Shyness or social phobia can be an unrewarding state we can all fall into at different times and stages of our lives and the condition can become worse if we do not recognise it and do something about it.

We all have to face different cicumstances and people and places as we journey through life and letting shyness or social phobia have too big an input will only lower your self esteem and affect your enjoyment of what could otherwise be a rewarding experience.

So we see shyness can occur at all stages of life but ones first experience of it can be when you are young. Todays youngsters on the whole are less liable to be shy than those of yesteryear but it can and does still occur.

What to do when first you become aware of it.

Resolve first of all to tackle the problem.

Then ascertain whether it is people or places that are the the problem. If people,you must resolve to make an effort to meet and greet them with politeness and friendliness.

Inquire after their health and try to find out what they are most interested in.

Most people being generally selfish are most interested in themselves and like to talk about themselves.

So be a good listener and try to be genuinely interested in their life story. Should your endeavours be rebuffed or ignored do not let it worry you because it will be the exception and if there is a gathering of people you will have no difficulty finding someone to converse with along the lines previously mentioned. 

Your self confidence and esteem will rise and your shyness will tend to evaporate. If you are shy about going to places and events your efforts to overcome this shyness will be  rewarded. Do not worry about any rudeness you may encounter because it will only show the perpetrater to be less a person than you and it should be used to bolster your confidence rather than undermine your self esteem.

 Should you feel shy and reluctant to go to places or events that you have not been to before once again you must summon the effort/resolve required and make yourself go.You will discver that it is not as bad as you feared and you can enjoy the surrondings and people and your shyness will be virtually overcome.

Overcoming shyness or social phobia takes time and to be honest a lot of practise.  Putting yourself out there when asked to attend a function or drinks after work, whatever it may be, will become easier the more often you do it.  Think about the people you may meet before you attend a particular function, what do these people have in common, perhaps pick one or two people to talk to that you recognize as talkers rather than listeners.  I am including a link to a great audio pack that can really help you understand your shyness and how it affects you socially, and teach you the strategies to overcome it and enjoy your life.  Purchase your copy of “Overoming Social Anxiety and Shyness “here.

By Michael Joseph Roche aged 87 years.

From Lisa’s Chair

The journey I have been on over the last five years is something most people, me included, only read about or see in the movies.  It has been a journey of highs, lows, laughter, tears and mostly of survival and self discovery.  A journey of developing into the person I have become today.  From the lows of lying in a Spinal unit to the highs of seeing the sparkling lights of the famous “Las Vegas Strip”.

It all began this time 5 years ago with a slight nagging pain in my upper arm.  I came home from my working day and commented to my partner that my upper arm was sore.  This progressed quite quickly to a pain that affected my daily routine, stopping me from working, sleeping and socialising.  I found myself at the emergency department of our major hospital, to be given the diagnosis of a massive bulging disc on my C5/C6.  After trying so many lotions and potions I was advised  by my doctor that the only option was surgery.  I was then booked to see a “Very well known and experienced” Neurosurgeon.  I was excited to be seeing this person who would take away my pain and give me my life back.  He assured me it was a very simple operation, and I would have more hope of being hit by a bus when he discharged me, than of anything going wrong.  I was so full of hope and could hardly wait until this wonderful person was going to give me my life back, 9th February 2005.  I could never had known how his words would ring in my ears for the rest of my life………3 to 5 days, you will be back home, pain free.  Those words started me on a journey of self development into the stronger person I have become today.

Hope you enjoy my story….

Kind Regards
Lisa Monaghan

Out with the Old In with the New

9^th February, 2005, a day forever in my memory, a day I was so looking forward to. Arriving bright and early keen to get the process going, I could never have imagined how devastated my family and I would feel by late this afternoon. I really don’t think there are any words that could describe my mortal fear when I realized that I could no longer move, I was so happy as I waved to my mother at 10am that morning as they wheeled me away smiling, to the operating theatre.

 Somewhere, somehow during my operation something had happened that would change everything in every aspect of my life. My body, mind and soul were no longer as I had always known them to be. My first realisation that all was not well was saying I felt pain in my arm, I just kept repeating that something was wrong. My family were downstairs unsure of what was going on as I was due out of theatre three hours earlier.

I remember waking seeing my Son, Daughter, Mother and Partner standing there smiling, huge bunches of flowers in hand, happy to see me at last. They had no idea of the horror we were all about to face. I was so sure that this was going away and all was going to be good again. Why wouldn’t it be-I was getting a new car and had a planned holiday to the Reef. Just a day or two should see all of this go away, after all the awful pain I felt was gone. I will be home again in 3 to 5 days, the Surgeon had assured me of that.

Never could I have imaged the journey I was about to undertake, a journey of digging deep and finding survival tactics I never knew existed. It is amazing the inner strength you can find when you are faced with adversity. Look out Lisa, out with the old and in with the new……….

07/02/10

As you can see by the date on my column today it has been some time since I last wrote and things have come to light of which I could never have imagined, but for now back to my hospital stay.  My three day visit lasted for nine long agonizing months, agonizing for me, my children, my parents, family and friends.  To see the pain and helplessness on their face day after day is really hard and sad.  To see their glee is also sad, their glee because you can now hold a pen or a cup or you can brush your hair, they feign excitement but really their heart is just as broken as yours, but they have to be as happy as they can be for your sake.  You do have your happy moments of course when funny things happen and you can even laugh at yourself and as time goes on you learn to do this more and more.  As much as you don’t like being in hospital it almost becomes a safe haven or another family and leaving it, even for just a few hours can be quite traumatic.  

My first trip out of the hospital was amazing and I almost felt like an alien!  Allan, my partner at the time, had asked me to marry him and he wanted to take me for a champagne to celebrate.  I had been practicing for a few weeks with my physiotherapist, Josh, how to transfer in and out of a car, so here was my opportunity.  It was slow, difficult and painful, but with the help of my Physio’s and Allan I was in the front seat of the car, the same car that had dropped me off a few months ago to start this painful journey.  Oh how excited I felt, it felt so weird to be in a car, yet I had been driving since I was 17.  We drove off leaving the hospital behind, so excited at something so seemingly small, I immediately called my mother and said excitedly “You will never guess where I am Mum, I am in the car with Allan”, such a big moment, we were so happy.  We stopped and picked up some piccolos of champagne and went and parked down by the river and drank to our excitement, to getting engaged, to being alone together, to being back in the real world, sitting in the car like a ‘Normal’ person, life just didn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of biting you when you least expect it, after we had finished drinking our champagne, it was time for me to remember that I had to go back to the Spinal Unit, Allan had told me something that had broken my heart and the Physios gave us a scolding as in our haste to get away from the hospital we had forgotten to take my wheelchair.  It seems my spinal injury was going to be with me wherever I went for the rest of my life……..how could I deal with that?

Kind Regards

Lisa Monaghan

What is Burnout and How to Avoid It.

Burnout is one of those things that tends to creep up on you, often without you realizing it.  When it does it can significantly affect your mind and body, causing complete exhaustion, anxiety and often causes depression. If you dont stop burnout before it takes hold, it can lead to more serious issues such as heart attacks or strokes.  As I said, often we do not even see it coming. A few things to be conscious of:

Take a serious look at your Workload. Be realistic about the hours you are putting in at work. Also take into account how many hours you are working without taking a break as this will contribute to burnout.  Remember when it is break time, you must take it, take time away from your job to relax your mind and body, even if it is only a short ten minute break. Breaks are necessary to refresh and rejuvenate your mind. Go for a walk, read a book, or just remove yourself from your source of tension for a few minutes.

Next, be critical of your time management techniques.  I know from my own experience, I would tend to be working on one task and then move to an email when it came in, then back to the task etc. You must learn to work efficiently, complete tasks before moving on, avoid interruption in order to do so and you will find you achive more in less time.

