So many people confuse sex or the act of making love as intimacy. They couldn’t be more wrong!  Understanding intimacy is very important when in a relationship with someone, for it is only in understanding intimacy that we can truly achieve it.

In understanding intimacy one needs to firstly understand that true intimacy is about connecting on a deep and intimate level with someone . Intimacy is about sharing your needs and desires and your inner most feelings with someone together with sharing your body.

Why do so many of us have trouble understanding Intimacy?

I suppose intimacy is not really someone we learn at school and sometimes things happen to us in our journey through life that cause us to fear intimacy.  For real intimacy to be achieved the basis is trust.  Trusting in yourself and trusting another person enough for them to know everything about you.  Everything about how you feel, what you like, what your fears are, to know and understand you physically on a sexual level.

Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it with someone takes courage and commitment and of course love. Courage to expose yourself to someone else, so they can truly see you for who you are. Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it certainly takes commitment, a dedication to the relationship, a willingness to grow and learn with and about the other person.

More tips on understanding and achieving intimacy can be found here.

When we begin a relationship intimacy is simple, we cannot seem to get enough of that person!  As time passes however and the relationship continues it is very easy to slip into complacency. Remember being in a relationship and being intimate with someone takes effort!

One of the most important ingredients in a successful intimate relationship is the ability to communicate.  Communicate when you like something the other person does not just when you don’t!  Communication sexually is just as important.

Understanding intimacy and achieving it with a partner brings a special bond, its the very basis for getting up each day, that passion and desire for another!

By

MaryAnn Roche

Should I Stay Or Should I Go………….

For those of you who are the same vintage as I am, you would remember this as a very popular song title. It may bring back some very different memories of a time when things seemed much simpler and life was generally pretty easy. Our youthful memories, should be filled with heady romances and first kisses. Sadly though, we form habits in relationships, that are hard to break, or routines that are hard to put behind us.

We all at around the age of twenty to twenty five start to mature and partners or relationships that once we thought were sweet and tender, suddenly become manipulative and controlling. We can feel this happening but tend to keep telling ourselves that our partner is tired, stressed or even worse, we are doing things to make them unhappy and insecure. Mind you, this behavior is not age restrictive. I have to say that I know many people in their 40’s, 50’s even 60’s who are still repeating this pattern, over and over again. This type of relationship is very hard to walk away from, especially if you have a soft easy going nature, or have self esteem issues. You start to think that this is what you deserve. WRONG!

Rarely do you see strong confident types of people caught up in relationships they are not enjoying, they have the strength and self confidence to make a life for themselves, with or without a partner. If you ever find yourself in a situation where everyone around you can see these signs and they are prepared to put themselves in a vulnerable position by addressing it with you, be rest assured this comes from a place of love. Nobody wants to sabotage your happiness, least of all those who love you.

Naturally, everyone one will come across someone they think is unsuitable for their friend, daughter, son, parent, BUT if this is the majority and not the minority then we really need to take stock, listen and find the strength to move on. The old adage that “Life is too Short” is very true indeed.

Each new day is a gift and not a given.

Naturally, every aspect of our lives cannot possibly be perfect, but the person we choose to be ‘The One’, should make our heart skip a beat, make the room light up when they smile. Life offers us no guarantees, so we need to be as certain, as we can be of the person we choose to be our lover and our friend. God created something wonderful and unique, YOU!. You would not buy a BMW for your worst neighbour, so don’t give the greatest asset you have to someone undeserving.

Walking away from something that isn’t working takes an awful lot of inner strength and it is so much easier to stay and keep the peace, your partners peace, not yours long term. Find the inner strength, combine it with the love and support from family and friends and you will soon be on your way to a happier, healthier life, with or without a partner.

By MaryAnn Roche.

How To Have A Happy and Healthy Marriage

A healthy marriage can form the foundation or building blocks to stable family environment. Having a strong partnership with your loved one can well lead to many years of happiness. However marriage is definately something that requires daily effort.  It is not a set and forget arrangement.  To work together and build a successful marriage takes love, devotion, respect amongst other things.

Michael Web (a guest of Oprah) recently wrote an interesting book on the secret to having a happy and blissful relationship.  To get your copy click here!
Certainly when you look at the statistics for modern day marriages, things are not encouraging, however there is a lot you can do to ensure you do not become one of these statistics. To be married to another individual firstly in my opinion, takes incredible courage.  You stand there and pledge your undivided love and complete devotion to this person for the rest of your days! Do we really know when we make this vow what marriage is going to entail?  If not, is it better that way?

Marriage over the years seems to unfold and develop and change and grow along the way.  There will undoubtedly be many many conflicts and differing of opinions. How one deals with those conflicts and how much they respect the other really is an integral part of the solving process.  Always being right, or having the last word really does not work in a marriage as marriage is full of comprimise and not assigning blame and coming to something that is workable.

In a past life I spent quite a lot of time interviewing for new staff and one of my questions was; “What do you think is the single most important factor in clear effective communication”?”  You would not believe the number of people who went on about honesty, being clear in what they say etc, when really it all begins with LISTENING.  If we do not listen to the other person, our conversation can be fraught with all sorts of problems!

Marriages seem full of decisions.  There are always the small ones such as choosing the centerpiece for the wedding table or big decisions such as where you will both live.  A good marriage will require that you know how to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings with one another and be prepared to understand that input is required from both parties when it comes to decision making.  It takes two to arrive at a suitable effective decision. Try to understand why your partner wants to make a certain decision and remember if it is not something you agree with, do not react rashly but rather take your time to really hear what they are saying before determining your own feelings on the subject. How important is it to you.

I have a few rules in life but one is that we all have what I call our non-negotiables and these are our core values, the ones that we simply cannot move on.  There are generally about 5 of these.  Then there are our secondary values if you like, those ones that when coming together with another individual in a relationship, are able to be massaged into something workable for both people.

I think at the end of the day, and there will be the most challenging of days when you really will ask yourself what you are doing, and these are the days where you must reflect on the feelings you felt when you met your partner, what they said, what attracted you to them in the first instance.  Reflecting upon this is what carries you through.

Lastly remember saying I love you costs nothing.  It is funny that something that is free is so often overlooked yet undervalued and so often forgotten after a marriage.

By MaryAnn Roche.

How You Can Find a Loving Relationship

Everyone benefits from enjoying a loving relationship! Have you got a great relationship with a special someone? or are you looking to find one?

Has finding a loving relationship been on your mind? Have you been disappointed in your search? While it may seem like discovering the type of relationship you long for is beyond your reach, rest assured it’s not impossible.

There are many strategies you can use to help you in your search for that special someone. Once you find that extraordinary person who loves you for who you are, your relationship can carry you forward, together, toward your dreams and complete fulfillment!

Here are a few important tips to help you find a loving relationship you so desire:

1. Identify your goals. What are your goals? Where do you plan to be in five or ten years? A relationship where both partners have very different goals will be difficult.

* It’s important that you find someone with similar goals so you’re both heading in the same direction. You want to come closer together as your relationship grows, not be torn apart by wildly differing goals. For example, discuss important subjects such as children, career aspirations, and family life before jumping into a relationship.

2. Know your own needs. When looking for a long-term relationship, the first thing you need to do is clarify your own wants and needs. After all, if you don’t know what you want, how will you recognize it when you find it?

Many people go out looking for a relationship with no clue what they really need or want in a companion. When you’re able to figure out your own desires and know who you truly are, then you’re much more likely to find someone who fulfills those desires.

* Know who you are, what you want out of life, and what you absolutely don’t want.

3. Be true to yourself. This is imperative if you want to find the loving relationship your heart longs for. You should never settle for someone just because you want to be in a relationship.

If you’re not true to yourself, you’ll come to regret it later. You may wake up one day and realize you’re not happy with your life, including the person you’re sharing it with.

* Don’t allow your desire to have a loving relationship sell you short of what you really deserve.

4. Be firm with your values. It’s essential to stand up for the values you find important. If your love interest has completely different core values, then you’re not going to be able to build a strong, loving, and lasting relationship.

* You can still have a relationship with someone you disagree with on some issues. However, the foundational values that you hold dear should be shared. This could be your religious or political values, or whatever else is important to you.

Finding a loving relationship is possible – don’t let anyone, including yourself, try to tell you otherwise. However, it’s important that you take the time to prepare yourself to attract your soul mate.

By following these tips, you’re putting yourself in a good position to spark a connection that will last for a lifetime. It might take some time and effort to get to know yourself first, but the results will be worth it!

Enjoying the company, conversation, passion (and sex) of your Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, can be the thing in life that gets you through all the hard times with relative ease.

Everyone deserves to be happy and one of the best ways I know to do that is by loving someone and being loved back. Use my suggestions above and you too, can find a loving relationship!