Achievable Personal Development and Self Help Education

Making the Big ‘Move’?

rmarur — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 04:48:19 +0000

Recession and the economy have affected a lot of people in so many different ways. From companies having to let go of their employees to stores and businesses shutting down, there are so many people getting affected by the recession. All these are falling into the income versus spending cycle; where companies are laying off people and due to that people are unable to spend and this lack of spending is causing businesses to shut down. With things being so bleak and people getting frustrated with joblessness, one of the option that has presented itself is relocation. While looking out for employment people are presented with the choice of taking up a job outside of the place they have settled in or gotten used to. It is not easy to relocate and start over in a new place. To help a person adjust better here are some tips on adapting to the change:

1) Release yourself from your comfort zone: When we have stayed in a place for a while, we tend to get so used to the place that it becomes our comfort zone. And change becomes difficult to deal with. So when taking up a new opportunity outside of the comfort zone a person has to be open to that change. A person has to release him/herself from that comfort zone to accept the change.

2) Do your research: A new place offers a lot of new things to learn. Research and try to understand the culture of the place and the people. When a person is equipped with information and knowledge about the new surroundings he/she can be prepared and adjust better.

3) Unblock your mind of any prejudices: From our understanding of things around us we sometimes develop preconceived notions and prejudices and judge things based on these. While having the ability to judge is a good thing, letting that judgment be clouded by biases is something people have to overcome. When a person can overcome these prejudices he/she will be more open to the new environment.

4) Be positive: It is understandable that relocation is not a pleasant thing. But, looking at things on the bright side will help a person adapt to their new surroundings better. Looking at the possible positives, from the place having better prospects for growth or for learning new things or for better job satisfaction, etc. would help create a positive outlook and approach towards the new place.

Go out and make that big move and pave the way for a better brighter future.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Look Around You…

Maryann — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 19:48:28 +0000

One of the lessons I have learnt in life is ‘When you are feeling down or confused, just look around you for inspiration. You won’t have to look too far. You don’t have to hold a celebrity or someone famous as your idol for inspiration. There are people around you who can give you plenty of inspiration and teach you life’s lessons.’ As an example, let me tell you about two people:

My Mother – I was talking to my mother a few days back and complaining to her about how difficult my sister and I are finding to raise our children and keep everyone around us happy. My mother simply said “Haven’t your aunts and me gone through all those things. We managed fine”. So I said to her, “But, that other aunt got away without having to struggle at all and she is not even a good person. See, God and life are good only to bad people like her. Look at you! You have slogged all your life for our family, sacrificed so much for us, do you have any happiness?” To which she responded, “God always takes care of me.” I was taken aback by her undaunting faith. Throughout my childhood and even now, in my adulthood, I have not seen my mother’s faith fade. She has consistently maintained her goodness and faith, in every situation. I hope I could be like her someday.

My Aunt – Another person from whom I have received immense inspiration is my aunt. She has gone through a lot in her life, and has been so resilient and persevering. She never gets flustered by any problems or humongous tasks. To me a ‘humongous task’ would be coming home to a sink full of dishes and her reaction to it would be, “You have to do it anyway, why not do it with a smile?” To her, no work is too difficult to do and no problem is impossible to solve. She has been my model of strength and perseverance.

These are just two people I have talked about, around me. There are a lot more people I look up to, from my son to my family to my friends around me. If you look around and notice the strengths in others around you, you will realize that there is a lot you can learn from them. Never undermine anyone’s ability or strength; even the smallest person may have the biggest strength in them.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Find Meaning in Pain

Maryann — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 04:00:57 +0000

My friend wanted to get out of an unhappy and abusive marriage. Unfortunately for her, she was in a foreign country, away from her family, and didn’t have proper information about the laws of the place. She turned to a woman’s organization, run by other women from her country, for help and she was turned down on the excuse that they can help only if her life were in danger. But, the only help they did provide her was the contact details of some attorneys, who fought similar cases. So, she spoke to a few of the attorneys and hired the least expensive one, because her ex-husband had emptied out her bank account. The only thing that was in her favor was the fact that she had a job and had some source of income to survive and rely on. After grappling through a few months of divorce and custody battle with her ex-husband, she gained her freedom. That was the turning point of her life. She found meaning and purpose in her pain – She decided to empower other women in her situation, with information and lessons learnt from her experience.

She collected information about stuff from marriage counseling to divorce laws, so she could advice and help others with the information. With all the information gained, she has been helping other women in similar situation, by referring them to relevant people and giving them advice on how to proceed. While understanding that each situation is different, she has tried to balance her emotions and give only objective suggestions.

Struggling through divorce battles or suffering the loss of/separation from loved one are painful situations. Pain is far from being pleasant, but thriving through and finding meaning in pain gives us the inner strength, to go on, be a better person and release encumbrances. When you find meaning in your pain you can turn it into gain.

Use your lessons from the pain and try to help others. Ask yourself this, “What can I gain from this pain that will be lessons learnt for others?” Get involved in helping others. Find meaningful ways to say goodbye to the pain.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

What is Your Relationship with Yoga?

Maryann — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 03:11:37 +0000

Yoga is an ancient Indian principle defining the method to live a healthy and content way of life. Yoga is not just about postures and exercise; it encompasses the lifestyle and state of mind of the people following it. You will find a myriad definitions for Yoga, so, I will not attempt to define Yoga here. What I want to talk about is how Yoga can influence and bring balance into your life.

As a brief overview, there are six distinct schools/branches of Yoga: Hatha Yoga, Raja Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Jnana Yoga, Karma Yoga and Tantra Yoga. The emphasis of each branch may vary, but each branch contains a set of structured asanas (postures), which are aimed at keeping your mind and body in balance. You can select any of these depending on your needs and the desired end result. For people who go deeper into Yogic practice, it means finding their path to inner peace. That is the ultimate purpose of Yoga.

I was introduced to Yoga by a friend of mine. The real reason I agreed to go with her, was because we both figured we’d give each other company and motivate each other to not miss the classes. Since I had never practiced or attended any Yoga classes, the first few classes were a little tough for me. With time and regular practice I got better and have been enjoying the benefits of Yoga.

Talking of the benefits-The combination of Yogic asanas and meditation has helped with my routine stress pains, from headaches to neck pains. I feel the increase in my flexibility, stamina and body strength. With practice I have been able to regulate my breathing and make full use of the oxygen, which has helped me clear my mind. Needless to say I have been able to handle stress and tension better. Making Yoga a routine part of my life has enabled me to maintain a fit body, controlled mind and lead a harmonious life.

I have made Yoga my way of life, are you ready to take that step? Don’t miss the opportunity to bask in the benefits offered by Yoga.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

How to Make a Good Impression

Maryann — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:36:14 +0000

Being in a new place or with new people can be intimidating. When placed in such a situation it becomes imperative to form new relations, because humans are social beings. W e have the capability to judge, form opinions, build relations and express emotions. Relations are the fabric of our social skills; and the crucial component helping us form relations is the impressions and opinions we form of the people we interact with. So it becomes essential for us to positively contribute to portraying a good and lasting impression to build good relations. Depending on your need and type of relationship you are trying to form, here are a few tips you can follow:

Look and Feel Confident – Being confident will convey to the people around you a positive attitude and behavior. Also, when you are confident about yourself you can interact better with people.

Don’t overdo or over talk – Be friendly and approachable, but don’t overdo your enthusiasm. When you are in a new place or meeting new people, and would like to make new friends your friendliness is what will propel your efforts in the right direction. At the same time being over friendly or over involving will steer people away. While having a conversation pick safe subjects and try not to make any controversial remarks. (You can save all those for your close friends, who don’t mind and won’t judge what you say)

Address the person with their Name – I know people tend to forget names, especially if they have met briefly. When you are introduced to someone, attach a cue with the name to help you remember. The next time you see the person, you can address the person with their name. This shows attentiveness and personalizing.

Dress well – Dressing well doesn’t imply wearing any elaborate or expensive stuff. Make a conscious effort to dress for the occasion. Being well dressed will not only make you look and feel good, but will also tell others that you have put in the thought and effort for the way you look. As the adage goes, ‘First impressions are last impressions’. This may seem shallow and there are some who deny this, but in the real world how you present yourself tells a lot about you.

Be Positive – Last but not the least, radiating positive energy is the key to attracting positive relations. So, smile your way through new beginnings.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Are you Prepared for Your Daily Crises?

