Fear of Failure

Failure comes to all of us at some point in our lives and in some shape or form; however the fear of failure can become one of your biggest life fears.

Fear of failure really is just a fear of the unknown. You don’t know what’s out there, and so you’re scared, sometimes to the point where you want to give up entirely just to avoid failing!  It doesn’t take long to figure out that the ultimate is to not try at all!

How can you overcome the fear of failure and gain the confidence you need to succeed?

Consider these actions steps:

1. Imagine the worst case scenario. Of course, you should spend time imagining everything turning out well, but it actually helps to imagine the worst case. This is because, while horrible, imagining the worst case gives your fears a face. Your fears are then no longer the unknown and they may not be quite as scary.

2. Take action. The fear of failure can hold you hostage but when you take bold action, you’re able to recognize you simply made a mistake, learn from it and move on.

3. Talk to successful people. Ask them about the times they experienced failure and how they felt. It’s likely that they were afraid and that they’ve even failed greatly before reaching success.

4. Learn to use affirmations. Daily affirmations help to change your mind set about your fears and can reprogram your thinking so you know you will succeed at anything you attempt.

5. Know that you will keep trying.  When faced with failure it is important to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give it another try.

Help is always Available

Many people the world over suffer the fear of failure so of course there are many people to talk to who can help you.  It is wise to talk to those who have failed many times and overcome this but trying again and again. Of course a Counselor, trained in this field can also provide enormous assistance and support.

Long Term

Remember that life is full of lessons, and when we don’t learn the lesson the first time we get it back again and again until we understand and learn the lesson, that’s really all that failure is, a lesson in life’s journey!

Tags: failure, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, overcoming fear

From Lisa’s Chair

The journey I have been on over the last five years is something most people, me included, only read about or see in the movies.  It has been a journey of highs, lows, laughter, tears and mostly of survival and self discovery.  A journey of developing into the person I have become today.  From the lows of lying in a Spinal unit to the highs of seeing the sparkling lights of the famous “Las Vegas Strip”.

It all began this time 5 years ago with a slight nagging pain in my upper arm.  I came home from my working day and commented to my partner that my upper arm was sore.  This progressed quite quickly to a pain that affected my daily routine, stopping me from working, sleeping and socialising.  I found myself at the emergency department of our major hospital, to be given the diagnosis of a massive bulging disc on my C5/C6.  After trying so many lotions and potions I was advised  by my doctor that the only option was surgery.  I was then booked to see a “Very well known and experienced” Neurosurgeon.  I was excited to be seeing this person who would take away my pain and give me my life back.  He assured me it was a very simple operation, and I would have more hope of being hit by a bus when he discharged me, than of anything going wrong.  I was so full of hope and could hardly wait until this wonderful person was going to give me my life back, 9th February 2005.  I could never had known how his words would ring in my ears for the rest of my life………3 to 5 days, you will be back home, pain free.  Those words started me on a journey of self development into the stronger person I have become today.

Hope you enjoy my story….

Kind Regards
Lisa Monaghan

Out with the Old In with the New

9^th February, 2005, a day forever in my memory, a day I was so looking forward to. Arriving bright and early keen to get the process going, I could never have imagined how devastated my family and I would feel by late this afternoon. I really don’t think there are any words that could describe my mortal fear when I realized that I could no longer move, I was so happy as I waved to my mother at 10am that morning as they wheeled me away smiling, to the operating theatre.

 Somewhere, somehow during my operation something had happened that would change everything in every aspect of my life. My body, mind and soul were no longer as I had always known them to be. My first realisation that all was not well was saying I felt pain in my arm, I just kept repeating that something was wrong. My family were downstairs unsure of what was going on as I was due out of theatre three hours earlier.

I remember waking seeing my Son, Daughter, Mother and Partner standing there smiling, huge bunches of flowers in hand, happy to see me at last. They had no idea of the horror we were all about to face. I was so sure that this was going away and all was going to be good again. Why wouldn’t it be-I was getting a new car and had a planned holiday to the Reef. Just a day or two should see all of this go away, after all the awful pain I felt was gone. I will be home again in 3 to 5 days, the Surgeon had assured me of that.

Never could I have imaged the journey I was about to undertake, a journey of digging deep and finding survival tactics I never knew existed. It is amazing the inner strength you can find when you are faced with adversity. Look out Lisa, out with the old and in with the new……….

07/02/10

As you can see by the date on my column today it has been some time since I last wrote and things have come to light of which I could never have imagined, but for now back to my hospital stay.  My three day visit lasted for nine long agonizing months, agonizing for me, my children, my parents, family and friends.  To see the pain and helplessness on their face day after day is really hard and sad.  To see their glee is also sad, their glee because you can now hold a pen or a cup or you can brush your hair, they feign excitement but really their heart is just as broken as yours, but they have to be as happy as they can be for your sake.  You do have your happy moments of course when funny things happen and you can even laugh at yourself and as time goes on you learn to do this more and more.  As much as you don’t like being in hospital it almost becomes a safe haven or another family and leaving it, even for just a few hours can be quite traumatic.  

My first trip out of the hospital was amazing and I almost felt like an alien!  Allan, my partner at the time, had asked me to marry him and he wanted to take me for a champagne to celebrate.  I had been practicing for a few weeks with my physiotherapist, Josh, how to transfer in and out of a car, so here was my opportunity.  It was slow, difficult and painful, but with the help of my Physio’s and Allan I was in the front seat of the car, the same car that had dropped me off a few months ago to start this painful journey.  Oh how excited I felt, it felt so weird to be in a car, yet I had been driving since I was 17.  We drove off leaving the hospital behind, so excited at something so seemingly small, I immediately called my mother and said excitedly “You will never guess where I am Mum, I am in the car with Allan”, such a big moment, we were so happy.  We stopped and picked up some piccolos of champagne and went and parked down by the river and drank to our excitement, to getting engaged, to being alone together, to being back in the real world, sitting in the car like a ‘Normal’ person, life just didn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of biting you when you least expect it, after we had finished drinking our champagne, it was time for me to remember that I had to go back to the Spinal Unit, Allan had told me something that had broken my heart and the Physios gave us a scolding as in our haste to get away from the hospital we had forgotten to take my wheelchair.  It seems my spinal injury was going to be with me wherever I went for the rest of my life……..how could I deal with that?

Kind Regards

Lisa Monaghan

Tags: anxiety, attitude, change, coping with change, fear, happiness, inspiration, Love, personal development, sadness, Self Esteem and Confidence, self improvement

Live for the Moment

Making a conscious effort to live in the present moment, allows you to think calmly and with clarity. This, amazingly keeps you free from the stresses of life..  With a little effort this is a habit worthwhile forming. The art of mindfulness or living in the moment isn’t easy but is achievable.

With so many distractions such as, fears, frustrations, worry and stress, it is hard to cope with what is going on around us. However once you be accustomed to your new habit, you will wonder how you ever lived any other way.
How do I make living in the moment my new way of life?

These steps will help you to achieve present moment thinking……..
1.Meditate. When meditating, the most important thing to focus on is your breathing, releasing your thoughts as you go. Meditation is the art of living in the moment, accepting things as they are. Blocking out or allowing distractions to wash over you. Practicing these things will help to quieten your mind, which is of the utmost importance.

2.You cannot change the Past, you must accept that it has been and gone. Not  always easy to do, particularly if there are some serious issues in the past, but once you accept past situations, you will feel better about yourself. Don’t dwell on things you cannot change. It is so much harder to concentrate on the present moment, when the past is clouding your thinking. Clear your mind. You will be able to face the present moment without grief or regret, when you learn to accept the past for what it is when those thoughts arise.

3. Accept the future with open arms. Just as you need to leave the past behind, you need to accept the future. None of us know what the future holds, so worrying about things we cannot change is futile. Relax and accept what the universe offers, it is going to happen anyway!
* How many hours from your precious day do you waste by sitting around thinking about what you’re going to do? When you stop thinking, you have more time to actually do it!

4. Be mindful. Even the most mundane of chores should be done with an open mind. Being mindful ensures you pay close attention to what you are doing in the present. Open your senses to what you are doing, you will be overwhelmed with an abundance of positive feelings you didn’t think you were capable of.

5. Get in touch with nature. Take some time to get in touch with nature, as they say,”Stop and Smell the Roses”. You can go for a walk enjoying the sunshine or just sit under a tree.
Always remember you must take the time to Relax

In maintaining a relaxed attitude, you will achieve conscious living if you keep trying.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: acceptance, conscious living, letting go, meditate, Meditation, mindfulness

Should I Stay Or Should I Go………….

For those of you who are the same vintage as I am, you would remember this as a very popular song title. It may bring back some very different memories of a time when things seemed much simpler and life was generally pretty easy. Our youthful memories, should be filled with heady romances and first kisses. Sadly though, we form habits in relationships, that are hard to break, or routines that are hard to put behind us.

