Should I Stay Or Should I Go………….

For those of you who are the same vintage as I am, you would remember this as a very popular song title. It may bring back some very different memories of a time when things seemed much simpler and life was generally pretty easy. Our youthful memories, should be filled with heady romances and first kisses. Sadly though, we form habits in relationships, that are hard to break, or routines that are hard to put behind us.

We all at around the age of twenty to twenty five start to mature and partners or relationships that once we thought were sweet and tender, suddenly become manipulative and controlling. We can feel this happening but tend to keep telling ourselves that our partner is tired, stressed or even worse, we are doing things to make them unhappy and insecure. Mind you, this behavior is not age restrictive. I have to say that I know many people in their 40′s, 50′s even 60′s who are still repeating this pattern, over and over again. This type of relationship is very hard to walk away from, especially if you have a soft easy going nature, or have self esteem issues. You start to think that this is what you deserve. WRONG!

Rarely do you see strong confident types of people caught up in relationships they are not enjoying, they have the strength and self confidence to make a life for themselves, with or without a partner. If you ever find yourself in a situation where everyone around you can see these signs and they are prepared to put themselves in a vulnerable position by addressing it with you, be rest assured this comes from a place of love. Nobody wants to sabotage your happiness, least of all those who love you.

Naturally, everyone one will come across someone they think is unsuitable for their friend, daughter, son, parent, BUT if this is the majority and not the minority then we really need to take stock, listen and find the strength to move on. The old adage that “Life is too Short” is very true indeed.

Each new day is a gift and not a given.

Naturally, every aspect of our lives cannot possibly be perfect, but the person we choose to be ‘The One’, should make our heart skip a beat, make the room light up when they smile. Life offers us no guarantees, so we need to be as certain, as we can be of the person we choose to be our lover and our friend. God created something wonderful and unique, YOU!. You would not buy a BMW for your worst neighbour, so don’t give the greatest asset you have to someone undeserving.

Walking away from something that isn’t working takes an awful lot of inner strength and it is so much easier to stay and keep the peace, your partners peace, not yours long term. Find the inner strength, combine it with the love and support from family and friends and you will soon be on your way to a happier, healthier life, with or without a partner.

By MaryAnn Roche.

How To Have A Happy and Healthy Marriage

A healthy marriage can form the foundation or building blocks to stable family environment. Having a strong partnership with your loved one can well lead to many years of happiness. However marriage is definately something that requires daily effort.  It is not a set and forget arrangement.  To work together and build a successful marriage takes love, devotion, respect amongst other things.

Michael Web (a guest of Oprah) recently wrote an interesting book on the secret to having a happy and blissful relationship.  To get your copy click here!
Certainly when you look at the statistics for modern day marriages, things are not encouraging, however there is a lot you can do to ensure you do not become one of these statistics. To be married to another individual firstly in my opinion, takes incredible courage.  You stand there and pledge your undivided love and complete devotion to this person for the rest of your days! Do we really know when we make this vow what marriage is going to entail?  If not, is it better that way?

Marriage over the years seems to unfold and develop and change and grow along the way.  There will undoubtedly be many many conflicts and differing of opinions. How one deals with those conflicts and how much they respect the other really is an integral part of the solving process.  Always being right, or having the last word really does not work in a marriage as marriage is full of comprimise and not assigning blame and coming to something that is workable.

In a past life I spent quite a lot of time interviewing for new staff and one of my questions was; “What do you think is the single most important factor in clear effective communication”?”  You would not believe the number of people who went on about honesty, being clear in what they say etc, when really it all begins with LISTENING.  If we do not listen to the other person, our conversation can be fraught with all sorts of problems!

Marriages seem full of decisions.  There are always the small ones such as choosing the centerpiece for the wedding table or big decisions such as where you will both live.  A good marriage will require that you know how to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings with one another and be prepared to understand that input is required from both parties when it comes to decision making.  It takes two to arrive at a suitable effective decision. Try to understand why your partner wants to make a certain decision and remember if it is not something you agree with, do not react rashly but rather take your time to really hear what they are saying before determining your own feelings on the subject. How important is it to you.

I have a few rules in life but one is that we all have what I call our non-negotiables and these are our core values, the ones that we simply cannot move on.  There are generally about 5 of these.  Then there are our secondary values if you like, those ones that when coming together with another individual in a relationship, are able to be massaged into something workable for both people.

I think at the end of the day, and there will be the most challenging of days when you really will ask yourself what you are doing, and these are the days where you must reflect on the feelings you felt when you met your partner, what they said, what attracted you to them in the first instance.  Reflecting upon this is what carries you through.

Lastly remember saying I love you costs nothing.  It is funny that something that is free is so often overlooked yet undervalued and so often forgotten after a marriage.

By MaryAnn Roche.

About Yourself, Know Yourself, Love Yourself

If you’re looking to lead a happier life, believing in yourself is an absolute necessity. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect others to believe in you? In order to love yourself, you need to know yourself and about yourself!

You may have gone through some rough times in your life making it difficult to be the happy person you want to be. Maybe you even suffer from a lack of self-confidence because of past conflicts and pains. No matter what you’ve been through, you can choose to overcome these obstacles.

It’s time to be your own Number 1 fan and there’s no better time to start than right now!

1. Gain more confidence in yourself by facing your fears.

* Fear of failure may have caused you to ignore your dreams, desires or goals. Don’t let fear stop you from getting what you want and achieving your goals. If Thomas Edison had been afraid of failure, we wouldn’t have the luxury of indoor lighting today. He never gave up trying to find the right way to make a light bulb and he experienced over 10,000 ways of how not to make a light bulb. Just because you don’t reach your goals or dreams the first time, don’t give up. Keep trying until you succeed.

