From Lisa’s Chair

The journey I have been on over the last five years is something most people, me included, only read about or see in the movies.  It has been a journey of highs, lows, laughter, tears and mostly of survival and self discovery.  A journey of developing into the person I have become today.  From the lows of lying in a Spinal unit to the highs of seeing the sparkling lights of the famous “Las Vegas Strip”.

It all began this time 5 years ago with a slight nagging pain in my upper arm.  I came home from my working day and commented to my partner that my upper arm was sore.  This progressed quite quickly to a pain that affected my daily routine, stopping me from working, sleeping and socialising.  I found myself at the emergency department of our major hospital, to be given the diagnosis of a massive bulging disc on my C5/C6.  After trying so many lotions and potions I was advised  by my doctor that the only option was surgery.  I was then booked to see a “Very well known and experienced” Neurosurgeon.  I was excited to be seeing this person who would take away my pain and give me my life back.  He assured me it was a very simple operation, and I would have more hope of being hit by a bus when he discharged me, than of anything going wrong.  I was so full of hope and could hardly wait until this wonderful person was going to give me my life back, 9th February 2005.  I could never had known how his words would ring in my ears for the rest of my life………3 to 5 days, you will be back home, pain free.  Those words started me on a journey of self development into the stronger person I have become today.

Hope you enjoy my story….

Kind Regards
Lisa Monaghan

Out with the Old In with the New

9^th February, 2005, a day forever in my memory, a day I was so looking forward to. Arriving bright and early keen to get the process going, I could never have imagined how devastated my family and I would feel by late this afternoon. I really don’t think there are any words that could describe my mortal fear when I realized that I could no longer move, I was so happy as I waved to my mother at 10am that morning as they wheeled me away smiling, to the operating theatre.

 Somewhere, somehow during my operation something had happened that would change everything in every aspect of my life. My body, mind and soul were no longer as I had always known them to be. My first realisation that all was not well was saying I felt pain in my arm, I just kept repeating that something was wrong. My family were downstairs unsure of what was going on as I was due out of theatre three hours earlier.

I remember waking seeing my Son, Daughter, Mother and Partner standing there smiling, huge bunches of flowers in hand, happy to see me at last. They had no idea of the horror we were all about to face. I was so sure that this was going away and all was going to be good again. Why wouldn’t it be-I was getting a new car and had a planned holiday to the Reef. Just a day or two should see all of this go away, after all the awful pain I felt was gone. I will be home again in 3 to 5 days, the Surgeon had assured me of that.

Never could I have imaged the journey I was about to undertake, a journey of digging deep and finding survival tactics I never knew existed. It is amazing the inner strength you can find when you are faced with adversity. Look out Lisa, out with the old and in with the new……….

07/02/10

As you can see by the date on my column today it has been some time since I last wrote and things have come to light of which I could never have imagined, but for now back to my hospital stay.  My three day visit lasted for nine long agonizing months, agonizing for me, my children, my parents, family and friends.  To see the pain and helplessness on their face day after day is really hard and sad.  To see their glee is also sad, their glee because you can now hold a pen or a cup or you can brush your hair, they feign excitement but really their heart is just as broken as yours, but they have to be as happy as they can be for your sake.  You do have your happy moments of course when funny things happen and you can even laugh at yourself and as time goes on you learn to do this more and more.  As much as you don’t like being in hospital it almost becomes a safe haven or another family and leaving it, even for just a few hours can be quite traumatic.  

My first trip out of the hospital was amazing and I almost felt like an alien!  Allan, my partner at the time, had asked me to marry him and he wanted to take me for a champagne to celebrate.  I had been practicing for a few weeks with my physiotherapist, Josh, how to transfer in and out of a car, so here was my opportunity.  It was slow, difficult and painful, but with the help of my Physio’s and Allan I was in the front seat of the car, the same car that had dropped me off a few months ago to start this painful journey.  Oh how excited I felt, it felt so weird to be in a car, yet I had been driving since I was 17.  We drove off leaving the hospital behind, so excited at something so seemingly small, I immediately called my mother and said excitedly “You will never guess where I am Mum, I am in the car with Allan”, such a big moment, we were so happy.  We stopped and picked up some piccolos of champagne and went and parked down by the river and drank to our excitement, to getting engaged, to being alone together, to being back in the real world, sitting in the car like a ‘Normal’ person, life just didn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of biting you when you least expect it, after we had finished drinking our champagne, it was time for me to remember that I had to go back to the Spinal Unit, Allan had told me something that had broken my heart and the Physios gave us a scolding as in our haste to get away from the hospital we had forgotten to take my wheelchair.  It seems my spinal injury was going to be with me wherever I went for the rest of my life……..how could I deal with that?

