortunately Lisa only just found out a few weeks ago that she has a genetic disease that caused blood clotting and a possible stroke whilst on the operating table.  This resulted in her inability to walk again and Lisa’s Chair is written by Lisa herself and is an account of her journey these past four years.  A journey of hope, despair, desperation, dependency, courage and finding herself again. Every few days Lisa writes from heart about her ongoing journey in the hope that it will inspire others to continue to be positive irrespective of the card life decides to deal you.

I have added some new products that I have personally tried in the last month or two and do hope you will try them.

 

Affirmations

To me one of the single most powerful exercises you can do on a daily basis, affirmations tend to “keep you on track” if you like, help you to remain positive, provide you with an inner peace and can bring all type of abundance to you.  So many of us stumble upon the power of affirmations as adults but we really should teach this concept to our children early on.  On our Affirmations page  I recommend Louise Hay’s “Think, I Am: Teaching Kids the Power of Affirmations”, they make a great Christmas present for your children or grandchildren.

 

The Law of Attraction

I went into our local bookstore last week on the hunt for a new meditation CD.  I have had the same old trusted CD for the past 15 years and as we moved home recently, it is nowehere to be found!  So I was loathe to buy another one as that one had been my favorite for so long!  Anyway I grabbed my CD and sitting on the shelf next to it was the Law of Attraction Boxed Set by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  Don’t ask me why, but I brought it home.  On these CD’s the basics of the original Teachings of Abraham® are outlined. To be honest when I sat down to listen to the first CD I found it tough going, so I put it away and sat down to listen to it again the next day. Strangely enough this time the message was so clear to me and I understood how all things, wanted and unwanted, are brought to us by the Law of Attraction. I came to understand the part we all play in this. I really do recommend you purchase this 5 cd set.  I regard it as one of my most important purchases so far!

 

Wallpapers

For all my wallpaper lovers, check out my Wallpaper page as I have added lots of new free ones for you to download!

Until next time, take care.

Mary-Ann

From Lisa’s Chair

The journey I have been on over the last five years is something most people, me included, only read about or see in the movies.  It has been a journey of highs, lows, laughter, tears and mostly of survival and self discovery.  A journey of developing into the person I have become today.  From the lows of lying in a Spinal unit to the highs of seeing the sparkling lights of the famous “Las Vegas Strip”.

It all began this time 5 years ago with a slight nagging pain in my upper arm.  I came home from my working day and commented to my partner that my upper arm was sore.  This progressed quite quickly to a pain that affected my daily routine, stopping me from working, sleeping and socialising.  I found myself at the emergency department of our major hospital, to be given the diagnosis of a massive bulging disc on my C5/C6.  After trying so many lotions and potions I was advised  by my doctor that the only option was surgery.  I was then booked to see a “Very well known and experienced” Neurosurgeon.  I was excited to be seeing this person who would take away my pain and give me my life back.  He assured me it was a very simple operation, and I would have more hope of being hit by a bus when he discharged me, than of anything going wrong.  I was so full of hope and could hardly wait until this wonderful person was going to give me my life back, 9th February 2005.  I could never had known how his words would ring in my ears for the rest of my life………3 to 5 days, you will be back home, pain free.  Those words started me on a journey of self development into the stronger person I have become today.

Hope you enjoy my story….

Kind Regards
Lisa Monaghan

Out with the Old In with the New

9^th February, 2005, a day forever in my memory, a day I was so looking forward to. Arriving bright and early keen to get the process going, I could never have imagined how devastated my family and I would feel by late this afternoon. I really don’t think there are any words that could describe my mortal fear when I realized that I could no longer move, I was so happy as I waved to my mother at 10am that morning as they wheeled me away smiling, to the operating theatre.

 Somewhere, somehow during my operation something had happened that would change everything in every aspect of my life. My body, mind and soul were no longer as I had always known them to be. My first realisation that all was not well was saying I felt pain in my arm, I just kept repeating that something was wrong. My family were downstairs unsure of what was going on as I was due out of theatre three hours earlier.

I remember waking seeing my Son, Daughter, Mother and Partner standing there smiling, huge bunches of flowers in hand, happy to see me at last. They had no idea of the horror we were all about to face. I was so sure that this was going away and all was going to be good again. Why wouldn’t it be-I was getting a new car and had a planned holiday to the Reef. Just a day or two should see all of this go away, after all the awful pain I felt was gone. I will be home again in 3 to 5 days, the Surgeon had assured me of that.