We all at around the age of twenty to twenty five start to mature and partners or relationships that once we thought were sweet and tender, suddenly become manipulative and controlling. We can feel this happening but tend to keep telling ourselves that our partner is tired, stressed or even worse, we are doing things to make them unhappy and insecure. Mind you, this behavior is not age restrictive. I have to say that I know many people in their 40′s, 50′s even 60′s who are still repeating this pattern, over and over again. This type of relationship is very hard to walk away from, especially if you have a soft easy going nature, or have self esteem issues. You start to think that this is what you deserve. WRONG!

Rarely do you see strong confident types of people caught up in relationships they are not enjoying, they have the strength and self confidence to make a life for themselves, with or without a partner. If you ever find yourself in a situation where everyone around you can see these signs and they are prepared to put themselves in a vulnerable position by addressing it with you, be rest assured this comes from a place of love. Nobody wants to sabotage your happiness, least of all those who love you.

Naturally, everyone one will come across someone they think is unsuitable for their friend, daughter, son, parent, BUT if this is the majority and not the minority then we really need to take stock, listen and find the strength to move on. The old adage that “Life is too Short” is very true indeed.

Each new day is a gift and not a given.

Naturally, every aspect of our lives cannot possibly be perfect, but the person we choose to be ‘The One’, should make our heart skip a beat, make the room light up when they smile. Life offers us no guarantees, so we need to be as certain, as we can be of the person we choose to be our lover and our friend. God created something wonderful and unique, YOU!. You would not buy a BMW for your worst neighbour, so don’t give the greatest asset you have to someone undeserving.

Walking away from something that isn’t working takes an awful lot of inner strength and it is so much easier to stay and keep the peace, your partners peace, not yours long term. Find the inner strength, combine it with the love and support from family and friends and you will soon be on your way to a happier, healthier life, with or without a partner.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: inner strength, life partner, Love, love yourself, loving relationship, partner, positive relationship, relationship advice

Is your relationship draining you? How to avoid it……..

I am sure it is easy for all of us to stay in a negative relationship, one which started out perfect,then, started to change almost overnight. There comes a time where you have to decide whether or not the positive attributes outweigh the negative ones when it comes to your relationship choices. When you are feeling unhappy and emotionally drained after a break up, you might not be too optimistic about getting yourself back out there. It is not easy to open yourself up to new opportunities, but it is the only way you’re going to reach the happiness we all seek.

The most beneficial thing you can do is to educate yourself to the point that you know what to look for and what to avoid. This is not by any means a fail-proof plan, but by applying certain strategies, you stand to increase your chances of finding a fulfilling, lasting relationship.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Try taking these steps to avoid negative relationships:

Step 1

Avoid going back to the wrong person. When you’re feeling particularly lonely, it is hard to fight the urge to fall back on someone that you feel comfortable with even though you know they not right for you. Your head tells you that this person is not “the one” and yet your heart tells you to go crawling back anyway, convincing you they can change. Chances are, they won’t.

Step 2

You need to spend time getting to know your partner well. Focus on getting to know your partner first before it becomes a more serious relationship. You need to try the in depth conversations close to the start of the relationship. This gives you the scope to decide to work through it or move on quickly, if there are any nagging doubts.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Step 3

Get an insight into your partner’s history. Did you find any disturbing events in his or her past? You need to move on quickly from people who have a history of violence or intense form of addiction. If you have this knowledge and you choose to pursue the relationship, you must set ground rules and proceed with caution.

Step 4

Manipulative people are best avoided. It is not easy to realize it at first, but being manipulated often can be seriously draining on your relationship. If your partner is controlling, and their motives seem to be selfish, it is not the most pleasant relationship to be in. You must recognize the behavior and move on before becoming attached to this type of person. Recognize these red flags!

Step 5

It is important to prepare a list of the qualities you desire in a partner. By including the qualities you like and also dislike, will make it easier to determine if this is the right relationship for you.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Here’s a tip:

Superficial things such as looks, are best avoided, because these types of things will likely change with age. You need to be attracted to their personality, genuinely liking them as a person. Just pure human nature tells us relationships are difficult to maintain. We shouldn’t base our future hopes on the fact that many relationships just come to an end. The world is full of people that will be a perfect match, have faith. It is important to avoid relationships that drain our energy and destroy our soul.

Remember:

We all have a right to make choices. Focus yourself, walk the path to finding the right partner for you and then take the steps to make it the positive relationship you’ve always dreamed of!

Love & Passion Relationship Program

A really great Relationship Program by Anthony Robbins, for anyone wanting to improve their existing relationship or to find that special partner!  This program provides you with the tools you need to attract and sustain a passionate, loving relationship.  Find more information at the Anthony Robbins website.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: Love, relationship, Relationships, respect