Hello! How are you? I would like to share with you a very inspiring story of a friend of mine. Last week, I accidentally met a long-lost friend of mine when I went to the grocery store. At first, I did not recognize her. She was the one who called my name and introduced herself. I was surprised by the huge changes in her physical appearance and lifestyle. By the way, two decades ago my friends and I used to joke on her and call her ugly duckling for her appearance and status in life. She belonged to an impoverished family. Her mom was widowed, and so had to support and take care of her 8 children by herself. The death of the father caused financial crisis in the family. They could not take a decent meal a day. And so, my friend and some of her siblings were not given proper nourishment. They were so thin and looked like malnourished people. Her face was covered with pimples, and her skin with boils, scars and rashes. She could not afford to go to dermatologist due to lack of money. She was overage when she graduated in high school because she started schooling late and needed to stop schooling once in a while to assist her mom in taking care of her siblings. When she was a teenager, she was molested and physically abused by her stepfather. She endured this torture for many years because of fear to be separated from her family, and dread of being killed by her stepfather. But, this is not the end of her suffering. She jumped from one relationship to another relationship for her need of security, love and acceptance. These relationships pierced her heart more due to physical, verbal and sexual abuse by men whom she loved and to whom she entrusted herself. The last thing I knew about her was that she got hooked on drugs and alcohol. And after that, I have not heard anymore from her for years.
After almost 20 years, the person she was then is different what she is now. All the suffering and hardships she experienced then did not crush her, but strengthen her. The trials she faced then did not dampen her spirit, but challenge her. The pain she endured then did not discourage her from pursuing her dreams, but fuel her to fight. She did not consider all problems and sorrows as failures and stumbling blocks, but opportunities for her to grow and mature. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: attitude, happiness, hope, recovery, self help, suffering

As I write this I am sitting in a small cafe in Istanbul, Turkey. Having arrived here only 3 days ago it is a world away from home as I know it. My eldest daughter is now 26 and when she was at Pre-School I was lucky enough to meet up with and get to know another Mum, whose little boy attended the same pre-school.

26 years later here we are….She is Australian and when in her own country we see each other about once a year! She travelled through Europe last year and stumbled upon Istanbul and loved it, so decided to stay! She has now been here almost a year on her own, living life and loving every wondrous moment it bestows upon her.

So many of her friends and family are bewildered and perplexed at what she doing! How could she leave her husband at home, her adult children and extended family, and why?

Because she found somewhere she loved and she made a decision to act on it. So often in life we don’t heed the warning signs, and trust me there are many along life’s journey, its just that we dont always see them. The difference is she did and what a wonderfully enriched life she is living.

It’s sometimes very challenging, living where you cannot speak the language, a woman on her own, learning to live her life in a foreign country without knowing anyone here. I am sure she has days where she wants to give it all up and go home, but the passion she feels for Istanbul and her craving for adventure keeps her here.

I envy and admire her courage and tenancy for as I write this she is struggling through a university class trying to learn turkish. She will come home frustrated yet elated having risen to yet another challenge of the day. While the rest of us go blindly through our lives, not knowing what we are potentially missing.

Cheers
Mary-Ann Roche.

Tags: courage, happiness, inspiration, motivation, overcoming fear, passion, positive attitude

While growing up I envisioned my life to be filled with a lot of excitement and adventures, and of course idealistically Happy. Partially true to my imagination, my life is full of the adrenaline rush though not always with positive excitement. With age and maturity I have come to realize that ‘Happiness’ is just relative. You know what the old adage says “Happiness is where you Find it, not where you Seek it”. I have learnt to find happiness in all the little things in my life and in the happiness of the people around me.

I have been redefining happiness for myself, starting with taking my son as my inspiration. As parents we teach our children a lot of things but there is a lot we can learn in turn from them. Though their innocence probably contributes in making them easily happy, that easy happiness for little things is a valuable quality we adults can benefit from having. There is nothing too small to give us great joy. My son thinks that his happiest moment is when I play his favorite-baseball game with him. His beaming smile and the twinkle in his eyes are enough to make me happy.

