My friend wanted to get out of an unhappy and abusive marriage. Unfortunately for her, she was in a foreign country, away from her family, and didn’t have proper information about the laws of the place. She turned to a woman’s organization, run by other women from her country, for help and she was turned down on the excuse that they can help only if her life were in danger. But, the only help they did provide her was the contact details of some attorneys, who fought similar cases. So, she spoke to a few of the attorneys and hired the least expensive one, because her ex-husband had emptied out her bank account. The only thing that was in her favor was the fact that she had a job and had some source of income to survive and rely on.  After grappling through a few months of divorce and custody battle with her ex-husband, she gained her freedom. That was the turning point of her life. She found meaning and purpose in her pain – She decided to empower other women in her situation, with information and lessons learnt from her experience.

She collected information about stuff from marriage counseling to divorce laws, so she could advice and help others with the information. With all the information gained, she has been helping other women in similar situation, by referring them to relevant people and giving them advice on how to proceed. While understanding that each situation is different, she has tried to balance her emotions and give only objective suggestions.

Struggling through divorce battles or suffering the loss of/separation from loved one are painful situations. Pain is far from being pleasant, but thriving through and finding meaning in pain gives us the inner strength, to go on, be a better person and release encumbrances. When you find meaning in your pain you can turn it into gain.

Use your lessons from the pain and try to help others. Ask yourself this, “What can I gain from this pain that will be lessons learnt for others?” Get involved in helping others. Find meaningful ways to say goodbye to the pain.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Grief is a very unpleasant thing for anyone to have to go through. The causes for grief maybe many: The loss of a loved one, separation from someone, illness of a loved one, etc. My very close cousin recently went through the sudden loss of her father. When I went to visit her there was something she said that stuck with me, “I know no one can replace my father for me. But, there have been so many people coming over to console me and give me support that it makes it easier to deal with and recover from the loss. It is good to know that I have so many people that care and want to help me with my loss.”
How the grief is handled will help you deal with the sadness better and move on with your life. It is easier said than done. For a person going through the sadness and unhappy feeling, there may seem to be nothing that would help them recuperate. People around can only sympathize or empathize with you, but it is up to you to get through it. There are ways to cope with grief and while one works for someone it may not work for another, because everyone handles the given situation differently.
It feels like a lonely path you are treading and you might be thinking that others cannot understand your pain. While that may be true, you should not rule out the idea of allowing moral support or help from people who care about you. If you are comfortable join a support group, where you might meet people in similar situation as yours. When you know that someone is going through a similar pain you may be able to relate better to that person.
While it is important to grieve a loss completely, you have to be mindful that there is life after that. Try to find a distraction for yourself that will keep you occupied and give you time away from the feeling of loss. As a distraction you could do something in memory of the person you are grieving. Make it a celebration of the person’s life. You could pick up some task the person was passionate about and couldn’t complete, in their lifetime.
Life seems to be at a standstill and you seem to be plunged into an abyss of sorrow. But, you have to tell yourself that you will climb out of it and move on with your life, while still holding onto good memories of the person.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche