26 years later here we are….She is Australian and when in her own country we see each other about once a year! She travelled through Europe last year and stumbled upon Istanbul and loved it, so decided to stay! She has now been here almost a year on her own, living life and loving every wondrous moment it bestows upon her.

So many of her friends and family are bewildered and perplexed at what she doing! How could she leave her husband at home, her adult children and extended family, and why?

Because she found somewhere she loved and she made a decision to act on it. So often in life we don’t heed the warning signs, and trust me there are many along life’s journey, its just that we dont always see them. The difference is she did and what a wonderfully enriched life she is living.

It’s sometimes very challenging, living where you cannot speak the language, a woman on her own, learning to live her life in a foreign country without knowing anyone here. I am sure she has days where she wants to give it all up and go home, but the passion she feels for Istanbul and her craving for adventure keeps her here.

I envy and admire her courage and tenancy for as I write this she is struggling through a university class trying to learn turkish. She will come home frustrated yet elated having risen to yet another challenge of the day. While the rest of us go blindly through our lives, not knowing what we are potentially missing.

Cheers
Mary-Ann Roche.

Paralized by Fear

For me personally when I reach the podium and turn the microphone on from that point on I see not much more than a black canvas in front of me. I can feel the sensation welling up inside my throat knowing that I must soon speak. Like many of us I am a perfectionist, and put considerable emphasis on delivering the perfect speech. In a way that is a double edged sword for someone with a fear of public speaking in that it is the very thing that causes the fear in the first instance, and secondly it is the very thing that the audience is looking for!

When making a speech I tend to experience all the thoughts like “what if people hate my speech and begin leaving”, what if I simply cannot speak in a fluent manner, what if something goes wrong with my slide presentation and I have to wing it?

Focus is the Key

All of these feelings cause enormous anxiety making it very difficult to deliver an effective and memorable speech.  Perhaps the key is to try to actually focus on sharing your knowledge with the audience, after all that’s what they came for!  Forget if you can, about flawlessly delivering your speech but rather, focus on the value the audience can actually get from the content delivery.  Forget about impressing them but focus on delivering to them the information you know they want to gain.  Perhaps this focus, will help you to overcome your fear of public speaking.

Communicate the topic effectively to your audience so you can see by their faces that they are receiving the information they came for.  In focusing to this degree, the nervous or anxious feelings tend to be held at bay.

Preparation

Therefore always study your subject matter thoroughly beforehand so you feel confident when it comes time to deliver this information.  Practise and refine your speaking, pausing at the correct moments and speaking slowly and effectively.  Ensure your presentation materials are prepared correctly so as to aid you in delivering your address in an effective manner.

Visualize yourself already speaking in public

Lastly as Im sure many of my readers know by now, I am a great believer in the art of meditation and visualization.  Meditate an hour or so prior to delivery of your speech and visualize yourself speaking in front of the audience.  See yourself speaking clearly and with confidence to your audience.  Think about how you are feeling when you do this, do you feel good about yourself?  Are you feeling relaxed about it?

These are my thoughts on how to overcome your fear of public speaking, from a fellow sufferer.  I have practised what I preach and can say that over time my fear of public speaking has reduced somewhat and continues to do so if I follow my own advice.

By Maryann Roche

Failure comes to all of us at some point in our lives and in some shape or form; however the fear of failure can become one of your biggest life fears.

Fear of failure really is just a fear of the unknown. You don’t know what’s out there, and so you’re scared, sometimes to the point where you want to give up entirely just to avoid failing!  It doesn’t take long to figure out that the ultimate is to not try at all!

How can you overcome the fear of failure and gain the confidence you need to succeed?

Consider these actions steps:

1. Imagine the worst case scenario. Of course, you should spend time imagining everything turning out well, but it actually helps to imagine the worst case. This is because, while horrible, imagining the worst case gives your fears a face. Your fears are then no longer the unknown and they may not be quite as scary.

2. Take action. The fear of failure can hold you hostage but when you take bold action, you’re able to recognize you simply made a mistake, learn from it and move on.

3. Talk to successful people. Ask them about the times they experienced failure and how they felt. It’s likely that they were afraid and that they’ve even failed greatly before reaching success.

4. Learn to use affirmations. Daily affirmations help to change your mind set about your fears and can reprogram your thinking so you know you will succeed at anything you attempt.

5. Know that you will keep trying.  When faced with failure it is important to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give it another try.

Help is always Available

Many people the world over suffer the fear of failure so of course there are many people to talk to who can help you.  It is wise to talk to those who have failed many times and overcome this but trying again and again. Of course a Counselor, trained in this field can also provide enormous assistance and support.

Long Term

Remember that life is full of lessons, and when we don’t learn the lesson the first time we get it back again and again until we understand and learn the lesson, that’s really all that failure is, a lesson in life’s journey!

Has fear ever held you back by preventing you from doing something? If so, you’re not alone. Everyday, people are being held back by fear.

Fear can have a very negative impact on your life. It can prevent you from following your dreams, taking risks, or from achieving success. If you let yourself be held back by fear, it can paralyze you. It can take away some of the quality of your life and keep you inactive and not following your dreams.

While fear is natural, common, and normal, too much fear is not a good thing. There are steps you can take to help control your fear and ways of overcoming your fear – here’s a few!

1) Change your expectations- A big contributor to fear is expecting negative things. Are you always expecting the worst? Are you the type of person who obsessively worries about all the terrible things that could go wrong instead of focusing on the positive?

Make a choice to expect good things and to see the positive out of every situation. Tell yourself that you are stronger than you think and you can actually handle more than you know. When you don’t view things so negatively, you don’t have so much fear to deal with. You may not be able to take away all fear all the time, but you can keep it in perspective.

3) Do what you fear- If you realize that fear is just a feeling and many times you are fearing in vain, the fear becomes less powerful. You can choose to defeat your fears.

If you do something that you fear, you will see that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was and you were worrying for nothing. The scary consequences are often exaggerated in your mind.

By looking at things in perspective you may see that it’s not likely for such negative consequences and you may feel more empowered to go ahead in spite of your fears. Don’t become reckless, but realize most fears are not founded, so don’t let your fear hold you back and prevent you from having a full life.

These are just a few ways to help you in overcoming your fears!
Have a great day – Kym