People change and with that so do relationships change over the years. The only relationship that remains constant and where there are no equations is that of a parent-child. It is pure and blissful and the bond only grows with the years. Yes, I do agree that it is a great responsibility too, where there are good days and bad days. I think this ancient African adage “It takes a village to raise a child” sums up parenthood very well. We build a network of family and friends and neighbors as a part of our community. This community supports our efforts in raising our family.
As parents we do make a lot of adjustments and compromises and work towards providing for and taking care of our children. But, the fruitful joys of parenthood make the pains worth going through. After a long, stressful day at work the only thing that I look forward to and that brings a smile to my face is seeing my son. Without sounding too dramatic, I would say that all the day’s problems and worries become trivial when I see my son; it’s like all my issues just melt away. I always feel that children are a blessing and a joy to have. Having a child has given me a purpose and direction in life. I am motivated to live my life and fulfill my duties as a parent.
Just like in any relationship, there are disagreements and differences between a parent and child, but at the end of the day both know that they love each other. No matter how upset I am with my son, I always make it a point to tell him, “I maybe angry with you and yell at you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I love you a lot.” Reassurance makes a child feel secure, loved and wanted.
All the innocence, hugs and kisses is what we will remember, even after our children grow up. The moments we spend with our children are the most memorable and will not come back, because even before you know it they’re all grown up.
You must be wondering what the purpose of this post is. I wanted to write something positive and encouraging for parents, who make so many sacrifices to bring up their children. We sometimes may not be considered the best qualified people for parenthood, but we do our best to provide and support our children and that makes each one of us the best parents.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Men are usually faced with a conflicting situation – To provide for the wife and child(ren) a man has to work, sometimes long hours, and in doing so they miss out on spending time with their family. So, should they work more and make more money to provide or work less and make less money to spend time with the family? It’s a tough challenge to strike a balance between the two. Balancing this is the crux of keeping the family as one unit and ensuring everybody’s happiness.

Through all my years of living with my parents I remember the Golden Rule set by my father – ‘No matter where you go or what you do during the day, be home for dinner’. Dinner was considered an exclusive family time in my house. And, my father rarely broke the rule and rarely allowed us to break this rule. That was a time when we would all get together and catch up with each other, and unwind the day’s happenings. There were days when we’d be rolling on the floor with laughter or when we’d be upset with each other over something or when nothing eventful would happen; however that was our pristine family time. That was the time when my father was balancing his role as the husband and father – knowing what’s happening in his wife’s and children’s lives, understanding their needs, giving undivided attention and building lasting memories. I still look back with fond memories of those days and wonder if people still believe in such activities.

Setting priorities is very important when it comes to balancing conflicting interests. While it’s important to fulfill your duties at work, it is equally important to fulfill your duties as a husband and father.

Set an exclusive time for the family, when you can unwind your day and catch up with your family. Divide and plan your activities between activities for the whole family and things that you can do exclusively with your wife. You don’t have to plan anything big. Maybe you can have something like a game night on one day of the week, when the whole family can get together and play some games. With your wife, maybe you could have a lunch date day if feasible.

Offer to take turns with your wife for the pickups and drop-offs. Your wife shouldn’t be the only one that takes your children to their school/classes/play dates. Offer to do that job sometimes, this would not only give your wife a much needed break, but help you connect with your children and know more about their activities.

Be the anchor for your family. Even if you don’t understand why they are upset be supportive of them when they are upset. You can rationalize later, when everyone calms down.

Everyone likes surprises. So, make room for some occasional surprises. Be the “Neighbor’s envy and Family’s pride”.

By

Mary-Ann Roche

Tags: husband and wife relationships

Being a parent is a great joy and with that comes great responsibility to ensure that our upbringing is not lacking and helps our children blossom into good individuals. It’s a very tough balance to maintain between over involving, being overprotective and over indulging to being actively involved, protecting and providing.
Father is the first interface to the male world for a daughter. Having a healthy relationship with your daughter will help mould her into a confident, strong woman, who can make the right choices in life, especially men. Here are a few things you could do to nourish the wonderful relationship with your daughter:
1)    Be progressive in your thinking and the way you deal with your daughter. You cannot always treat her as a child. Make your daughter feel respected and treat her according to her age. She is not always going to be your little princess. Let her grow and feel like the woman she can and wants to be.
2)    Be open in your conversations with your daughter.  Don’t just hear, try to understand and listen to what she has to say. Don’t use harsh words; rationalize with her when you disagree with her choices or actions. Harsh words tend to make a lasting impression on a child and may harm her self-confidence.
3)    Guide her and help her make sensible decisions, but also give her independence. Don’t try to impose your opinions.
4)    Set a good example for your daughter. Treat your daughter’s mother well, whether you are together or not. You cannot show double standards in your treatment of her mother or other women in your life. Your daughter should know that you respect women.
5)    Don’t hesitate from showing affection and expressing your love for your daughter. Knowing that she is loved will give her a sense of security and help her build healthy relationships.
6)    Play an active role and encourage your daughter in all her endeavors. Resist the temptation to over involve.
7)    Discipline her when the need arises and be reasonable when setting boundaries. You can’t control what she is exposed to outside your home, but you can teach her how to handle the outside world.
Values do not change with time; we should always hold onto them and pass them onto the next generation succeeding us. But, the way the values are passed on changes with time and people. Make it a relationship that your daughter can cherish for the rest of her life.