Never could I have imaged the journey I was about to undertake, a journey of digging deep and finding survival tactics I never knew existed. It is amazing the inner strength you can find when you are faced with adversity. Look out Lisa, out with the old and in with the new……….

07/02/10

As you can see by the date on my column today it has been some time since I last wrote and things have come to light of which I could never have imagined, but for now back to my hospital stay.  My three day visit lasted for nine long agonizing months, agonizing for me, my children, my parents, family and friends.  To see the pain and helplessness on their face day after day is really hard and sad.  To see their glee is also sad, their glee because you can now hold a pen or a cup or you can brush your hair, they feign excitement but really their heart is just as broken as yours, but they have to be as happy as they can be for your sake.  You do have your happy moments of course when funny things happen and you can even laugh at yourself and as time goes on you learn to do this more and more.  As much as you don’t like being in hospital it almost becomes a safe haven or another family and leaving it, even for just a few hours can be quite traumatic.  

My first trip out of the hospital was amazing and I almost felt like an alien!  Allan, my partner at the time, had asked me to marry him and he wanted to take me for a champagne to celebrate.  I had been practicing for a few weeks with my physiotherapist, Josh, how to transfer in and out of a car, so here was my opportunity.  It was slow, difficult and painful, but with the help of my Physio’s and Allan I was in the front seat of the car, the same car that had dropped me off a few months ago to start this painful journey.  Oh how excited I felt, it felt so weird to be in a car, yet I had been driving since I was 17.  We drove off leaving the hospital behind, so excited at something so seemingly small, I immediately called my mother and said excitedly “You will never guess where I am Mum, I am in the car with Allan”, such a big moment, we were so happy.  We stopped and picked up some piccolos of champagne and went and parked down by the river and drank to our excitement, to getting engaged, to being alone together, to being back in the real world, sitting in the car like a ‘Normal’ person, life just didn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of biting you when you least expect it, after we had finished drinking our champagne, it was time for me to remember that I had to go back to the Spinal Unit, Allan had told me something that had broken my heart and the Physios gave us a scolding as in our haste to get away from the hospital we had forgotten to take my wheelchair.  It seems my spinal injury was going to be with me wherever I went for the rest of my life……..how could I deal with that?

Kind Regards

Lisa Monaghan

Fear of Failure or fear of success can stop you in your tracks in accomplishing your goals and becoming a success.

Fear of failure will lead many people into inertia – the inability to make decisions or take action in case they receive rejection or negative outcomes. This mental state is fairly easy to identify and there are many tools in the personal development industry to help combat this plague and reprogram the mind for success.

However, the fear of success is much more subtle, harder to spot and also harder to eradicate.

It is well documented that many people fail to achieve their goals in life due to the phenomenon known as “fear of failure” but are you aware that a major factor that is often overlooked, is a state known as “fear of success“?

This is the Science of Success – Click Here!

Perhaps you have this tendency in your life. Here are some indications of a fear of success mentality.

You settle for less than you feel you deserve or are capable of achieving.

Studying and trying to implement self improvement techniques and/or personal development tools but your life does not improve or may even get worse.

You expect things to go wrong no matter how well the situation appears to be at the moment.

You start new projects full of enthusiasm and optimism but wane in your efforts or stop short before you have completed them.

Can you identify your own patterns in the any of the above statements?

The fear of success can also make you behave in ways that hold you back. Look at the list below. These are the symptoms of the fear of success.

Procrastination is a ‘success killer’! How can you expect to reach your destination if you do not take steps towards it? Strive to do little things each day that will bring you small steps closer to your goal.

Procrastination.

Putting off what needs to be done or not doing what you know will bring you closer to your desired result. Everyone suffers from this inner ‘demon’ at some point in their lives (although some of us suffer from it more than others!).

This is why having a personal development plan is an essential ingredient in the fight against procrastination. Take action! Any action! Refine your steps as you go along but do not sit and do nothing. Taking action is one of the key aspects in personal development.

Thinking that the time is not right – have you ever waited until the timing was perfect before starting a venture? Have you ever waited until you had more information on a better plan?

Again ACTION is the key to the door to success. Taking small steps forward are better than taking none or waiting to see if your foot is landing on the right spot! Even if your actions take you away from your goal you have at least gained insight and knowledge about what does not work!

Can’t see the forest for the trees!

This is almost the opposite of procrastination but has the same effect on your personal development. The aforementioned saying is well known but have you ever given it real consideration?

Don’t get caught up in your plan believing that it is more important than the materialised goal! For many years I got caught in this trap. I started to think and act as though my plan was more important than my end result and thus missed many opportunities to alter my path and reach my goals more quickly! Let go of your ego and allow the Universe to show you a quicker route to your goal. Remain flexible.

Seeing only problems.

How do you use your focus? Do you constantly see only and alll the problems involved? If you are this way inclined it is pointless trying to change overnight! However, you can use this mindset to your advantage while you strive in your personal development to acquire an opportunistic frame of mind instead.

“How can you use seeing only problems to my advantage?” you say. “Easily”, is my reply! Look at the problems and prepare a plan to deal with them. Everytime you overcome one congratulate yourself. Use them as a gauge for your achievements.

If you keep seeing more problems remind yourself of how well you dealt with the others. Look at how far you have come! If you see a problem ask yourself, “how best can I overcome this challenge?” or “how quickly can I rectify this situation?”.

The quality of your questions are important. Use the problems as fact finders. Is there a real problem now? If so then deal with it. Is it a potential problem? If so then create a contingency plan in case it does occur but don’t get caught up in it just be prepared.

Being a Perfectionist.

This is similar to the point above and has the same effect, namely, that you never really move forward. No matter how good a job is when its finished it can always be improved! I have heard many great musicians tell how they hate listening to their own songs because they can find a million things that need improved. Yet, we still enjoy them. I think a classic example of this is “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Paul Simon. This song is hauntingly beautiful yet Mr. Simon does not think its good enough!

This is the Science of Success, Educate Yourself! – Click Here!

Enjoy the journey, follow the above guidelines and you will achieve success. Eventually your fear of success or fear of failure will dissipate and you will have moved a long way forward in your self improvement and personal development.

Don’t be scared to succeed! Success is Great! Really

Read More Personal Development Books!

I would like to offer all my wonderful reader’s some free personal development ebooks to utilize in your self help and growth journey!

If you can read a book every week or two, you will become a master in your chosen field in under 5 years! Now, I can’t remember who said that but it is very true!

My chosen field is personal development and I am reading personal development books, ebooks and listening to personal development audio’s and watching video’s constantly!

Find the Best source of these Highly Beneficial Programs here – Click Me!
The saying goes…..Personal development is the deliberate growth or development of a particular individual to bring out their potential and capabilities making them more aware of their inner feelings and belief systems to become a more conscious, whole or healthy human being.

A shorter take on personal development could be….
“Strategies that enable me to enhance my life in all areas”

Now I do like this definition because it says what it is, simply and succinctly. The thing about personal development, is that it means different things to different people. When someone embarks on the journey of personal development, it maybe that they have chosen to improve their health, relationships, career prospects, finances etc. Sometime people talk about the mind, body and spirit, or physical, emotional and spiritual.

So how do you get started on the road to self help and personal development? Well, first of all become aware of what you already have in your life and what you are grateful for and then think about what is missing, what do you want, I mean really want? Awareness has to come first, because without an awareness there can be no conscious decision to take action.

Find out what my most Highly Recommended Personal Development Program is – Click Here!
Becoming aware also means asking yourself different questions and then seeking out the answers. So if your question is “There must be more to life than this?” your mind is already making an assumption that there is more to life and as if by magic you start to see things around you that maybe you did not notice before.

A good way to start your personal development journey is to start familiarizing yourself with the self help concept!

Read or listen to personal development material. You must find time to learn about self help and growth strategies and to read or listen to positive and inspirational messages.

Now, my idea of the greatest road to personal development is by being a student at Success University! However, you may just want to nudge your way in to personal development by reading a personal development ebook, instead of the head on approach I take! (I want to get to where I’m going Fast…lol)

With that in mind, I have decided to provide you with some free personal development ebooks that you can download straight from my site. No optin required, just follow the directions on the page and you will have some great personal development reading at your fingertips!

My new page will be called ‘Free Personal Development eBooks‘ and will be available for your use in about an hour from now!

Please come back to Complete Personal Development.com shortly and download all your new and Free Personal Development eBooks! Enjoy!