Maryann — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 03:18:47 +0000

I was getting late for work, and as I was rushing to leave I spilled coffee from my flask onto the carpet. I had to clean it up to save the carpet from ruin. As I rummaged in my closet for the carpet cleaner I created a big mess on the floor, which I decided to clean up after I would get home. I managed to clean up my carpet, leaving the other mess behind, and got to work. By now you would have got an idea of how my day was spiraling down the crisis drain. Yes, I got a little late to the office and will leave out the details of the stressful transit and rest of the day, including sorting out the mess I had left waiting for me at home. This was just another typical day happening in my life.
This brings me to my point, about being prepared for the daily crises we encounter in our lives. How can you avoid such stress and self caused trouble?
The first thing that comes to my mind is waking up early. Waking up early will give you time to perform all routine activities without rushing. That would mean, if something goes wrong, since you are not rushing around you can think of a better way to handle it, without causing yourself more trouble. So, no matter what time you sleep make it a rule to wake up at the same time everyday. Practice it for a few days and then your body will get used to it. That doesn’t exclude the option to sleep early and give your body the required sleep.
Organize your thoughts, tasks and plan your day. When you have a plan in place and your activities organized, you will not have to worry about the how and when. You can’t stop things from going wrong, but when they do you know you can focus on resolving them, as you are not preoccupied with your daily chores. If possible get your things ready for the next day on the previous night. Being prepared in advance will relieve you of the stress of getting things done in a hurry in the morning.
When things are going wrong it is easy to panic or get stressed out. But, remember that you can’t make things right by getting worried. Try to fit in some form of exercise or yoga with meditation. Yoga/exercise not only keeps your body fit but contribute in de-stressing, relaxing and recharging your mind.
Maintain a positive outlook and start your day with a big, bright smile.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

How to Take a Vacation

Maryann — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 16:30:46 +0000

I was going through a period of extreme stress and duress until a vacation with friends came along. My friends and I had been planning the vacation for some time and it took us a long time to put all the logistics in place. When it finally happened we all had a wonderful and memorable time. I came back feeling like “My life hit the refresh button”. It was that much needed vacation and the timing couldn’t have been better. The merits of taking a break dawned on me then. I am completely conscious of and acknowledge the fact that a break doesn’t make the stress go away from our lives; it only refreshes us and renews our energy to face life’s challenges.
Here are a few ways to take that break; I know some sound like common sense things, but sometimes we are so engulfed in our problems that we can’t think of these simple things, a little nudge in that direction might be needed:
1)   Plan the trip well. A well planned out trip reduces the hassles of figuring out where to stay, what to do and how to get to the place. For eg. If the place is famous for shows, then make reservations for the show you want to watch in advance. That way you will not be scrambling for tickets to the show and wondering if you will even be able to go for the show. No one wants to go through anxiety during a vacation.
2)   Do your research of the place you are visiting so that you know what to expect and what you can and can’t miss. This is inter-related to planning the trip. Knowing what the place has to offer will empower you in planning better and choosing options that are favorable for you.
3)   If you are on a budget, look for sites/books offering coupons. You never know what you might find. You can spend sensibly and still have a luxurious vacation if you plan and research properly.
4)   Leave all your worries behind. Don’t carry the burden of all your troubles and hinder yourself from having a good time.
5)   If possible plan your trip with close friends. A vacation with friends makes it more memorable. Sometimes it’s the company that makes a place more enjoyable.
There may be a lot of hurdles in the way to take a vacation, but if we can cross all these the vacation will be well worth it. We all deserve some time to enjoy the beautiful places the world has to offer. Go ahead and make your life hit the refresh button.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

How to Gain Self Control…

Maryann — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 17:25:52 +0000

Self control is a person’s ability to control emotions, desires and actions. It is the ability to separate the feelings from the self. When you let your feelings become you, your actions and decision making capabilities become hindered. You may end up reacting based on your feelings and not acting according to the situation. It takes a lot of practice and effort to gain control over your feelings. But all that effort and practice will pay off in the long run and pave the way for your success in leading a balanced life.
Needs and desires are completely different things. There are times when desires become so strong that they transform into needs. Self control will keep those desires under control. Think of your favorite food, or even better bring it home and don’t eat it yet. As a first step to self control set your mind that you will not eat that food for ‘x’ number of days. I know, this sounds kind of ridiculous, but trust me it works. Abstaining from something that you really crave for will develop resistance to impulses and desires in you. When you can resist temptation you have gained control over your desires.
All our actions are defined by our emotions. Emotions are the most difficult to control, but if you can gain that control over your emotions you have mastered self control. Emotions could be anything ranging from anger, happiness, sorrow, frustration, etc. Out of all these the biggest step towards greater self control is controlling anger and frustration. Anger overpowers your mind and senses; you may do or say something that you will regret later. Anger is self-destructive and you don’t want to walk that path. When any person or situation makes you angry, try this: Count till 3 before you react or divert your attention to anything that will give the required pause before reacting. This pause will mellow down your anger and as you keep practicing you will eventually gain complete control over your temper.
Meditation is one of the best methods to gain self control and balance your body and mind. Meditation helps unclutter your mind of unwanted thoughts and emotions and also helps you focus and de-stress. Having a calm and clear mind enables you to control your feelings and in turn your actions.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

“I Forgive You”

