I caught up with a friend for a coffee recently and she was telling me how had just had her regular session with her counsellor. Being recently married for the second time she told me there were so many issues surrounding her relationship that regular sessions helped her understand the important aspects of intimacy.
Interestingly enough she handed me a sheet of paper from her Counsellor outlining various aspects of intimacy and asked me if I felt I was ready for a relationship again. Here’s what I read:
Communication Intimacy – Connecting with your partner through talking. Sure I can do that I thought, that’s a no brainer.
Creative Intimacy – Sharing expressions of love in creative ways. Hmm not sure I can remember how to do that, I guess it would come back to me with practise!
Emotional Intimacy – Being in tune with each other’s emotions. Sure I can remember being in tune with someone like that but not convinced I want to be again..
Financial Intimacy – Developing a unified plan for budgeting, spending etc. Well hmm, for a minute there I thought she said financial dependency and I nearly forgot everything then and there and went out and found myself a man! Then I realised it was all about joining funds together and having to discuss what gets spent on what…ah no thanks.
Last but no least, Conflict Intimacy – Facing and struggling with differences together. That’s where I really had to draw the line..Having been in a relationship for a very long time and trusting someone beyond anything to find out when it really mattered, when it was a life or death situation that there was no facing of a struggle together I had to wish for dear friend all the best in her relationship.
Yes negative I know, and perhaps one day I will be ready and willing to understand the complex issues of intimacy in a relationship but until then…its singledom for me!
Children have an incredible capacity to learn. They’re like sponges in the formative years and they easily form memories that they cherish forever.
There are many things you can do in order to build loving ties that stand the test of time. It’s a great way to teach your children trust. When you nurture a positive relationship with your children, it’ll be far more likely that they’ll continue to build happy and healthy relationships as adults in the years ahead.
Here are some ways to forge loving ties with your children:
1. Show them your gratitude. You may feel gratitude for your children always, but it’s what you project to them that really counts. Ensure you verbally and physically show them that gratitude. When you do, they will receive the loving message that you care about them.
2. Demonstrate respect. Respect your children, just as you expect them to respect you. They will come to appreciate the saying, “treat people in the manner in which you would like to be treated”.
3. Love your children unconditionally. There will certainly be times when your children frustrate or disappoint or anger you, but make it clear to them that you still love them irrespective of anything they do. It doesn’t mean you condone their behavior, but it does mean that whenever they do the wrong thing, you still love them no matter what, you simply dont like what they are choosing to do at the time.
4. Make time for your children. It is too easy to become busy with your everyday life and end up doing what needs to be done for your children instead of making the time to actively participate in the activities they enjoy. Ask them what they’d like to do and get involved in their life. This is a great way to bond with your child and to really get to know them.
5. Encourage them. When they face a challenge, this is an opportunity for you to step up and assist. Be there to encourage them in the right direction without being too pushy. Provide them with words of encouragement and let them know how much you believe in their abilities.
6. Help them build confidence and independence. Always remind them that they can accomplish anything with a positive mindset. Encourage independence in your children so they can remain confident and stand on their own to feet, and learn to truly believe in themselves.
7. Listen to your children. They have many important lessons, ideas, and stories to share! When they know that you’re truly listening to them, they also know that you care and love them.
8. Make dinner together. Having meals together as a family is important because many times that’s the only time of day where everyone can be together. Rather than silence or making small talk, use the opportunity to share love and support and to talk about their day. Use this time once again to get to know them a little better, while teaching them the importance of this loving time that is set aside everyday in their lives. Later in life, your children will cherish these wonderful family dinners.
9. Lock in family time. Establish regular opportunities dedicated to building memories with your family. Have each family member choose an activity to enjoy together. Laughing and having fun with one another will help to build ties that last forever.
When you use these tips to show your family how much you care, the feelings are more likely to become mutual.
Spend individual one on one time with each member of your family and get involved in each other’s lives so as to connect on a deeper level. It is these moments you children will carry with them to adulthood and pass on to their children.
Tips to Make Your Mornings Easier and More Productive
Are mornings the the most difficult part of your day? Some of us find it tough to get going in the mornings no matter how much sleep we have had.
If you are a Mum and you need to get children dressed, fed and out the door with backpacks and school books, mornings can be very grueling. Now even if you aren’t a morning person, there are some strategies that you can engage that will help you feel motivated and looking forward to the day, as opposed to dreading it.
Try the following tips to help you cope with those challenging early mornings:
1. Get to bed on time the night before to ensure you are getting enough sleep. Of course, sometimes even if you have had your required sleep, you will still feel weary in the morning when you wake, but that may be due to the actual quality of sleep you are getting. This could be the very reasson why you can’t get up with a smile on your face in the mornings. So get to bed on time for a week and monitor yourself in the mornings to determine if you feel any different.
2. Try waking up earlier, I know its the last thing you want to do but this might give you a little more time in the mornings to get organised. If you’re trying to squeeze every possible moment of sleep into your schedule, when you do get up you have to madly rush around, which is too stressful first thing in the morning. Much better to wake up and allow yourself a very quiet, calm moments before your feet hit the floor! Enjoy the sunrise while you have a leisurely cup of coffee, before the rush begins.
3. Preparation. Get organised for the morning the night before. Do whatever you can the night before to make your mornings easily and less stressful.Make sure your keys are in the usual spot, make the lunches and organise the backpacks, and have everyone’s clothes laid out. That way when you wake in the morning there is much less to be stressed about!