Be in tune with your body and know when you are reaching overload or exhaustion. Look for the warning signs and think through what you can do to avoid things getting worse.  It may be that you need to take a day off, or a weekend away or simply spend time at home relaxing both your mind and body, away from the telephone and the computer.  Work out what it is you need to do in order to take time out to recharge! If you find that you take a short vacation or a day off only to find the old feelings welling up again, then perhaps its time for a re-evaluation of where you are in life, and perhaps a life change is necessary to avoid burnout altogether.

I think the single most important thing you must do if you are to avoid burnout is to learn the art of saying NO. It is great to be accomodating and helpful however not if it is at the expense of your own health.  Quite simply nothing is that important if it comprimises your health to that degree.

For quite sometime I worked overseas with a lot of international travel thrown in. I was expectected to put in the long hours, jump on a plane and head off overseas for a week, then back again and into the 60 hour working week.  Unfortunately I didnt see the warning signs until it was too late.  It took a complete re-evaluation of my life and where I was at and to make some serious life changes before my health suffered more than it already had.  Once you reach burnout believe me, its difficult to work your way back from it.

Michael Licenblat, an Australian who devoted a large part of his life to people as a Shiatsu Massage Therapist with a Bachelor of Science (Psychology), has put together an excellent ebook on recognizing and relieving stresses and pressures whilst increasing your productivity.  Well worth the read and I only wish I had read it sooner!  Get your copy here. Click Here!

By MaryAnn Roche.

Living with Anxiety

It’s that pounding in your chest, feeling like you cannot breathe and cannot catch your breath…you think you are suffering a heart attack!  YOU ARENT! All these are typical symptoms of an Anxiety attack. Millions of people throughout the world suffer from Anxiety.  Sometimes it is people you least suspect! It is believed that Anxiety is an inherited disorder. Think about your family for a moment, your parents may or may not show outward signs of it. Interestingly enough Anxiety is twice as common in females as it is in men. Sufferers of this disorder generally believe they are going crazy.

What Is Anxiety?

Imagine for a moment you were standing in front of a fast moving train unable to move, but all the while knowing and understanding the impact on not being able to do so.   Now imagine feeling like this several times a day and you begin to understand how it feels to suffer from an Anxiety Disorder. Anxiety is unseen, you do not know when you are going to suffer it and there simply is no warning. People who suffer anxiety experience paralyzing fear for no obvious reason and worse still, cannot see a way out of the fear.

What Causes Anxiety?

Everything and NOTHING and a patient rarely reports an event that triggered the attack. However having said that, when a sufferer revisits a situation or setting where an earlier attack happened, this could trigger another attack, as they are reminded of how frightening the first attack was. It’s a vicious cycle of fear with the overriding fear of an Anxiety attack/disorder sufferer is to suffer ANOTHER ATTACK!  Anxiety stems from your brain, and is a spontaneous trigger that sets off one’s “fight or flight” defense mechanism resulting in a full blown Anxiety attack. More often than not, Anxiety is brought about by stress from daily life. Mounting bills, work pressures, family issues, and other events can trigger this disorder and bring it to the surface.

Various Types Of Anxiety

Anxiety/Panic Disorder

This form of the disorder brings on sudden attacks that paralyze you with fear for no obvious reason. There are undoubtedly fundamental factors that cause these attacks; however, the sufferer often does not know what those are. Common symptoms are dizziness, light headedness, rapid breathing, pounding heart, tingling sensations in the hands and feet, fear of impending dread. Extremely treatable, the sufferer should seek assistance from a trained health care professional.

Social Anxiety Disorder

Commonly strikes when a sufferer is within a social setting and is very distressing. Activities such as attending University, going out for dinner and going to work are all difficult for the sufferer who often feels they are not welcome. They believe they are always judged by others and can experience trembling, feeling sick, inability to talk, sweating or blushing. Someone suffering Social Anxiety can become more and more upset prior to days leading up to a social event they have committed themselves to, and will be in an anxious frenzy by the time the event occurs. Often they will simply pull out of the social event just before it occurs.

How to overcome Anxiety

Understand and recognize you are having an Anxiety attack and that it will probably only last a few minutes. Focus on slow even breathing and try to redirect your THINKING to something else.