Kind Regards

Lisa Monaghan

Tags: anxiety, attitude, change, coping with change, fear, happiness, inspiration, Love, personal development, sadness, Self Esteem and Confidence, self improvement

7 Anger Management  Exercises to Help you Remain Calm

Mastering anger management is about being in charge of your emotions and taking the time to stop and think prior to speaking out. If you fail to control your anger you may very well destroy important relationships with those around you leading possibly to physical and certainly emotional damage and you will undoubtedly, harm yourself in the process.

Before looking at 7 Anger management exercises lets take a look at anger and what is represents.  Always reported to be a “bad” or “wrong” emotion we need to understand that anger does in fact serve a purpose, and is there to tell us that something is really wrong. Anger really is a failure to express one’s emotions in an appropriate and productive manner and outlined below are some anger management exercises designed to help you keep a cool head.

1. Don’t React. Take the time to think about any previous situations that have gotten you into trouble in the past. At the time you probably reacted immediately to the issue in an angry manner.  Remember that whenever you are presented with a situation that is stressful to you, do not react.  Stop and think through what is really happening, decide how you feel about it and then decide how you are going to act.

2. Breathe. If you are in a situation where you have let your emotions gain control and you are feeling extremely angry, then take the time to stop and breathe, slow breaths in and out until you are able to regain control and get back into this mindset of emotional control.

Try this “at home” study course – “Regaining Control of Your Anger“.

3. Don’t Worry quite so much about other people. Sometimes we get very caught up in how other people perceive us and what opinion they have of us. When this happens and we try to please everyone and make everyone happy, we tend to forget about ourselves which can in turn leave us feeling angry and resentful.

4. Include Exercise in your Life. A consistent and regular exercise routine can help you to release pent up emotions and frustrations. If you feel anger welling up inside, you can always take yourself for a walk or a run, or a game of golf, anything that is an avenue for releasing that anger in a healthy way.

5. Never Hold a Grudge. Holding a grudge against someone, even it is truly warranted, only ends up hurting you at the end of the day.  Try to practice the art of forgiving and forgetting. In some instances this may be very difficult to do, but will actually bring peace into your life.

6. Learn the Art of Relaxation. If you are tired and stressed, anger has a tendency to arise more often. Relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga, soaking in a bath, deep breathing exercises, listening to music – are all strategies to help you to relax.

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7. Learn How to Appropriately Express your Anger. When you feel anger, the trick is to try to identify why you are feeling it, what does it really mean?  Then you must quickly try to express this anger appropriately, causing minimal damage to yourself and to others. Remember suppressing your anger is not the answer, and this could over time, make things much worse and can lead to issues with depression and more.

I find that generally speaking, when I’m angry its more to do with fear than anything else.  So next time you feel angry STOP and try to identify with what the real issue is.

Children and Anger

I am sure we all from time to time have watched in horror at the degree to which our children young and old can display their anger.  I know my own children could get extremely angry and upset and throw tantrums when they were little.  It is very difficult to try to talk to and reason with a very young child and we have to rely upon their body language to try and assess the situation and determine what is causing the leve of anger they are experiencing.  Really easy to do isn’t it when you have a 2 year old SCREAMING THE HOUSE DOWN!

Likewise the same can be said of teenagers and young adults.  It is often very difficult to determine what is causing their anger and it could be any one of a thousand things.

The most important thing though is to teach our children appropriateness in terms of expressing their anger.  Yes it is perfectly normal healthy to experience anger as an emotion however it is not acceptable if that anger involves inflicting physical or emotional pain on another.