4. Turn some music on. My music teacher always taught me to make sure I had music in the house with my children. Nice relaxing music in the morning can be a beautiful way to start your day. It can ease you gently into the day whilst keeping you calm, even if you are busy! Enjoying these first few moments that you’re awake can make a massive difference to your entire day.
5. Meditate. Meditation is great for calming your life down or slowing your life down. It allows you to center yourself and go back to a state of peacefulness which in turn can carry you throughout your day. I would recommend though that you mediate in an upright position so you’re not tempted to fall back asleep.
6. Try to develop a positive mindset. If you have a tendency to be grumpy in the morning, make a conscious decision to start your day in a positive way. Try to imagine the wonderful things that may come your way today. If you have something not so pleasant that you have to face then try to focus on all other aspects of your day which are positive.
7. Be thankful. Start your day by giving thanks for everything you have in your life. Being grateful sets the tone for the day.
If mornings just arent your thing, try to make them easier on yourself and others by remembering to use these strategies and I think you will be surprised at the difference they will make!.
I spent the weekend interstate visiting my sister, her husband and their 3 beautiful children. My visits are always hectic and full of precious moments with my little nephews and niece.
We were celebrating my little niece’s 2nd birthday, so the house was filled with laughter, tears, presents, birthday cake, grandparents, friends and relatives! Oh and lots of children!
My time with these precious little ones always seems to slip by too fast, and this morning I awoke early as I had an early flight home to catch. Noah, my 3 year old nephew woke also as we were camping out together and accompanied his Mum to the airport with me. Yesterday his little sister had been given a “pretend” lipstick for her birthday much to his disgust, so his Mum gave him a “real “half used lipstick and told him that it was his now, and as such he could use it to his hearts content.
On the way to the airport we chatted and reminisced about the weekend and looking to the back of the people mover I saw my beautiful nephew with ruby red lips courtesy of the gold case he held tightly in his hand. His Mum and I laughed and I remember thinking just how beautiful he was with his mop of curly red hair and gorgeous blue eyes. Part of the journey involves about 10 minutes of an underground tunnel and I remember turning around to check on him again once we came out of the tunnel only to find the lipstick had now made its way to both his hands and his entire right leg, and he was madly working on ensuring his left leg would surely match his right.
I remember his Mum’s reaction to this news: “Oh well I did tell him when I gave it to him it was his now and up to him to use it how he wanted”. I was and continue to be amazed at what a wonderful Mother she is, I don’t know that I would have been that calm 20 something years ago if my children had done that?
I am in awe of how she guides her children to make choices by outlining the consequences of those choices, and it is amazing to watch a 2 year old comprehend! She recognizes her children as individuals with different thoughts and feelings and likes and dislikes and encourages sibling love and sharing and caring toward others.
While she guides and directs them through life every day, she also encourages their own independence, teaching them responsibility and reward.
My elder nephew who is 5 was working in the garden with his Grandfather the day before and the task was to move toys from the front garden to the back. They both began gathering the toys and walking back and forth with them until I heard Isaac say to his Grandfather: “I have an idea, how about you collect the toy and bring it to me, I will stand in the middle and then carry that toy to the end, to save you walking”. At 5 years of age his problem solving skills were already clearly developing and so was his confidence. I don’t think when I was 5, my father would have liked me putting forth such a suggestion!
For those of you who are the same vintage as I am, you would remember this as a very popular song title. It may bring back some very different memories of a time when things seemed much simpler and life was generally pretty easy. Our youthful memories, should be filled with heady romances and first kisses. Sadly though, we form habits in relationships, that are hard to break, or routines that are hard to put behind us.
We all at around the age of twenty to twenty five start to mature and partners or relationships that once we thought were sweet and tender, suddenly become manipulative and controlling. We can feel this happening but tend to keep telling ourselves that our partner is tired, stressed or even worse, we are doing things to make them unhappy and insecure. Mind you, this behavior is not age restrictive. I have to say that I know many people in their 40′s, 50′s even 60′s who are still repeating this pattern, over and over again. This type of relationship is very hard to walk away from, especially if you have a soft easy going nature, or have self esteem issues. You start to think that this is what you deserve. WRONG!
Rarely do you see strong confident types of people caught up in relationships they are not enjoying, they have the strength and self confidence to make a life for themselves, with or without a partner. If you ever find yourself in a situation where everyone around you can see these signs and they are prepared to put themselves in a vulnerable position by addressing it with you, be rest assured this comes from a place of love. Nobody wants to sabotage your happiness, least of all those who love you.
Naturally, everyone one will come across someone they think is unsuitable for their friend, daughter, son, parent, BUT if this is the majority and not the minority then we really need to take stock, listen and find the strength to move on. The old adage that “Life is too Short” is very true indeed.
Each new day is a gift and not a given.
Naturally, every aspect of our lives cannot possibly be perfect, but the person we choose to be ‘The One’, should make our heart skip a beat, make the room light up when they smile. Life offers us no guarantees, so we need to be as certain, as we can be of the person we choose to be our lover and our friend. God created something wonderful and unique, YOU!. You would not buy a BMW for your worst neighbour, so don’t give the greatest asset you have to someone undeserving.
Walking away from something that isn’t working takes an awful lot of inner strength and it is so much easier to stay and keep the peace, your partners peace, not yours long term. Find the inner strength, combine it with the love and support from family and friends and you will soon be on your way to a happier, healthier life, with or without a partner.
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