By

Mary-Ann Roche

Tags: father daughter relationship

Tips to Make Your Mornings Easier and More Productive

Are mornings the the most difficult part of your day? Some of us find it tough to get going in the mornings no matter how much sleep we have had.

If you are a Mum and you need to get children dressed, fed and out the door with backpacks and school books, mornings can be very grueling. Now even if you aren’t a morning person, there are some strategies that you can engage that will help you feel motivated and looking forward to the day, as opposed to dreading it.

Try the following tips to help you cope with those challenging early mornings:

1. Get to bed on time the night before to ensure you are getting enough sleep. Of course, sometimes even if you have had your required sleep, you will still feel weary in the morning when you wake, but that may be due to the actual quality of sleep you are getting. This could be the very reasson why you can’t get up with a smile on your face in the mornings. So get to bed on time for a week and monitor yourself in the mornings to determine if you feel any different.

2. Try waking up earlier, I know its the last thing you want to do but this might give you a little more time in the mornings to get organised. If you’re trying to squeeze every possible moment of sleep into your schedule, when you do get up you have to madly rush around, which is too stressful first thing in the morning. Much better to wake up and allow yourself a very quiet, calm moments before your feet hit the floor! Enjoy the sunrise while you have a leisurely cup of coffee, before the rush begins.

3. Preparation. Get organised for the morning the night before. Do whatever you can the night before to make your mornings easily and less stressful.Make sure your keys are in the usual spot, make the lunches and organise the backpacks, and have everyone’s clothes laid out. That way when you wake in the morning there is much less to be stressed about!

4. Turn some music on. My music teacher always taught me to make sure I had music in the house with my children. Nice relaxing music in the morning can be a beautiful way to start your day. It can ease you gently into the day whilst keeping you calm, even if you are busy! Enjoying these first few moments that you’re awake can make a massive difference to your entire day.

5. Meditate. Meditation is great for calming your life down or slowing your life down. It allows you to center yourself and go back to a state of peacefulness which in turn can carry you throughout your day. I would recommend though that you mediate in an upright position so you’re not tempted to fall back asleep.

6. Try to develop a positive mindset. If you have a tendency to be grumpy in the morning, make a conscious decision to start your day in a positive way. Try to imagine the wonderful things that may come your way today. If you have something not so pleasant that you have to face then try to focus on all other aspects of your day which are positive.

7. Be thankful. Start your day by giving thanks for everything you have in your life. Being grateful sets the tone for the day.

If mornings just arent your thing, try to make them easier on yourself and others by remembering to use these strategies and I think you will be surprised at the difference they will make!.

By

MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: Meditation, motivation, reduce stress, rest, Time Management

I spent the weekend interstate visiting my sister, her husband and their 3 beautiful children.  My visits are always hectic and full of precious moments with my little nephews and niece.

We were celebrating my little niece’s 2^nd birthday, so the house was filled with laughter, tears, presents, birthday cake,  grandparents, friends and relatives!  Oh and lots of children!

My time with these precious little ones always seems to slip by too fast, and this morning I awoke early as I had an early flight home to catch.  Noah, my 3 year old nephew woke also as we were camping out together and accompanied his Mum to the airport with me. Yesterday his little sister had been given a “pretend” lipstick for her birthday much to his disgust, so his Mum gave him a “real “half used lipstick and told him that it was his now, and as such he could use it to his hearts content.

On the way to the airport  we chatted and reminisced about the weekend and looking to the back of the people mover I saw my beautiful nephew with ruby red lips courtesy of the gold case he held tightly in his hand.  His Mum and I laughed and I remember thinking just how beautiful he was with his mop of curly red hair and gorgeous blue eyes.  Part of the journey involves about 10 minutes of an underground tunnel and I remember turning around to check on him again once we came out of the tunnel only to find the lipstick had now made its way to both his hands and his entire right leg, and he was madly working on ensuring his left leg would surely match his right.

I remember his Mum’s reaction to this news: “Oh well I did tell him when I gave it to him it was his now and up to him to use it how he wanted”.  I was and continue to be amazed at what a wonderful Mother she is, I don’t know that I would have been that calm 20 something years ago if my children had done that?

I am in awe of how she guides her children to make choices by outlining the consequences of those choices, and it is amazing to watch a 2 year old comprehend!  She recognizes her children as individuals with different thoughts and feelings and likes and dislikes and encourages sibling love and sharing and caring toward others.

While she guides and directs them through life every day, she also encourages their own independence, teaching them responsibility and reward.

My elder nephew who is 5 was working in the garden with his Grandfather the day before and the task was to move toys from the front garden to the back.  They both began gathering the toys and walking back and forth with them until I heard Isaac say to his Grandfather: “I have an idea, how about you collect the toy and bring it to me, I will stand in the middle and then carry that toy to the end, to save  you walking”.  At  5 years of age his problem solving skills were already clearly developing and so was his confidence.  I don’t think when I was 5, my father would have liked me putting forth such a suggestion!

By MaryAnn Roche