Maryann — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 18:06:33 +0000

I was recently reading an article about forgiving people. In the article the author actually wrote that sometimes it’s a good thing not to forgive someone. That got me thinking if I felt the same way and I went down memory lane to figure out how I handled all the people that hurt me and how I felt about each one of them. The trip was a rude awakening for me; it revealed to me that while I have forgiven some, I have been ignorantly living with bottled up anger and hurt towards a childhood friend of mine. I didn’t know when that anger had turned into hatred. ‘Hatred’ sounds like a very strong word, but when we bottle up negativity towards someone it eventually transforms into hatred.
While analyzing my interactions with my friend I realized that my blood pressure would shoot through the roof every time I talked to her. Without realizing it I would say something hurtful to her, yet she was still friends with me. How could I have become so horrible? I couldn’t move away from all the negative emotions, because I was letting that hurt and pain grow so much that it was taking over me. My relationship with her was getting stressful to handle. All the hurt was blocking me from enjoying my friendship with her. I couldn’t go on like this and wasn’t going to live my life with so much negativity. I had to take charge and resolve the tension inside me.
So, I evaluated the relationship: I had to vent out what it was that was really bothering me. I find it very easy to analyze a situation, dilemma or problem when I write my thoughts down. I wrote about what happened that transformed our friendship. Then, I wrote down how I felt about her and what I liked and didn’t like about her. Finally I wrote that I Forgive her and I am Sorry for my behavior, and sent her the same message. That was so liberating. I could feel the lightness of getting the burden off my chest. I had released the bottled up emotions and freed myself of the negativity.
We cannot undo the things that have happened in our lives, we hurt and get hurt. Forgiving someone and forgetting hurtful events in our lives is a very-very difficult task, especially if we still have to deal with the person. We live with so much pent up hurt and pain that we tend to block the joys of relationships. But forgiving and moving on frees us from the stress and burden of bottled up negativity. Just say the words “I Forgive You” to someone that hurt you and liberate yourself.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

The Joys of Parenthood

Maryann — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 02:54:01 +0000

People change and with that so do relationships change over the years. The only relationship that remains constant and where there are no equations is that of a parent-child. It is pure and blissful and the bond only grows with the years. Yes, I do agree that it is a great responsibility too, where there are good days and bad days. I think this ancient African adage “It takes a village to raise a child” sums up parenthood very well. We build a network of family and friends and neighbors as a part of our community. This community supports our efforts in raising our family.
As parents we do make a lot of adjustments and compromises and work towards providing for and taking care of our children. But, the fruitful joys of parenthood make the pains worth going through. After a long, stressful day at work the only thing that I look forward to and that brings a smile to my face is seeing my son. Without sounding too dramatic, I would say that all the day’s problems and worries become trivial when I see my son; it’s like all my issues just melt away. I always feel that children are a blessing and a joy to have. Having a child has given me a purpose and direction in life. I am motivated to live my life and fulfill my duties as a parent.
Just like in any relationship, there are disagreements and differences between a parent and child, but at the end of the day both know that they love each other. No matter how upset I am with my son, I always make it a point to tell him, “I maybe angry with you and yell at you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I love you a lot.” Reassurance makes a child feel secure, loved and wanted.
All the innocence, hugs and kisses is what we will remember, even after our children grow up. The moments we spend with our children are the most memorable and will not come back, because even before you know it they’re all grown up.
You must be wondering what the purpose of this post is. I wanted to write something positive and encouraging for parents, who make so many sacrifices to bring up their children. We sometimes may not be considered the best qualified people for parenthood, but we do our best to provide and support our children and that makes each one of us the best parents.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Rules of Building Love Relationships

Maryann — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 03:31:41 +0000

Setting out to find a suitable partner is a project. Realization of the need for a partner will lead to the search for one. When you come across someone that seems to be a prospective partner, you will go through the relationship building phase. This is a good chance to vet out the person for being the right one. Here are a few things you could use as guidelines for the budding relationship:
1)   Being truthful and consistent: Sometimes people tend to make some untruthful statements, either out of the compulsion to impress or with the assumption that the lie will cause no harm to anyone or simply because they can’t remember the correct details. Unfortunately everything you say counts in the making of a successful relationship. Because when the truth comes out, it is not only embarrassing but starts affecting your credibility. It could be about your age, your preferences or anything. Don’t tell lies, especially ones that can eventually be verified. If you can’t remember something don’t just say something to please the other person and later give another version of the same event. Again, it affects your credibility.
2)   Communicate Clearly: You should always be clear in the way you communicate with the other person. Whether it is about how you feel about something or about your likes and dislikes. If you have issues don’t hold them back, discuss them with the other person.
3)   Know what you want: Maybe making a List of what you are looking for in a partner, including marking the items that you can live with and can’t. If you haven’t made one and are already in a relationship, maybe you could make one now. Your current relationship could provide the benchmark for you.
4)   Don’t over-involve: There is a very thin line between over-involving and being involved. When you get over-involved the other person might misinterpret you as over-bearing or interfering. Learn when to draw the line.
5)   Don’t be self-centered and selfish: Make it about the other person.
6)   Expect to be Disappointed: You don’t always get everything you want or the way you want it, so make room for disappointments. Don’t let that creep into the relationship to the point that you nag and drive the other person away. Don’t have unreachable and unreasonable expectations.
7)   Last but not the least, enjoy every moment of the relationship, give it your best shot and if it doesn’t work use the lessons learnt from it to help you in your next venture.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

