When it comes to Self Esteem and regaining it I have a story to tell. The story of my sister, who went from being a bubbly and dynamic girl to a battered, abused and depressed woman; and then back to being the confident and attractive woman she made herself to be. It amazes me to see the way she pulled herself together and made her rebound.

Without delving too much into her unfortunate past I will talk about how she rediscovered herself and transformed into an idle for others around her. It wasn’t an easy transition for her, but all her efforts have surely paid off. When she was in the abusive relationship she blamed herself for the mistreatment. She thought that it was her shortcomings that lead to such a disastrous relationship. She was afraid to talk to people and to seek help. She had become introverted, depressed and disinterested in life; her confidence and self esteem were down the drain. She had let the man she loved so much walk all over her and in doing so lost her bright self. When she couldn’t take the abuse anymore she decided to leave him and move on. And that became the turning point for her.

Getting out of the relationship and doing things on her own were not easy for her, but what it taught her was to be strong and stand up for herself. She made her travails a learning curve towards progression and improvement.

When you are faced with a difficult situation the easiest way out of it seems to escape or run from it. But the real thing to do would be to face the situation and figure a way out of it. The first lesson to learn for regaining self esteem is to face reality. It is not an easy thing to accept that to yourself or to anybody else, but you have to do it. That’s what my sister did. She faced the reality that she had lost her confidence and self esteem. She talked about it not only to herself but to her friends. Facing the reality of her situation gave her an insight into what she is supposed to work on. She took advice and help from her good friends and tried to follow it.

My sister always enjoyed painting. She took up her interests with renewed energy. When you do something you enjoy it boosts the feel good emotion in you. It makes you feel better about yourself. Any appreciation from others for your activities will enhance your sense of self and surge your confidence further up. So finding something you enjoy doing will help in regaining your self esteem.

Like who you are – Self perception plays a very vital role in how you project yourself. When you are not comfortable with who you are, you tend to come off as a meek and submissive person with a low sense of self. When people see a person with a low or nil self confidence or self esteem, they tend to think that they can get away with mistreatment. If the people around you have abused and pushed you around, remember that it is not your fault. It is their lowliness and your goodness that they are being allowed to treat you bad. But, that doesn’t mean that you should let them treat you that way. Muster the strength to confront and fight back. You are better than that. So don’t ever let yourself down in your own eyes.

By

Mary-Ann Roche

I remember my Dad saying to me a few years ago that when he looks in the mirror he sees this old man staring back at him and he cannot understand as he still feels like a 30 year old on the inside. 

Well my father is celebrating  his 87th birthday this Saturday and in traditional Australian style we will all gather for a bar-b-cue. 

When I say all, I mean his 10 children, 30 something grand-children and half a dozen great grand-children and of course, my Mum.  I have been thinking about what he said a few years ago and its only now that I understand and can identify what he means. 

I went back to work full time recently only to be told quite nicely that I was in fact the oldest person in the Company!  Now in my defence I can only say that being a web development studio that doesnt necessarily mean I am that old as typically most people in this industry are quite young.  Anyway the comment rattled me a bit and when I went home that night took a good long look in the mirror. 

My goodness he was right!  Age had begun to creep up on me without me noticing.  I still feel in my twenties in so many ways but am struggling to understand how the world sees me.  Even when I go to buy something to wear I now have reached the point of questioning appropriateness for my age!  Can you believe it!  Where in the rule book is it written that we have some dress code we are to adhere to once we reach a certain age?  I want to fight it and wear what the hell I want to regardless of what anyone thinks and then I have to stop myself…..the children, what will they think? 

My children are all in their mid twenties but who wants to see their Mum strutting her stuff in a mini skirt? 

So as I think about my father’s impending birthday celebrations I remember my daughter saying to me once “Mum  you will never be this beautiful again, so get out there and wear whatever you want!  I think age is such an over-rated topic, and society really imposes all sorts of ideas on what we should and shouldnt do or think or wear and I say “to hell with it, we pass this way but once, make the most of it!”

Written by

MaryAnn Roche

Public speaking tends to freak a lot of us out and I am certainly no exception.  The thought of having to get up in front of an audience to make a speech is enough for me to be paralized by fear. The fear of public speaking can cause enormous stress to some individuals and since they are completely overcome by fear at the time it becomes difficult to focus on the speech and its delivery. 
Fear of public speaking is quite common, however if you can break it down and approach it like you would do an everyday conversation this may help.  Of course it is easier said than done when you look up and 500 people are looking back at you!

Paralized by Fear

For me personally when I reach the podium and turn the microphone on from that point on I see not much more than a black canvas in front of me. I can feel the sensation welling up inside my throat knowing that I must soon speak. Like many of us I am a perfectionist, and put considerable emphasis on delivering the perfect speech. In a way that is a double edged sword for someone with a fear of public speaking in that it is the very thing that causes the fear in the first instance, and secondly it is the very thing that the audience is looking for!

When making a speech I tend to experience all the thoughts like “what if people hate my speech and begin leaving”, what if I simply cannot speak in a fluent manner, what if something goes wrong with my slide presentation and I have to wing it?

Focus is the Key

All of these feelings cause enormous anxiety making it very difficult to deliver an effective and memorable speech.  Perhaps the key is to try to actually focus on sharing your knowledge with the audience, after all that’s what they came for!  Forget if you can, about flawlessly delivering your speech but rather, focus on the value the audience can actually get from the content delivery.  Forget about impressing them but focus on delivering to them the information you know they want to gain.  Perhaps this focus, will help you to overcome your fear of public speaking.

Communicate the topic effectively to your audience so you can see by their faces that they are receiving the information they came for.  In focusing to this degree, the nervous or anxious feelings tend to be held at bay.

Preparation

Therefore always study your subject matter thoroughly beforehand so you feel confident when it comes time to deliver this information.  Practise and refine your speaking, pausing at the correct moments and speaking slowly and effectively.  Ensure your presentation materials are prepared correctly so as to aid you in delivering your address in an effective manner.

Visualize yourself already speaking in public

Lastly as Im sure many of my readers know by now, I am a great believer in the art of meditation and visualization.  Meditate an hour or so prior to delivery of your speech and visualize yourself speaking in front of the audience.  See yourself speaking clearly and with confidence to your audience.  Think about how you are feeling when you do this, do you feel good about yourself?  Are you feeling relaxed about it?

These are my thoughts on how to overcome your fear of public speaking, from a fellow sufferer.  I have practised what I preach and can say that over time my fear of public speaking has reduced somewhat and continues to do so if I follow my own advice.

By Maryann Roche

Many adult women of today where told by their parents, when they were little girls, to be nice, quiet, obedient and not to complain. They wanted to be good in order not to upset mommy and daddy, so they did what they were told. They obeyed and when there was something they didn’t like, they kept it to themselves.

 These little girls grew up and today they are thirty, forty, fifty. They are experienced, self-confident and educated. But even today they are subconsciously afraid of admitting that something is wrong. They fear that their partner will blame them for creating problems, get upset and eventually stop loving them. However, being tight-lipped is one of the most destructive relationship mistakes. And if you don’t dare to talk about what bothers you and to express your wishes, you’re not being a good girl at all. On the contrary.

We all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Usually, women are considered more communicative, while men tend to find it more difficult to open up, show their emotions and discuss relationship issues.

However, there is one communication area in which we, women, often do not excel. Many of us have problems telling the truth when something is wrong and expressing exactly what we want. Instead, we expect men to see what’s wrong and to guess what we want. The bad news is that men are no mind readers and most of the time they believe what we tell them.

Let’s have a look at this typical example: Your partner asks you if you’re okay. You say that you are. He’s happy and goes about his day. But in reality, you’re not okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you’re sad, maybe you have a headache, maybe he said something or did something annoying. However, you don’t say a word because you expect him to know, to see it, to feel it. He would, if he really loved you, right? So you get frustrated and furious. He doesn’t understand why you’re snapping at him, and he says you’re hysterical. It makes you even more furious because you’re angry for a reason. He still doesn’t understand. You end up fighting for nothing. Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s quite possible that your mum or your best friend really see when something is wrong and don’t leave you alone until you tell them. However, most men are much more straightforward and a bit less empathetic than women, and when you say you’re fine, they take your word for it.

So my advice is: Speak up and tell your partner how you feel and what you think. Believe me, he can take it. Actually, he’ll be happy to listen, advice and help, or just to hug you and support you.

The same rule applies to relationship issues. Maybe something he does (or did) has been bugging you for some time. Maybe you would like to spend more time together or do different things. Maybe his habits are ticking you off. He can’t know it unless you tell him, and such little “secrets” have ruined many good relationships. The tension keeps building up, you’re not happy, he can see that but he doesn’t understand why. It leads to unnecessary fights and even to break-ups.

Your partner wants your relationship to work, just like you do. He wants to be happy, just like you want him to be happy. And he wants to know what’s going on in your head, just like you want to know what’s going on in his. Talking about things that bother you and about those that you want or long for should become a natural part of your relationship. So start today. Tell your partner you want to discuss something over a good meal on Friday night and believe me, he’ll be ready to listen. Don’t accuse each other and don’t complain, just talk about things that you would like to change. Stop keeping your worries to yourself. You’re in this together, it’s your relationship and you love each other, so be honest and open. And remember, hints are useless and they don’t work, so don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. You will see that straightforwardness is something that men deeply appreciate.

 Written by Barbora Knobova.

Mediocrity No and Success Yes!

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Is life passing you by? Well I say No to Mediocrity and Yes to Success! You can too…read on my friend!

There’s an exciting world out there with a lot to offer. Deep down you know you want to get out and take a big bite of it. Sure, it may be a bit overwhelming, and even scary at times, but you can’t let your life just pass you by.

So, it looks like you’re stuck in a rut. Are you bored with your life and the same routine day after day? Of course you can’t be happy like this!

It’s time to live those dreams, take a leap of faith, and get out of your comfort zone! Lose the mediocrity and find the success! But how do you get started?

Read on for some valuable tips and suggestions to help you find the success you desire:

1. Take the first step.

It’s time to take that first leap of faith. As much as you want to step outside the box and get out of this rut, nothing will happen without taking that first big step.

* No matter how frightening it may be, you need to focus on the big picture and the pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. Muster up all the encouragement and support you can find and just do it. Once the first step is accomplished, it gets easier!

Get Unstoppable Confidence for Your Journey! – Click Here
* You deserve to be the best that you can possibly be, and deep down inside you know this. You’ll be so glad you took action – and you’ll be so proud of yourself when you celebrate at the finish line!

2. Decide what you want to do.

Put your fears aside and step outside of your mediocrity zone. If you could do anything without fear, money, or time being an issue, what would you choose?

* Make a list of everything you would like to accomplish someday. It doesn’t matter how crazy or outrageous you may think it is, just write it down.

* It also doesn’t matter if your list has three or thirty-three things listed. Just search your heart and your mind and write down what you would really like to do.

3. Faith.

It’s important to have faith to see your journey until the end, yet this may be one of the hardest qualities to develop. Remember how it feels to be stuck where you are with no excitement and no real purpose. You know things can be better than they are now, but how?

* All you need to do is believe in yourself. You know that countless people before you have lived their dreams, so why not you? What makes them so different?
Get Unstoppable Confidence for Your Journey! – Click Here

* There really is no difference between you and others, except for the belief in the possibility for great success. You can be just like they are; you just have to believe you can do it!

4. Don’t keep it a secret.

If you’re ashamed of how you’re feeling, you shouldn’t be. Many people find themselves in the same predicament. The only thing that should embarrass you is if you intentionally decide to stay in that rut! Do yourself a big favor and open up to someone you trust.

* Whether that’s a parent, spouse, or best friend, tell them that you’re ready to make a change in your life and they’ll be able support you throughout your journey. They’ll encourage you on the good days and cry with you on the bad days.

* Most importantly, they’ll be there to support you throughout it all. It’s just what you need to achieve great success!

Final thoughts on Success and Mediocrity

No one enjoys being in a rut and just going through the motions of life. Feeling mediocrity is not a nice thing! Don’t let your fears hold you back. After all, this is a wonderful world that you deserve to enjoy to the fullest!

Go out and experience everything life has to offer. Take that first leap of faith and you’ll never look back again! What ever Success means to you – Just Go Get It!
Get Unstoppable Confidence, You’ll be So Glad You Did! – Click Here
By MaryAnn Roche.