A really good resource that you can listen to in the comfort of your own home is a 75-minute audio recording by Parenting Expert Toni Schutta where she talks about the typical anger triggers for children, calming techniques to use and really understanding what anger is all about.  I would recommend you give it a try – “Children’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping.”-grab your copy here.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: Anger, anger exercises, anger management, fear, Meditation, relaxation, relaxation techniques, yoga

About Fear and about Success

So you’re probably thinking that fear and success dont mesh into one sentence? Well they do and alot of people actually fear success and other things that stand in the way of them achieving success.

Everyone has fears and many people let those fears stop them from doing things that may prove to be worthwhile or even lucrative.

What are you afraid of? Are your worries preventing you from getting things accomplished in your life?

How can you turn your fear into a positive force in your life?

The first thing you need to understand is the fear itself. Why are you afraid? Is it a rational fear? A fear of snakes can be rational, while a fear of spoons isn’t.

Figure out if your fear is rational; if it isn’t, try to understand why you have such an irrational fear. You may need to seek help if you can’t understand or overcome it.

Sometimes the only way to get over a stress or worry is to confront it head on. If you have a fear of failure about a certain task, then the only thing to do is take it on and beat it. If you succeed, you’ll be encouraged to face another fear.

Sometimes the things we are afraid of can drive us to do great things and achieve massive success. Once you learn to conquer your fears, you can move past them. The strength you gain from conquering them can provide the momentum that drives you to future success.

If you fail to conquer your fear the first time, regroup and try again. Each time you try, you’ll learn something new that you can use the next time around.

You can also take your mind off your fears. Here are 3 good ways:

1. Set goals.

Take some time out of your day to set some specific, short term, and simple goals. The more you can complete, the more self-confidence you’ll build. Self-confidence is a powerful tool for removing fear.

2. Talk about it.

Fears can multiply when you bottle them up inside you. When you let fear build, it snowballs and gets bigger and bigger until it becomes terrifying to you. Talking about it helps relieve the pressure and gives you the opportunity to obtain honest feedback.

3. Exercise.

Physical activity boosts the immune system and strengthens the mind and body. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins that help promote a healthy mind and body. In the least, exercise can take your mind off your worries.

Worries Are Fears, Too!

Let go of the habit of worry. Worry is a useless emotion and doesn’t help you move beyond rational fear. Why? Worry always falls into one of two categories:

1. Things you can control.

If you can control the situation you are concerned about, then it’s simple: take action! If you’re doing everything you can, then you no longer have any need to worry and are on the road to success.

* Worry slows you down, makes you second guess yourself, and could even lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

2. Things you can’t control.

If you have no control over the outcome of a situation, why worry about it? You can’t change or control other people. What will happen, will happen.

* Worrying won’t make a difference at all in the situation. It will only add to your fears and prevent you from taking care of the things you can control.


In the end, facing your fears head on will give you more self-confidence, provide valuable experience, and make you stronger as you build your success. You don’t have to be a slave to your fears. You can face your fears valiantly and triumphantly! Don’t fear success, embrace it – it feels great! That’s what I’m thinking about fear and about success – do you have anything to add?

Tags: about fear, About Fear and Success, about success, fear, fear success, Fears, Success

You can overcome the Fear of the Unknown

Fear has been defined in several ways; however, the most basic definition of fear is an emotional response based on the fact that we’re faced with something unfamiliar or impending danger.

Experiencing fear can greatly impact your view on life, your confidence levels, and even the potential that you have as an individual.

Overcoming the fear of the unknown is a challenging endeavor, but it can be done. If you suffer from a fear of uncertainty, understanding what fear is, and how it affects you, can start you on the road to conquering it.

When we experience fear, several psychological and physiological responses take place all at the same time.

Psychological events include feeling emotionally overwhelmed, having high levels of anxiety, and even feeling terrified. Physiological responses include a faster heart rate, shallow breathing, and similar effects.

Here’s an example of a situation where a woman had the crippling fear that everything she did would result in failure:

Janice was very successful in her career and personal life. It seemed that people were instantly drawn to her and her ideas, but on the inside, Janice was a mess.

Every time she worked on a project, she would throw herself into it. In the end, she would ultimately succeed, but on the inside, she was always worried that she would fail or that her completed project wouldn’t be good enough.

For the most part, she recognized the fact that her fear was irrational. However, Janice grew up in an abusive home. She was physically beaten and consistently ridiculed by her father. Regardless of what she did, it was never enough to meet his expectations.

The result was that she grew up to become a workaholic, often struggling to finish several things at once, and leaving very little time for herself.

The root of her fear of failure was grounded in her childhood. Her father harbored unrealistically high expectations and would be mentally and physically abusive towards her when his expectations weren’t met. Once she realized this about her past, Janice was able to ease her personal expectations and overcome her fear.

Here are some strategies you can use to help overcome your fear:

1. Face your fears. Once you’ve accepted your fear and identified the root cause, you’re ready to conquer it! The best method to do this is to face it head on.

* Make a decision to purposely tackle your fears by indulging yourself in activities that push you outside of your comfort zone. For example, put yourself in a place where you’re safe, yet uncomfortable, or respectfully confront someone from your past. In the end, you’ll find that you can successfully overcome your fears, one by one!

2. Recognize your fears. By realizing that you’re fearful, you’re more likely to get to the bottom of what the fear is.

* You may also have a fear of facing your fears. The best way to conquer this fear is to accept the truth behind what’s causing you to experience limited happiness in life.

* Regardless of the issue at hand, it’s important that you recognize your fear and attempt to define what it is that makes you terrified of the unknown. The key here is not to dwell on your fear, but rather to understand precisely what it is you’re worried about.

* You might come to understand that you’re afraid of failing or taking chances. You may even be fearful because you simply don’t have confidence in yourself.

3. Determine the underlying root of your fears. How can you identify the cause of your fears? An insightful look at your life might reveal the answer. By recognizing what causes your fears, it’s likely you can overcome them with great success!

As you work to unlock the chains that bind you to your fears, you’ll enjoy a freedom that you’ve never felt before.

To overcome your fear of the unknown is a difficult undertaking. However, if you take the time to engage in these three steps, you’ll discover a renewed peace and happiness within your heart!

You can do it! Overcome your fear and have a better life!

Tags: fear, fear of the unknown, overcome your fear

Here are 3 steps to Overcoming Your Fears

Has fear ever held you back by preventing you from doing something? If so, you’re not alone. Everyday, people are being held back by fear.

Click here to take control of your life and learn ways to thrive, not just survive.

Fear can have a very negative impact on your life. It can prevent you from following your dreams, taking risks, or from achieving success. If you let yourself be held back by fear, it can paralyze you. It can take away some of the quality of your life and keep you inactive and not following your dreams.

While fear is natural, common, and normal, too much fear is not a good thing. There are steps you can take to help control your fear and ways of overcoming your fear – here’s a few!

1) Change your expectations- A big contributor to fear is expecting negative things. Are you always expecting the worst? Are you the type of person who obsessively worries about all the terrible things that could go wrong instead of focusing on the positive?

Make a choice to expect good things and to see the positive out of every situation. Tell yourself that you are stronger than you think and you can actually handle more than you know. When you don’t view things so negatively, you don’t have so much fear to deal with. You may not be able to take away all fear all the time, but you can keep it in perspective.

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2) Discredit your fears- Even though it’s true that most of the things you fear won’t actually happen, that doesn’t help when you are paralyzed by fear. By examining your fears closely, you should be able to dismiss a few of them and diminish most of them.

Let’s say you are terrified of speaking in public and your boss told you that you must give a presentation in front of your co-workers. What are your fears? You are probably terrified that all of your co-workers will make fun of you, you may even get fired, or your boss may lose respect for you. If you just bite the bullet and do your best, it will probably go well. Biting the bullet is a good way of overcoming your fears!

None of the things you fear so much are really likely to happen. In most cases the presentation will be just an ordinary event and you will realize all that fear and worry was over nothing. Instead of worrying, turn your fear into something positive by practicing on your presentation.

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3) Do what you fear- If you realize that fear is just a feeling and many times you are fearing in vain, the fear becomes less powerful. You can choose to defeat your fears.

If you do something that you fear, you will see that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was and you were worrying for nothing. The scary consequences are often exaggerated in your mind.

By looking at things in perspective you may see that it’s not likely for such negative consequences and you may feel more empowered to go ahead in spite of your fears. Don’t become reckless, but realize most fears are not founded, so don’t let your fear hold you back and prevent you from having a full life.

These are just a few ways to help you in overcoming your fears!
Have a great day – Kym

Tags: fear, overcoming fear, overcoming your fears