How to Stay Focused

Maryann — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:22:09 +0000

Recently I heard one of my friends saying “There are so many things on my mind that I am unable to focus on my work. The moment I get to work and sit in front of my computer all my issues come flooding to me. I start thinking of how to solve each one and lose focus on what I am doing at work. I think I really need to do something about it.” The conversation made me realize that this has become a pretty common phenomenon. There are so many distractions around that it has become very easy to succumb to such distractions and lose focus on your work and goals. In the process you are not only risking your job but also letting yourself drift from what you are supposed to do, and steer away from where you are supposed to be, mentally.
Like my friend, if you are looking for ways to improve your focus, here are a few tips that might help:
1)   Create milestones – Break your big goal to focus into smaller and quantitative goals, like staying focused and completing one activity within a set span of time. This is because when your goals are finite and measurable your success also becomes measurable.
2)   Positive reinforcement – For every successful focused activity you can reward yourself. Positive reinforcement and rewarding is a proven technique to motivate people to perform better. You are no exclusion to that principle.
3)   Organize Yourself – Mentally shut all those issues out by physically organizing your activities. Make a list of all the things to do, separate them from the routine/recurring things vs. one time/occasional things. For eg. Paying your electricity bill is a routine thing, while signing your child up for an extra-curricular activity is an occasional thing. Against each item write down the time or deadline for doing it and when you will do it. When you know what activities you are working on and when you are working on them you will not have to worry about them. This may sound like time management, but the real purpose of this is to organize and clear your mind of distractions.
4)   Meditation – Meditation has innumerable benefits. You must have heard a lot of people advice you to practice meditation and they are absolutely right. Meditation helps calm your mind and keep it focused.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

What is the importance of Faith?

Maryann — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 01:03:18 +0000

     We are so busy with our fast paced lives that faith is becoming a feeling that is slowly fading away from us. ‘Faith’ is undeterred belief in something. Though it has religious or spiritual connotations, I am referring to it in the context of pure belief. I would like to share how someone I know renewed her faith.
     This is the journey of a young woman, let’s call her Sara. Without going into the minutiae of her life, I will tell you about the journey of loss and later restoration of her faith. Sara was a single mother struggling to make ends meet and provide the best she could for her son. Somewhere in all the years of juggling and fighting her way out of all her problems she had lost faith in God, people and goodness. She was bitter and jaded from all that she went through.
     Then she met someone that she thought was ‘The One for Her’. He was wonderful to her and her son. After a long time she was beginning to rediscover her emotional side. She thought her life was finally turning around for good. But, her happiness was not meant to last. He turned out to be something else, something that she had gotten away from years ago. She had invested her emotions and her son’s with this man and he abused the love they showered on him. The experience hit her hard. She felt like she had been thrown into the trenches of sorrow and betrayal. And in the process of overcoming the sorrow and pain, he had caused, she found faith.
     Like an epiphany, enlightenment, or whatever you can call it, she realized that she had lost her faith and let herself sway. With that realization, she shrugged the bad memory off and decided that she would encounter life with renewed faith in goodness and God. She transformed her suffering into a celebration of renewed faith. In all this misfortune she saw the mini trinkets of fortune that were bestowed on her. She realized that in spite of what she had to go through, she avoided herself and her son greater pain in the future. She now faces everyday and every challenge with a smile and positive attitude, because she has faith. She is treading a new empowered path: the path of Faith – faith that good things can happen, faith in God, faith in people and faith that “Bad things happen for a Good reason”.
     The lesson I learnt from her story is that: Life is full of ups and downs, we cannot change bad things from happening to us, but we have to hold onto our faith to be able to sail through the bad times, unscathed.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Effective Safe And Easy Stress Relief Strategies