Happiness has become a state of mind between the vicissitudes of life. It is these intermittent moments that have made me value Happiness and helped me balance my joys and sorrows. It’s only when we go through the ups and downs that we can appreciate happiness for what it is. So let us work on finding our happiness.

By,

Mary-Ann Roche

Tags: happiness, joy

Many adult women of today where told by their parents, when they were little girls, to be nice, quiet, obedient and not to complain. They wanted to be good in order not to upset mommy and daddy, so they did what they were told. They obeyed and when there was something they didn’t like, they kept it to themselves.

 These little girls grew up and today they are thirty, forty, fifty. They are experienced, self-confident and educated. But even today they are subconsciously afraid of admitting that something is wrong. They fear that their partner will blame them for creating problems, get upset and eventually stop loving them. However, being tight-lipped is one of the most destructive relationship mistakes. And if you don’t dare to talk about what bothers you and to express your wishes, you’re not being a good girl at all. On the contrary.

We all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Usually, women are considered more communicative, while men tend to find it more difficult to open up, show their emotions and discuss relationship issues.

However, there is one communication area in which we, women, often do not excel. Many of us have problems telling the truth when something is wrong and expressing exactly what we want. Instead, we expect men to see what’s wrong and to guess what we want. The bad news is that men are no mind readers and most of the time they believe what we tell them.

Let’s have a look at this typical example: Your partner asks you if you’re okay. You say that you are. He’s happy and goes about his day. But in reality, you’re not okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you’re sad, maybe you have a headache, maybe he said something or did something annoying. However, you don’t say a word because you expect him to know, to see it, to feel it. He would, if he really loved you, right? So you get frustrated and furious. He doesn’t understand why you’re snapping at him, and he says you’re hysterical. It makes you even more furious because you’re angry for a reason. He still doesn’t understand. You end up fighting for nothing. Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s quite possible that your mum or your best friend really see when something is wrong and don’t leave you alone until you tell them. However, most men are much more straightforward and a bit less empathetic than women, and when you say you’re fine, they take your word for it.

So my advice is: Speak up and tell your partner how you feel and what you think. Believe me, he can take it. Actually, he’ll be happy to listen, advice and help, or just to hug you and support you.

The same rule applies to relationship issues. Maybe something he does (or did) has been bugging you for some time. Maybe you would like to spend more time together or do different things. Maybe his habits are ticking you off. He can’t know it unless you tell him, and such little “secrets” have ruined many good relationships. The tension keeps building up, you’re not happy, he can see that but he doesn’t understand why. It leads to unnecessary fights and even to break-ups.

Your partner wants your relationship to work, just like you do. He wants to be happy, just like you want him to be happy. And he wants to know what’s going on in your head, just like you want to know what’s going on in his. Talking about things that bother you and about those that you want or long for should become a natural part of your relationship. So start today. Tell your partner you want to discuss something over a good meal on Friday night and believe me, he’ll be ready to listen. Don’t accuse each other and don’t complain, just talk about things that you would like to change. Stop keeping your worries to yourself. You’re in this together, it’s your relationship and you love each other, so be honest and open. And remember, hints are useless and they don’t work, so don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. You will see that straightforwardness is something that men deeply appreciate.

 Written by Barbora Knobova.

Tags: boost your self esteem, confidence, happiness, Love, personal development, positive thinking, Relationships, respect, Self Esteem and Confidence

From Lisa’s Chair

The journey I have been on over the last five years is something most people, me included, only read about or see in the movies.  It has been a journey of highs, lows, laughter, tears and mostly of survival and self discovery.  A journey of developing into the person I have become today.  From the lows of lying in a Spinal unit to the highs of seeing the sparkling lights of the famous “Las Vegas Strip”.

It all began this time 5 years ago with a slight nagging pain in my upper arm.  I came home from my working day and commented to my partner that my upper arm was sore.  This progressed quite quickly to a pain that affected my daily routine, stopping me from working, sleeping and socialising.  I found myself at the emergency department of our major hospital, to be given the diagnosis of a massive bulging disc on my C5/C6.  After trying so many lotions and potions I was advised  by my doctor that the only option was surgery.  I was then booked to see a “Very well known and experienced” Neurosurgeon.  I was excited to be seeing this person who would take away my pain and give me my life back.  He assured me it was a very simple operation, and I would have more hope of being hit by a bus when he discharged me, than of anything going wrong.  I was so full of hope and could hardly wait until this wonderful person was going to give me my life back, 9th February 2005.  I could never had known how his words would ring in my ears for the rest of my life………3 to 5 days, you will be back home, pain free.  Those words started me on a journey of self development into the stronger person I have become today.

Hope you enjoy my story….

Kind Regards
Lisa Monaghan

Out with the Old In with the New

9^th February, 2005, a day forever in my memory, a day I was so looking forward to. Arriving bright and early keen to get the process going, I could never have imagined how devastated my family and I would feel by late this afternoon. I really don’t think there are any words that could describe my mortal fear when I realized that I could no longer move, I was so happy as I waved to my mother at 10am that morning as they wheeled me away smiling, to the operating theatre.

 Somewhere, somehow during my operation something had happened that would change everything in every aspect of my life. My body, mind and soul were no longer as I had always known them to be. My first realisation that all was not well was saying I felt pain in my arm, I just kept repeating that something was wrong. My family were downstairs unsure of what was going on as I was due out of theatre three hours earlier.

I remember waking seeing my Son, Daughter, Mother and Partner standing there smiling, huge bunches of flowers in hand, happy to see me at last. They had no idea of the horror we were all about to face. I was so sure that this was going away and all was going to be good again. Why wouldn’t it be-I was getting a new car and had a planned holiday to the Reef. Just a day or two should see all of this go away, after all the awful pain I felt was gone. I will be home again in 3 to 5 days, the Surgeon had assured me of that.

Never could I have imaged the journey I was about to undertake, a journey of digging deep and finding survival tactics I never knew existed. It is amazing the inner strength you can find when you are faced with adversity. Look out Lisa, out with the old and in with the new……….

07/02/10

As you can see by the date on my column today it has been some time since I last wrote and things have come to light of which I could never have imagined, but for now back to my hospital stay.  My three day visit lasted for nine long agonizing months, agonizing for me, my children, my parents, family and friends.  To see the pain and helplessness on their face day after day is really hard and sad.  To see their glee is also sad, their glee because you can now hold a pen or a cup or you can brush your hair, they feign excitement but really their heart is just as broken as yours, but they have to be as happy as they can be for your sake.  You do have your happy moments of course when funny things happen and you can even laugh at yourself and as time goes on you learn to do this more and more.  As much as you don’t like being in hospital it almost becomes a safe haven or another family and leaving it, even for just a few hours can be quite traumatic.  

My first trip out of the hospital was amazing and I almost felt like an alien!  Allan, my partner at the time, had asked me to marry him and he wanted to take me for a champagne to celebrate.  I had been practicing for a few weeks with my physiotherapist, Josh, how to transfer in and out of a car, so here was my opportunity.  It was slow, difficult and painful, but with the help of my Physio’s and Allan I was in the front seat of the car, the same car that had dropped me off a few months ago to start this painful journey.  Oh how excited I felt, it felt so weird to be in a car, yet I had been driving since I was 17.  We drove off leaving the hospital behind, so excited at something so seemingly small, I immediately called my mother and said excitedly “You will never guess where I am Mum, I am in the car with Allan”, such a big moment, we were so happy.  We stopped and picked up some piccolos of champagne and went and parked down by the river and drank to our excitement, to getting engaged, to being alone together, to being back in the real world, sitting in the car like a ‘Normal’ person, life just didn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of biting you when you least expect it, after we had finished drinking our champagne, it was time for me to remember that I had to go back to the Spinal Unit, Allan had told me something that had broken my heart and the Physios gave us a scolding as in our haste to get away from the hospital we had forgotten to take my wheelchair.  It seems my spinal injury was going to be with me wherever I went for the rest of my life……..how could I deal with that?

Kind Regards

Lisa Monaghan

Tags: anxiety, attitude, change, coping with change, fear, happiness, inspiration, Love, personal development, sadness, Self Esteem and Confidence, self improvement