Hello! How are you? I would like to share with you a very inspiring story of a friend of mine. Last week, I accidentally met a long-lost friend of mine when I went to the grocery store. At first, I did not recognize her. She was the one who called my name and introduced herself. I was surprised by the huge changes in her physical appearance and lifestyle. By the way, two decades ago my friends and I used to joke on her and call her ugly duckling for her appearance and status in life. She belonged to an impoverished family. Her mom was widowed, and so had to support and take care of her 8 children by herself. The death of the father caused financial crisis in the family. They could not take a decent meal a day. And so, my friend and some of her siblings were not given proper nourishment. They were so thin and looked like malnourished people. Her face was covered with pimples, and her skin with boils, scars and rashes. She could not afford to go to dermatologist due to lack of money. She was overage when she graduated in high school because she started schooling late and needed to stop schooling once in a while to assist her mom in taking care of her siblings. When she was a teenager, she was molested and physically abused by her stepfather. She endured this torture for many years because of fear to be separated from her family, and dread of being killed by her stepfather. But, this is not the end of her suffering. She jumped from one relationship to another relationship for her need of security, love and acceptance. These relationships pierced her heart more due to physical, verbal and sexual abuse by men whom she loved and to whom she entrusted herself. The last thing I knew about her was that she got hooked on drugs and alcohol. And after that, I have not heard anymore from her for years.
After almost 20 years, the person she was then is different what she is now. All the suffering and hardships she experienced then did not crush her, but strengthen her. The trials she faced then did not dampen her spirit, but challenge her. The pain she endured then did not discourage her from pursuing her dreams, but fuel her to fight. She did not consider all problems and sorrows as failures and stumbling blocks, but opportunities for her to grow and mature. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: attitude, happiness, hope, recovery, self help, suffering

When it comes to Self Esteem and regaining it I have a story to tell. The story of my sister, who went from being a bubbly and dynamic girl to a battered, abused and depressed woman; and then back to being the confident and attractive woman she made herself to be. It amazes me to see the way she pulled herself together and made her rebound.

Without delving too much into her unfortunate past I will talk about how she rediscovered herself and transformed into an idle for others around her. It wasn’t an easy transition for her, but all her efforts have surely paid off. When she was in the abusive relationship she blamed herself for the mistreatment. She thought that it was her shortcomings that lead to such a disastrous relationship. She was afraid to talk to people and to seek help. She had become introverted, depressed and disinterested in life; her confidence and self esteem were down the drain. She had let the man she loved so much walk all over her and in doing so lost her bright self. When she couldn’t take the abuse anymore she decided to leave him and move on. And that became the turning point for her.

Getting out of the relationship and doing things on her own were not easy for her, but what it taught her was to be strong and stand up for herself. She made her travails a learning curve towards progression and improvement.

When you are faced with a difficult situation the easiest way out of it seems to escape or run from it. But the real thing to do would be to face the situation and figure a way out of it. The first lesson to learn for regaining self esteem is to face reality. It is not an easy thing to accept that to yourself or to anybody else, but you have to do it. That’s what my sister did. She faced the reality that she had lost her confidence and self esteem. She talked about it not only to herself but to her friends. Facing the reality of her situation gave her an insight into what she is supposed to work on. She took advice and help from her good friends and tried to follow it.

My sister always enjoyed painting. She took up her interests with renewed energy. When you do something you enjoy it boosts the feel good emotion in you. It makes you feel better about yourself. Any appreciation from others for your activities will enhance your sense of self and surge your confidence further up. So finding something you enjoy doing will help in regaining your self esteem.

Like who you are – Self perception plays a very vital role in how you project yourself. When you are not comfortable with who you are, you tend to come off as a meek and submissive person with a low sense of self. When people see a person with a low or nil self confidence or self esteem, they tend to think that they can get away with mistreatment. If the people around you have abused and pushed you around, remember that it is not your fault. It is their lowliness and your goodness that they are being allowed to treat you bad. But, that doesn’t mean that you should let them treat you that way. Muster the strength to confront and fight back. You are better than that. So don’t ever let yourself down in your own eyes.

By

Mary-Ann Roche

Tags: sele esteem

I remember my Dad saying to me a few years ago that when he looks in the mirror he sees this old man staring back at him and he cannot understand as he still feels like a 30 year old on the inside. 

Well my father is celebrating  his 87th birthday this Saturday and in traditional Australian style we will all gather for a bar-b-cue. 

When I say all, I mean his 10 children, 30 something grand-children and half a dozen great grand-children and of course, my Mum.  I have been thinking about what he said a few years ago and its only now that I understand and can identify what he means. 

I went back to work full time recently only to be told quite nicely that I was in fact the oldest person in the Company!  Now in my defence I can only say that being a web development studio that doesnt necessarily mean I am that old as typically most people in this industry are quite young.  Anyway the comment rattled me a bit and when I went home that night took a good long look in the mirror. 

My goodness he was right!  Age had begun to creep up on me without me noticing.  I still feel in my twenties in so many ways but am struggling to understand how the world sees me.  Even when I go to buy something to wear I now have reached the point of questioning appropriateness for my age!  Can you believe it!  Where in the rule book is it written that we have some dress code we are to adhere to once we reach a certain age?  I want to fight it and wear what the hell I want to regardless of what anyone thinks and then I have to stop myself…..the children, what will they think? 

My children are all in their mid twenties but who wants to see their Mum strutting her stuff in a mini skirt? 

So as I think about my father’s impending birthday celebrations I remember my daughter saying to me once “Mum  you will never be this beautiful again, so get out there and wear whatever you want!  I think age is such an over-rated topic, and society really imposes all sorts of ideas on what we should and shouldnt do or think or wear and I say “to hell with it, we pass this way but once, make the most of it!”