Maryann — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:26:54 +0000

In the hustle bustle of our daily lives we seem to be constantly surrounded by Stress. It is like Stress has become a permanent feature of our lives. As we learn to accept it, we also have to learn to deal with it and not let stress take over our lives. In a lot of instances we may not realize how when we let our stresses take over we make ourselves vulnerable to a lot of physical and emotional ailments. These could be anything from chronic pains to lack of proper sleep, to emotional problems, like anxiety. Whatever the cause and effect of stress we need to realize that there are ways of reducing and handling stress. There are a variety of programs offering stress relief techniques and strategies. Here are a few that would help with Stress:
1) Breathing Exercises – Needless to say, Oxygen is the most essential necessity for our lives. When we are under stress we forget to breathe right, and restrict the benefits of oxygen flow in our body. Breathing Exercises enable the flow of oxygen through our entire body.
2) Regular Exercise/Yoga –Exercise and Yoga not only keeps your body in shape but also relax our mind and regulate blood circulation in our body. Being in constant stress blocks the circulation of blood to our brain, which in turn blocks our problem solving abilities. Good circulation of blood to the whole body and especially to the brain will put our mind at ease and in turn enhance our problem solving/handling ability.
3) Meditation – Stress puts a big strain on our mind. When the mind is not in control we cannot control our emotions either. Meditation is a very effective technique which aims at controlling the mind and relieving it of stress. A well controlled and balanced mind results in well controlled emotions.
4) Massage – Massage relaxes and releases the stiffness and aches in our body.
5) Food – There are certain foods that help with stress relief. There are a variety of Teas, especially Green Tea, which contain anti-oxidants and anti-toxins that help reduce stress.
6) Escape – Escape doesn’t necessarily imply escaping from the situation or problems. We don’t have to solve all our problems, and not all at the same time. Taking some time off from our routine and problems will give us thinking space, to organize our thoughts and actions. Something as simple as watching a favorite movie that makes us feel good, can give the much needed escape for the mind.
While dealing with our routine problems and stress we have to remember one very important thing; we cannot control what happens around us, but we can control how we react to the happenings around us. Keeping our mind and body in harmony and control empowers us to handle stress better enjoy all of life’s little joys.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

What are Panic Attacks and How to Avoid Them

Maryann — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:14:37 +0000

Do you experience sudden palpitations, dizziness, excessive sweating or the urge to run away or the feeling that the walls of the room are caving in, when placed with an unpleasant situation/person? What you are experiencing can be categorized as a Panic Attack. A panic attack happens mostly due to anxiety or phobia – A panic attack can happen to anyone; it could be due to a fear of flying, socializing, public speaking, or any kind of confrontation, etc.

A wonderful ex-colleague, who is now one of my best friends used to suffer from panic attacks. I remember how she would dread coming in to work, so she will not have to deal with our obnoxious boss. Even an email from the boss would push her into panic mode; she would be jittery and shaky due to her panic attack. It would take a lot of cajoling and comforting for her to regain her tranquility. And sometimes she would resort to tranquilizers to calm her down. It is from her that I learnt all about panic attacks and realized that there are many who have such symptoms. You could be one of the many experiencing panic attacks.

There is nothing good about such attacks, but you can make good of the situation with some practice and control from your side. To start with you need to make a mental note of when and how you panic. Knowing and understanding your trigger points will equip you with what you need to work on.

Relaxation exercises are a good way to help manage your panic attacks. Relaxation exercises will ease the tension in your muscles and declutter your mind, so you can have better control over your thoughts
and emotions. When you have control over your mind, you can control your anxiety and fears effectively and have a better grip over yourself. Having the ability to handle your trigger points and controlling your mind will in turn curb your panic attacks.

Positive thinking and approach to any situation will lead to positive results. I used to ask my friend, who used to have panic attacks because of our boss, “What is the worst he can do to you? Fire you? But, he can’t take away the good things you have, your life and your family!” That is one thing you need to understand, being in a panic filled situation is not the end of the world or your life. There’s more to life than a situation, which will pass. You cannot let your fears keep you away from enjoying life and confronting challenges. Panic will not solve your issues; it will only make it worse. So take a positive approach and set yourself free of panic.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

What is Reiki and what will it do for me?

Maryann — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:55:02 +0000

Reiki is an ancient method of healing using energy flow. The word Reiki is derived from the Japanese words “Rei”, which means spiritually guided, and “Ki”, which means energy. This ancient technique, which was used over 3000 years ago, was rediscovered by Dr. Mikao Usui in the year 1922.

Reiki is based on the belief that all human beings are surrounded by the energy field that harnesses the universal life force. The technique is a holistic healing approach with the purpose of bringing the body, mind and soul harmoniously together. The harmony of the mind and spirit enhances the body’s ability to heal.

