Being in a new place or with new people can be intimidating. When placed in such a situation it becomes imperative to form new relations, because humans are social beings. W e have the capability to judge, form opinions, build relations and express emotions. Relations are the fabric of our social skills; and the crucial component helping us form relations is the impressions and opinions we form of the people we interact with. So it becomes essential for us to positively contribute to portraying a good and lasting impression to build good relations. Depending on your need and type of relationship you are trying to form, here are a few tips you can follow:

Look and Feel Confident – Being confident will convey to the people around you a positive attitude and behavior. Also, when you are confident about yourself you can interact better with people.

Don’t overdo or over talk – Be friendly and approachable, but don’t overdo your enthusiasm. When you are in a new place or meeting new people, and would like to make new friends your friendliness is what will propel your efforts in the right direction. At the same time being over friendly or over involving will steer people away. While having a conversation pick safe subjects and try not to make any controversial remarks. (You can save all those for your close friends, who don’t mind and won’t judge what you say)

Address the person with their Name – I know people tend to forget names, especially if they have met briefly. When you are introduced to someone, attach a cue with the name to help you remember. The next time you see the person, you can address the person with their name. This shows attentiveness and personalizing.

Dress well – Dressing well doesn’t imply wearing any elaborate or expensive stuff. Make a conscious effort to dress for the occasion. Being well dressed will not only make you look and feel good, but will also tell others that you have put in the thought and effort for the way you look. As the adage goes, ‘First impressions are last impressions’. This may seem shallow and there are some who deny this, but in the real world how you present yourself tells a lot about you.

Be Positive – Last but not the least, radiating positive energy is the key to attracting positive relations. So, smile your way through new beginnings.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

I was getting late for work, and as I was rushing to leave I spilled coffee from my flask onto the carpet. I had to clean it up to save the carpet from ruin. As I rummaged in my closet for the carpet cleaner I created a big mess on the floor, which I decided to clean up after I would get home. I managed to clean up my carpet, leaving the other mess behind, and got to work. By now you would have got an idea of how my day was spiraling down the crisis drain. Yes, I got a little late to the office and will leave out the details of the stressful transit and rest of the day, including sorting out the mess I had left waiting for me at home. This was just another typical day happening in my life.
This brings me to my point, about being prepared for the daily crises we encounter in our lives. How can you avoid such stress and self caused trouble?
The first thing that comes to my mind is waking up early. Waking up early will give you time to perform all routine activities without rushing. That would mean, if something goes wrong, since you are not rushing around you can think of a better way to handle it, without causing yourself more trouble. So, no matter what time you sleep make it a rule to wake up at the same time everyday. Practice it for a few days and then your body will get used to it. That doesn’t exclude the option to sleep early and give your body the required sleep.
Organize your thoughts, tasks and plan your day. When you have a plan in place and your activities organized, you will not have to worry about the how and when. You can’t stop things from going wrong, but when they do you know you can focus on resolving them, as you are not preoccupied with your daily chores. If possible get your things ready for the next day on the previous night. Being prepared in advance will relieve you of the stress of getting things done in a hurry in the morning.
When things are going wrong it is easy to panic or get stressed out. But, remember that you can’t make things right by getting worried. Try to fit in some form of exercise or yoga with meditation. Yoga/exercise not only keeps your body fit but contribute in de-stressing, relaxing and recharging your mind.
Maintain a positive outlook and start your day with a big, bright smile.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

I was going through a period of extreme stress and duress until a vacation with friends came along. My friends and I had been planning the vacation for some time and it took us a long time to put all the logistics in place. When it finally happened we all had a wonderful and memorable time. I came back feeling like “My life hit the refresh button”. It was that much needed vacation and the timing couldn’t have been better. The merits of taking a break dawned on me then. I am completely conscious of and acknowledge the fact that a break doesn’t make the stress go away from our lives; it only refreshes us and renews our energy to face life’s challenges.
Here are a few ways to take that break; I know some sound like common sense things, but sometimes we are so engulfed in our problems that we can’t think of these simple things, a little nudge in that direction might be needed:
1)    Plan the trip well. A well planned out trip reduces the hassles of figuring out where to stay, what to do and how to get to the place. For eg. If the place is famous for shows, then make reservations for the show you want to watch in advance. That way you will not be scrambling for tickets to the show and wondering if you will even be able to go for the show. No one wants to go through anxiety during a vacation.
2)    Do your research of the place you are visiting so that you know what to expect and what you can and can’t miss. This is inter-related to planning the trip. Knowing what the place has to offer will empower you in planning better and choosing options that are favorable for you.
3)    If you are on a budget, look for sites/books offering coupons. You never know what you might find. You can spend sensibly and still have a luxurious vacation if you plan and research properly.
4)    Leave all your worries behind. Don’t carry the burden of all your troubles and hinder yourself from having a good time.
5)    If possible plan your trip with close friends. A vacation with friends makes it more memorable. Sometimes it’s the company that makes a place more enjoyable.
There may be a lot of hurdles in the way to take a vacation, but if we can cross all these the vacation will be well worth it. We all deserve some time to enjoy the beautiful places the world has to offer. Go ahead and make your life hit the refresh button.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Tags: relaxation, vacation

Self control is a person’s ability to control emotions, desires and actions. It is the ability to separate the feelings from the self. When you let your feelings become you, your actions and decision making capabilities become hindered. You may end up reacting based on your feelings and not acting according to the situation. How to gain self control, takes a lot of practice and consistent effort to get control over your feelings. But all that effort and practice will pay off in the long run and pave the way for your success in leading a balanced life.

Needs and desires are completely different things. There are times when desires become so strong that they transform into needs. Self control will keep those desires under control. Think of your favorite food, or even better bring it home and don’t eat it yet. As a first step to gain self control set your mind that you will not eat that food for ‘x’ number of days. I know, this sounds kind of ridiculous, but trust me it works. Abstaining from something that you really crave for will develop resistance to impulses and desires in you. When you can resist temptation you have gained self control over your desires.

All our actions are defined by our emotions. Emotions are the most difficult to control, but if you can gain that control over your emotions you have mastered self control. Emotions could be anything ranging from anger, happiness, sorrow, frustration, etc. Out of all these the biggest step towards greater self control is controlling anger and frustration. Anger overpowers your mind and senses; you may do or say something that you will regret later. Anger is self-destructive and you don’t want to walk that path. When any person or situation makes you angry, try this: Count till 3 before you react or divert your attention to anything that will give the required pause before reacting. This pause will mellow down your anger and as you keep practicing you will eventually gain complete control over your temper.

Meditation is one of the best methods to gain self control and balance your body and mind. Meditation helps unclutter your mind of unwanted thoughts and emotions and also helps you focus and de-stress. Having a calm and clear mind enables you to control your feelings and in turn your actions.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Tags: self control

I was recently reading an article about forgiving people. In the article the author actually wrote that sometimes it’s a good thing not to forgive someone. That got me thinking if I felt the same way and I went down memory lane to figure out how I handled all the people that hurt me and how I felt about each one of them. The trip was a rude awakening for me; it revealed to me that while I have forgiven some, I have been ignorantly living with bottled up anger and hurt towards a childhood friend of mine. I didn’t know when that anger had turned into hatred. ‘Hatred’ sounds like a very strong word, but when we bottle up negativity towards someone it eventually transforms into hatred.
While analyzing my interactions with my friend I realized that my blood pressure would shoot through the roof every time I talked to her. Without realizing it I would say something hurtful to her, yet she was still friends with me. How could I have become so horrible? I couldn’t move away from all the negative emotions, because I was letting that hurt and pain grow so much that it was taking over me. My relationship with her was getting stressful to handle. All the hurt was blocking me from enjoying my friendship with her. I couldn’t go on like this and wasn’t going to live my life with so much negativity. I had to take charge and resolve the tension inside me.
So, I evaluated the relationship: I had to vent out what it was that was really bothering me. I find it very easy to analyze a situation, dilemma or problem when I write my thoughts down. I wrote about what happened that transformed our friendship. Then, I wrote down how I felt about her and what I liked and didn’t like about her. Finally I wrote that I Forgive her and I am Sorry for my behavior, and sent her the same message. That was so liberating. I could feel the lightness of getting the burden off my chest. I had released the bottled up emotions and freed myself of the negativity.
We cannot undo the things that have happened in our lives, we hurt and get hurt. Forgiving someone and forgetting hurtful events in our lives is a very-very difficult task, especially if we still have to deal with the person. We live with so much pent up hurt and pain that we tend to block the joys of relationships. But forgiving and moving on frees us from the stress and burden of bottled up negativity. Just say the words “I Forgive You” to someone that hurt you and liberate yourself.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche