Men are usually faced with a conflicting situation – To provide for the wife and child(ren) a man has to work, sometimes long hours, and in doing so they miss out on spending time with their family. So, should they work more and make more money to provide or work less and make less money to spend time with the family? It’s a tough challenge to strike a balance between the two. Balancing this is the crux of keeping the family as one unit and ensuring everybody’s happiness.

Through all my years of living with my parents I remember the Golden Rule set by my father – ‘No matter where you go or what you do during the day, be home for dinner’. Dinner was considered an exclusive family time in my house. And, my father rarely broke the rule and rarely allowed us to break this rule. That was a time when we would all get together and catch up with each other, and unwind the day’s happenings. There were days when we’d be rolling on the floor with laughter or when we’d be upset with each other over something or when nothing eventful would happen; however that was our pristine family time. That was the time when my father was balancing his role as the husband and father – knowing what’s happening in his wife’s and children’s lives, understanding their needs, giving undivided attention and building lasting memories. I still look back with fond memories of those days and wonder if people still believe in such activities.

Setting priorities is very important when it comes to balancing conflicting interests. While it’s important to fulfill your duties at work, it is equally important to fulfill your duties as a husband and father.

Set an exclusive time for the family, when you can unwind your day and catch up with your family. Divide and plan your activities between activities for the whole family and things that you can do exclusively with your wife. You don’t have to plan anything big. Maybe you can have something like a game night on one day of the week, when the whole family can get together and play some games. With your wife, maybe you could have a lunch date day if feasible.

Offer to take turns with your wife for the pickups and drop-offs. Your wife shouldn’t be the only one that takes your children to their school/classes/play dates. Offer to do that job sometimes, this would not only give your wife a much needed break, but help you connect with your children and know more about their activities.

Be the anchor for your family. Even if you don’t understand why they are upset be supportive of them when they are upset. You can rationalize later, when everyone calms down.

Everyone likes surprises. So, make room for some occasional surprises. Be the “Neighbor’s envy and Family’s pride”.

By

Mary-Ann Roche