Reiki is performed by qualified Reiki practitioners who make use of different positions, besides the 12 standard positions designed, depending on the person’s condition. These 12 positions are grouped based on the 3 body parts of the front torso, the back torso and the head. Each position is designed to trigger the flow of energy through the whole body and enable free flow of energy that has been blocked in some parts of a person’s body. A Reiki practitioner first undergoes the process of receiving the energy and then becomes a medium for transferring the energy to the person receiving it. After a session a person may have varying feelings from a warm tingling sensation to a state of relaxation.

Though the effects may vary, there are some benefits you can enjoy with Reiki:

A relaxed body and mind – When your mind and body are relaxed, you can have more clarity of thought and be energized.
Helps in pain and other chronic conditions management – Since Reiki has a relaxing effect, it helps in your body’s pain tolerance and the relaxation helps keep your thoughts away from any chronic conditions you suffer from.
Promotes emotional well being and helps with any emotional issues.
Improves the immune system – The free flow of energy not only energizes you but also integrates with your immune system in strengthening it.
Acts as an independent system or as complementary system for your therapeutic needs.

Reiki is an effective healing technique offering a whole ensemble of benefits. You just have to remember that a healthy body and mind emits positive energy leading to a happy radiant self. Reiki can help you attain this radiant self.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Coping with Grief…

Maryann — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:04:09 +0000

Grief is a very unpleasant thing for anyone to have to go through. The causes for grief maybe many: The loss of a loved one, separation from someone, illness of a loved one, etc. My very close cousin recently went through the sudden loss of her father. When I went to visit her there was something she said that stuck with me, “I know no one can replace my father for me. But, there have been so many people coming over to console me and give me support that it makes it easier to deal with and recover from the loss. It is good to know that I have so many people that care and want to help me with my loss.”
How the grief is handled will help you deal with the sadness better and move on with your life. It is easier said than done. For a person going through the sadness and unhappy feeling, there may seem to be nothing that would help them recuperate. People around can only sympathize or empathize with you, but it is up to you to get through it. There are ways to cope with grief and while one works for someone it may not work for another, because everyone handles the given situation differently.
It feels like a lonely path you are treading and you might be thinking that others cannot understand your pain. While that may be true, you should not rule out the idea of allowing moral support or help from people who care about you. If you are comfortable join a support group, where you might meet people in similar situation as yours. When you know that someone is going through a similar pain you may be able to relate better to that person.
While it is important to grieve a loss completely, you have to be mindful that there is life after that. Try to find a distraction for yourself that will keep you occupied and give you time away from the feeling of loss. As a distraction you could do something in memory of the person you are grieving. Make it a celebration of the person’s life. You could pick up some task the person was passionate about and couldn’t complete, in their lifetime.
Life seems to be at a standstill and you seem to be plunged into an abyss of sorrow. But, you have to tell yourself that you will climb out of it and move on with your life, while still holding onto good memories of the person.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Are you satisfied with your Public Speaking Ability?

Maryann — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 19:38:26 +0000

Public Speaking is an art, which requires oratory and rhetoric skills. Speaking in front of a crowd of strangers, or even known people, is not easy. It takes a lot of confidence and courage to be able to fearlessly speak to an audience attentively listening to you. From giving a speech to making a presentation, there are instances where people experience palpitations, cold feet or sweating due to the fear of being on the podium. For some the initial jitters go away as they ease their way onto the dais and for some the jitters are constant and bothersome. To reduce the jitters and nervousness here are a few tips that will help:

1) Be well prepared and rehearse your speech/presentation. This will set your mind’s direction of thinking and keep you focused on what you say, instead of you grappling for words on stage, which is embarrassing. Rehearse at least one night before the day of your speech/presentation. A well prepared mind leads to a well presented self.

2) Avoid using filler words like, ‘you know’, etc. If you have forgotten your lines move onto the next topic or slide in line. Don’t stand there pulling a blank on yourself, trying to remember the lines. You will make yourself more nervous.

3) Keep your voice leveled. You are the only one that is nervous, no one knows that and you have to keep it that way. You don’t want the audience to think that you are nervous. Don’t sound too meek or aggressive. Make sure your tone is consistent throughout.

4) Pause occasionally to give yourself and the audience a break, but don’t stretch it for too long though. If you take too long the audience might lose interest or you might just get back to your nervousness.

5) Words and actions are all that you got, to show up there. While you have the words taken care of, you have to visualize and practice your actions too. Your body language will speak volumes about your confidence level and preparedness. Don’t fidget or overly make gestures. Practice your postures and expressions relevant for your speech/presentation.

6) Know your audience. Make eye contact with the audience. Don’t let your gaze go astray or be fixed on a certain spot, try to make eye contact. This will make it personable for the audience and keep them riveted to what you have to say.