Written by

MaryAnn Roche

Public speaking tends to freak a lot of us out and I am certainly no exception.  The thought of having to get up in front of an audience to make a speech is enough for me to be paralized by fear. The fear of public speaking can cause enormous stress to some individuals and since they are completely overcome by fear at the time it becomes difficult to focus on the speech and its delivery. 
Fear of public speaking is quite common, however if you can break it down and approach it like you would do an everyday conversation this may help.  Of course it is easier said than done when you look up and 500 people are looking back at you!

Paralized by Fear

For me personally when I reach the podium and turn the microphone on from that point on I see not much more than a black canvas in front of me. I can feel the sensation welling up inside my throat knowing that I must soon speak. Like many of us I am a perfectionist, and put considerable emphasis on delivering the perfect speech. In a way that is a double edged sword for someone with a fear of public speaking in that it is the very thing that causes the fear in the first instance, and secondly it is the very thing that the audience is looking for!

When making a speech I tend to experience all the thoughts like “what if people hate my speech and begin leaving”, what if I simply cannot speak in a fluent manner, what if something goes wrong with my slide presentation and I have to wing it?

Focus is the Key

All of these feelings cause enormous anxiety making it very difficult to deliver an effective and memorable speech.  Perhaps the key is to try to actually focus on sharing your knowledge with the audience, after all that’s what they came for!  Forget if you can, about flawlessly delivering your speech but rather, focus on the value the audience can actually get from the content delivery.  Forget about impressing them but focus on delivering to them the information you know they want to gain.  Perhaps this focus, will help you to overcome your fear of public speaking.

Communicate the topic effectively to your audience so you can see by their faces that they are receiving the information they came for.  In focusing to this degree, the nervous or anxious feelings tend to be held at bay.

Preparation

Therefore always study your subject matter thoroughly beforehand so you feel confident when it comes time to deliver this information.  Practise and refine your speaking, pausing at the correct moments and speaking slowly and effectively.  Ensure your presentation materials are prepared correctly so as to aid you in delivering your address in an effective manner.

Visualize yourself already speaking in public

Lastly as Im sure many of my readers know by now, I am a great believer in the art of meditation and visualization.  Meditate an hour or so prior to delivery of your speech and visualize yourself speaking in front of the audience.  See yourself speaking clearly and with confidence to your audience.  Think about how you are feeling when you do this, do you feel good about yourself?  Are you feeling relaxed about it?

These are my thoughts on how to overcome your fear of public speaking, from a fellow sufferer.  I have practised what I preach and can say that over time my fear of public speaking has reduced somewhat and continues to do so if I follow my own advice.

By Maryann Roche

Tags: fear of public speaking, overcoming fear, public speaking anxiety

Many adult women of today where told by their parents, when they were little girls, to be nice, quiet, obedient and not to complain. They wanted to be good in order not to upset mommy and daddy, so they did what they were told. They obeyed and when there was something they didn’t like, they kept it to themselves.

 These little girls grew up and today they are thirty, forty, fifty. They are experienced, self-confident and educated. But even today they are subconsciously afraid of admitting that something is wrong. They fear that their partner will blame them for creating problems, get upset and eventually stop loving them. However, being tight-lipped is one of the most destructive relationship mistakes. And if you don’t dare to talk about what bothers you and to express your wishes, you’re not being a good girl at all. On the contrary.

We all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Usually, women are considered more communicative, while men tend to find it more difficult to open up, show their emotions and discuss relationship issues.

However, there is one communication area in which we, women, often do not excel. Many of us have problems telling the truth when something is wrong and expressing exactly what we want. Instead, we expect men to see what’s wrong and to guess what we want. The bad news is that men are no mind readers and most of the time they believe what we tell them.

Let’s have a look at this typical example: Your partner asks you if you’re okay. You say that you are. He’s happy and goes about his day. But in reality, you’re not okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you’re sad, maybe you have a headache, maybe he said something or did something annoying. However, you don’t say a word because you expect him to know, to see it, to feel it. He would, if he really loved you, right? So you get frustrated and furious. He doesn’t understand why you’re snapping at him, and he says you’re hysterical. It makes you even more furious because you’re angry for a reason. He still doesn’t understand. You end up fighting for nothing. Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s quite possible that your mum or your best friend really see when something is wrong and don’t leave you alone until you tell them. However, most men are much more straightforward and a bit less empathetic than women, and when you say you’re fine, they take your word for it.

So my advice is: Speak up and tell your partner how you feel and what you think. Believe me, he can take it. Actually, he’ll be happy to listen, advice and help, or just to hug you and support you.

The same rule applies to relationship issues. Maybe something he does (or did) has been bugging you for some time. Maybe you would like to spend more time together or do different things. Maybe his habits are ticking you off. He can’t know it unless you tell him, and such little “secrets” have ruined many good relationships. The tension keeps building up, you’re not happy, he can see that but he doesn’t understand why. It leads to unnecessary fights and even to break-ups.

Your partner wants your relationship to work, just like you do. He wants to be happy, just like you want him to be happy. And he wants to know what’s going on in your head, just like you want to know what’s going on in his. Talking about things that bother you and about those that you want or long for should become a natural part of your relationship. So start today. Tell your partner you want to discuss something over a good meal on Friday night and believe me, he’ll be ready to listen. Don’t accuse each other and don’t complain, just talk about things that you would like to change. Stop keeping your worries to yourself. You’re in this together, it’s your relationship and you love each other, so be honest and open. And remember, hints are useless and they don’t work, so don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. You will see that straightforwardness is something that men deeply appreciate.

 Written by Barbora Knobova.

Tags: boost your self esteem, confidence, happiness, Love, personal development, positive thinking, Relationships, respect, Self Esteem and Confidence