* Fear of being alone may stop you from going away to school or moving to a new city where you can pursue your dreams. Realize that you will make new friends and that you’re current friends will always be there. Now with the Internet, staying in touch with your friends and family is easier and more convenient than ever.

* Once you begin facing your fears, you’ll discover that what you feared may not be such a big deal after all. But, you’ll never know until you start.

2. Self-talk can also determine whether you believe in yourself or not.

* Do you often say negative things like, “I’m an idiot,” or “That was a dumb thing to do,” or “I’m ugly?” How you perceive yourself comes out in what you say. However, what you say to yourself can also change how you see yourself.

* Start speaking positively to yourself, about yourself. When you’re getting ready for the day, while looking in the mirror, point out positive characteristics about yourself and say them out loud. Phrases such as:


* “I am an attractive person.”
* “I am a good parent.”
* “I am a hard worker.”
* “I love myself.”
* “I like how I look in these clothes.”
* “I am brilliant.”


* Even if you don’t believe it, say it! You’ll soon realize these things really are true. You can also post positive quotes or scriptures where you would see them several times a day to keep your spirits high.

3. Insecurity can be a source of disbelief.

Learning to be more secure in certain areas of your life will help you believe in yourself more, plus others will begin to believe in you as well.

4. There may be certain areas in your life that you feel you need to work on, so work on them!

* Are you bad at financial management? Take a class to help you learn how to budget so you can be in control of your money, instead of your money controlling you.

* Are you a slow reader? Take a speed-reading class or get a tutor to help you build speed.


* Do you find it challenging to speak in public? Take a public speaking course or become an intern for an organization where you must speak in public.

* Is your weight stopping you from believing yourself? First of all, remember that today’s society has a skewed view of beauty. Don’t allow the media to determine your worth! However, if your weight is at an unhealthy level, learn how to eat healthy and get regular exercise to take some weight off.

No matter what’s stopping you from believing in yourself, there’s a way to overcome it. You’ll first need to figure out what’s causing your self-doubt. Is it fear, insecurity, mental attitudes, or something else? Only then can you face the obstacle and overcome it.

Like I said at the beginning of the article today……If you’re looking to lead a happier life, believing in yourself is an absolute necessity. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect others to believe in you? In order to love yourself, you need to know yourself. Take some time out and learn about yourself today!

Its about time you started Learning to Love Yourself!

Learning to love yourself can be a hard thing to do, especially when you have bad thoughts or a limiting belief and derogatory messages that play over and over in both your conscious and subconscious mind. A lot of these thoughts are instilled during your childhood, and unfortunately can be very debilitating for years to come! Its not a good thing, but are you aware that you are very likely to be suffering because of things your parents, teachers or friends etc said to you decades ago?

When you are a child and somebody tells you, you are no good, you believe them. When they said that you would never amount to anything, you believed them. Kids in particular believe things like, you’re stupid, retarded or weird! And the worst part is most of these ‘kids’ still believe this stuff to this very day – even if they’re not really consciously aware of these deep underlying beliefs.

Anyone suffering this anguish will be happy to know that you can do something about it and start learning to love yourself! Here are three really effective ways to start:

Click here, control your life and learn ways to thrive, not just survive.

Romancing the Stone? Nope! Romance yourself.

Think back and reminisce about the last love affair you had. Isn’t it right that in the beginning you and your loved one devoted a lot of time, care, attention and affection to each other? Didn’t you feel swept off your feet? Were you not blown away by the beauty of your partner? I bet he/she felt the same about you! One of the best ways to start learning to love yourself is to do the same thing, feel it but…. with yourself! Go on, treat yourself like a king or queen. Do all the things that make you feel the happiest. Hug yourself. Sweet-talk yourself. Buy yourself nice things. Spend quality time with yourself. Do it simply because you deserve it and you can!

What do you really think? Delve into your existing beliefs.
You might have suspected that you hold old and unhealthy thoughts in your head but do you actually know what they are? To be able to work out what the beliefs that are holding you back actually are, take yourself on an exploratory mission! Begin exploring your existing beliefs by writing them down on paper. Ask yourself questions like these: “My earliest memory of feeling stupid was . . .” “My mother always made me feel . . .” “My father always treated me like . . .” and so on.

The idea is to think back to an earlier time in your life and check out if you can pinpoint when and where your limiting thoughts got started. Then, rebut those thoughts. Are they still true? I doubt it if they were ever really true! Decide what you WANT to be true, and believe that instead! You can begin to replace the old negative beliefs by putting your focus on your new and improved beliefs. And better thought patterns!

I’m sure you have many good qualities! Check yourself out and emphasize your good qualities!
When you don’t feel good, your problems are on top of you or you have low self-esteem, you tend to focus on the things that are supposedly “wrong with you”. You dismiss the good things that you have going for you and things that are great about you! Turn this around NOW! Praise and encourage yourself when you are having a chat on the inside! (we all talk to ourselves!)

A big part of learning to love yourself is being nice to you!

When you do good, give yourself a pat on the back! When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! Say things like, “Wow, I’m really proud of myself for doing that” or “I’m so good, even though it was hard I did it!” Affirmations are great for when we are talking to ourselves! Say affirmations like these: “I am a valuable person. I have a lot to offer the world. I’m talented and successful.” Even a simple “heeeyyyy! lookin’ good” as you walk past a mirror is uplifting!

The more you do it, the more you’ll come to believe it!
I will write an article on the power of positive affirmations and post it here soon. I hope you have enjoyed today’s article and that you come back to visit me soon. This site is dedicated to making you feel better – so try out these ways in learning to love yourself and feel better now!

Have a great day!