7) Make sure you get good rest the previous night. If possible do some relaxations exercises on both the day before and the day of the speech/presentation.

While going on the stage take a deep breath and stride in with confidence. Rise and let yourself shine up there in the spotlight.

Mary-Ann Roche

Regaining your Self Esteem

Maryann — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 20:15:00 +0000

When it comes to Self Esteem and regaining it I have a story to tell. The story of my sister, who went from being a bubbly and dynamic girl to a battered, abused and depressed woman; and then back to being the confident and attractive woman she made herself to be. It amazes me to see the way she pulled herself together and made her rebound.

Without delving too much into her unfortunate past I will talk about how she rediscovered herself and transformed into an idle for others around her. It wasn’t an easy transition for her, but all her efforts have surely paid off. When she was in the abusive relationship she blamed herself for the mistreatment. She thought that it was her shortcomings that lead to such a disastrous relationship. She was afraid to talk to people and to seek help. She had become introverted, depressed and disinterested in life; her confidence and self esteem were down the drain. She had let the man she loved so much walk all over her and in doing so lost her bright self. When she couldn’t take the abuse anymore she decided to leave him and move on. And that became the turning point for her.

Getting out of the relationship and doing things on her own were not easy for her, but what it taught her was to be strong and stand up for herself. She made her travails a learning curve towards progression and improvement.

When you are faced with a difficult situation the easiest way out of it seems to escape or run from it. But the real thing to do would be to face the situation and figure a way out of it. The first lesson to learn for regaining self esteem is to face reality. It is not an easy thing to accept that to yourself or to anybody else, but you have to do it. That’s what my sister did. She faced the reality that she had lost her confidence and self esteem. She talked about it not only to herself but to her friends. Facing the reality of her situation gave her an insight into what she is supposed to work on. She took advice and help from her good friends and tried to follow it.

My sister always enjoyed painting. She took up her interests with renewed energy. When you do something you enjoy it boosts the feel good emotion in you. It makes you feel better about yourself. Any appreciation from others for your activities will enhance your sense of self and surge your confidence further up. So finding something you enjoy doing will help in regaining your self esteem.

Like who you are – Self perception plays a very vital role in how you project yourself. When you are not comfortable with who you are, you tend to come off as a meek and submissive person with a low sense of self. When people see a person with a low or nil self confidence or self esteem, they tend to think that they can get away with mistreatment. If the people around you have abused and pushed you around, remember that it is not your fault. It is their lowliness and your goodness that they are being allowed to treat you bad. But, that doesn’t mean that you should let them treat you that way. Muster the strength to confront and fight back. You are better than that. So don’t ever let yourself down in your own eyes.

Mary-Ann Roche

What is Self Enlightenment

Maryann — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 02:06:49 +0000

“Every being is only your self multiplied”- Swami Vivekananda. This is one of many quotes of Swami Vivekananda, which summarizes self realization. Swami Vivekananda was one of India’s greatest philosophers, who travelled all over the world giving sermons about various topics, from life to spirituality. There are various such philosophers teaching us and showing the way to self enlightenment and helping us deal with the daily challenges of life.

We live in a fast paced, changing and stress-filled world. In combating the daily challenges of life, we tend to not realize our true selves and digress from our path to the divine. We need to de-stress and regain our energies lost and bring in harmony into our lives to be enlightened of our true self. Self Enlightenment is the path in the realization of our oneness with the divine.

To put our thoughts into spiritual direction we need to recognize the world as a divine world based on cosmos, and not a world based on chaos or chance. Our society which is composed of various degrees of intelligence and capacity and personality, does not grasp the full significance of the discovery of self enlightenment. We need to discover a new set of values for the terms liberty, law and love (moksa, dharma and kama), which are impossible to get in the purely political and materialistic society. The social life of man becomes transfigured and civilized by the sublimated direction given to all activities through this discovery. There are various forms of teachings and practices which are directed to the civilizing of man, by taming his lower nature which revels in egoism and competition, jealousy and greed, violence and hatred.

One of the paths defined is the four fold Yoga path of Raja Yoga, Karma Yoga, Jnana Yoga and Bhakti Yoga. Raja Yoga consists of teachings for the purification of Thoughts, Karma Yoga contains teachings for the purification of Actions, Jnana Yoga is the teachings leading to the path of knowledge and wisdom and Bhakti Yoga is the path to the ultimate realization of the self, through worship and meditation, leading to a higher state of consciousness or enlightenment.

The moral and intellectual education combined with spiritual thoughts will help us conquer our internal nature and control over the senses (indriyas). Learning these elements and following the path to the divine will lead to self enlightenment and help us be better individuals and create a positive influence on our society.

By
Mary-Ann Roche