Final thoughts on Anxiety, understand however frightening it feels at the time, you can overcome your Anxiety disorder. To obtain expert advice on this condition simply Click Here!

By MaryAnn Roche.

Top 5 Work Stress Relief Strategies

One of the biggest sources of anxiety and fear is work stress and it usually falls into four categories:

* Work overload

* Difficult co-workers

* Demanding bosses

* Fear and uncertainty about these tough economic times

Don’t despair, there really are things you can do to relieve work stress. Most of them are easy enough you can start today and begin seeing results immediately.

More Reading On Stress and How to Relieve it – Click Here!

Stress at Work – Overloaded And Overwhelmed

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your workload, or just occupational stress in general, the first step should be to examine your schedule. Maybe you can change your routine or rearrange your schedule so you have more time in the day to get the job done.

Perhaps there are some tasks you can eliminate or spend less time on. You can also try to delegate the work to others in your office or even outsource some work to freelancers online.

If you’re still feeling swamped, you’ll want to speak to your boss. Communication is the key to working things out and finding a way to lighten your load.

Co-Workers Who Don’t See Eye to Eye Equals Stress

There are always going to be difficult co-workers at every job. It’s something you’ll face no matter where you work. Even if there’s someone who is just a pain to deal with for one reason or another, you don’t have to let it stress you out.

Do You Suffer from Panic Attacks? This Will Help for Sure- Click Here!
If you have a co-worker that’s continually trying to ruffle your feathers, confront the issue. You may want to do this with your boss present as to avoid any chance the difficult co-worker can turn on you or say things that didn’t really happen. If the problem still continues, however, and you simply can’t ignore it any longer, see if you can get moved to a different department or area.

If not, then I suggest killing the difficult co-worker with kindness. When you turn the other cheek, so to speak, the offender will usually back off eventually and leave you alone or better yet, befriend you. Either way you get the desired results.

A Boss Who Rules With An Iron Fist Equals more Stress

Okay, what do you do when your boss is demanding? Remember, your boss is your boss and it’s usually not wise to come across in a confrontational manner. However, you can try talking to them in a peaceful, non-confrontational tone.

If You are So Stressed you’re Getting Depressed – Click Here for Help!
To do this, schedule a meeting ahead of time and write out your thoughts. This will help you state your case and stay on topic. Stick to the issues and the issues only. Never place blame or come across as if you know better than your boss. This kind of talk could only lead to a worse situation, if not get you fired.

However, if speaking your mind doesn’t seem to make your boss any less demanding, then you’ll have to let it roll off your back. Easier said than done, I know. But, it can be done with determination and effort.

So, what can you do to help relieve some of the stress and fear?

Questioning Your Future

Right now, probably the biggest cause of stress in the workplace is fear of uncertainty in these tough economic times. Even if you’ve done everything to ensure your position at your company, like increasing your value as an employee, there are still no guarantees in this economy.

One thing you can do is start preparing for the future. Perhaps you could start taking classes at your local community college to learn a new skill or trade.

You could also start building an online business. Even though the economy is struggling, online businesses are booming. If you make crafts or jewelry, or you’re artsy, you can start selling items on eBay or open an Etsy shop. There are many ways you can begin securing your future now. All it takes is a little research and planning.

Let it Go! Release Your Stress and Frustration

The best way to relieve work related stress is to work out regularly. Getting regular exercise helps relieve stress of any sort, but especially work related stress. If you don’t belong to a gym, begin working out at home. Going for brisk walks regularly also greatly reduces stress.

Top 5 Work Stress Relieving Strategies

1. Examine your schedule, delegate, outsource, or talk to your boss when you’re overloaded.

2. Talk to a difficult co-worker or kill them with kindness.

3. Communicate with your boss when he’s too demanding.

4. Prepare for the future when you fear losing your job.

5. Work out regularly at home or at the gym.

Stress has become a part of your everyday life, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By incorporating these work stress relief strategies, you can overcome the major causes of stress in your workplace in no time!