People change and with that so do relationships change over the years. The only relationship that remains constant and where there are no equations is that of a parent-child. It is pure and blissful and the bond only grows with the years. Yes, I do agree that it is a great responsibility too, where there are good days and bad days. I think this ancient African adage “It takes a village to raise a child” sums up parenthood very well. We build a network of family and friends and neighbors as a part of our community. This community supports our efforts in raising our family.
As parents we do make a lot of adjustments and compromises and work towards providing for and taking care of our children. But, the fruitful joys of parenthood make the pains worth going through. After a long, stressful day at work the only thing that I look forward to and that brings a smile to my face is seeing my son. Without sounding too dramatic, I would say that all the day’s problems and worries become trivial when I see my son; it’s like all my issues just melt away. I always feel that children are a blessing and a joy to have. Having a child has given me a purpose and direction in life. I am motivated to live my life and fulfill my duties as a parent.
Just like in any relationship, there are disagreements and differences between a parent and child, but at the end of the day both know that they love each other. No matter how upset I am with my son, I always make it a point to tell him, “I maybe angry with you and yell at you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I love you a lot.” Reassurance makes a child feel secure, loved and wanted.
All the innocence, hugs and kisses is what we will remember, even after our children grow up. The moments we spend with our children are the most memorable and will not come back, because even before you know it they’re all grown up.
You must be wondering what the purpose of this post is. I wanted to write something positive and encouraging for parents, who make so many sacrifices to bring up their children. We sometimes may not be considered the best qualified people for parenthood, but we do our best to provide and support our children and that makes each one of us the best parents.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Men are usually faced with a conflicting situation – To provide for the wife and child(ren) a man has to work, sometimes long hours, and in doing so they miss out on spending time with their family. So, should they work more and make more money to provide or work less and make less money to spend time with the family? It’s a tough challenge to strike a balance between the two. Balancing this is the crux of keeping the family as one unit and ensuring everybody’s happiness.

Through all my years of living with my parents I remember the Golden Rule set by my father – ‘No matter where you go or what you do during the day, be home for dinner’. Dinner was considered an exclusive family time in my house. And, my father rarely broke the rule and rarely allowed us to break this rule. That was a time when we would all get together and catch up with each other, and unwind the day’s happenings. There were days when we’d be rolling on the floor with laughter or when we’d be upset with each other over something or when nothing eventful would happen; however that was our pristine family time. That was the time when my father was balancing his role as the husband and father – knowing what’s happening in his wife’s and children’s lives, understanding their needs, giving undivided attention and building lasting memories. I still look back with fond memories of those days and wonder if people still believe in such activities.

Setting priorities is very important when it comes to balancing conflicting interests. While it’s important to fulfill your duties at work, it is equally important to fulfill your duties as a husband and father.

Set an exclusive time for the family, when you can unwind your day and catch up with your family. Divide and plan your activities between activities for the whole family and things that you can do exclusively with your wife. You don’t have to plan anything big. Maybe you can have something like a game night on one day of the week, when the whole family can get together and play some games. With your wife, maybe you could have a lunch date day if feasible.

Offer to take turns with your wife for the pickups and drop-offs. Your wife shouldn’t be the only one that takes your children to their school/classes/play dates. Offer to do that job sometimes, this would not only give your wife a much needed break, but help you connect with your children and know more about their activities.

Be the anchor for your family. Even if you don’t understand why they are upset be supportive of them when they are upset. You can rationalize later, when everyone calms down.

Everyone likes surprises. So, make room for some occasional surprises. Be the “Neighbor’s envy and Family’s pride”.

By

Mary-Ann Roche

Being a parent is a great joy and with that comes great responsibility to ensure that our upbringing is not lacking and helps our children blossom into good individuals. It’s a very tough balance to maintain between over involving, being overprotective and over indulging to being actively involved, protecting and providing.
Father is the first interface to the male world for a daughter. Having a healthy relationship with your daughter will help mould her into a confident, strong woman, who can make the right choices in life, especially men. Here are a few things you could do to nourish the wonderful relationship with your daughter:
1)    Be progressive in your thinking and the way you deal with your daughter. You cannot always treat her as a child. Make your daughter feel respected and treat her according to her age. She is not always going to be your little princess. Let her grow and feel like the woman she can and wants to be.
2)    Be open in your conversations with your daughter.  Don’t just hear, try to understand and listen to what she has to say. Don’t use harsh words; rationalize with her when you disagree with her choices or actions. Harsh words tend to make a lasting impression on a child and may harm her self-confidence.
3)    Guide her and help her make sensible decisions, but also give her independence. Don’t try to impose your opinions.
4)    Set a good example for your daughter. Treat your daughter’s mother well, whether you are together or not. You cannot show double standards in your treatment of her mother or other women in your life. Your daughter should know that you respect women.
5)    Don’t hesitate from showing affection and expressing your love for your daughter. Knowing that she is loved will give her a sense of security and help her build healthy relationships.
6)    Play an active role and encourage your daughter in all her endeavors. Resist the temptation to over involve.
7)    Discipline her when the need arises and be reasonable when setting boundaries. You can’t control what she is exposed to outside your home, but you can teach her how to handle the outside world.
Values do not change with time; we should always hold onto them and pass them onto the next generation succeeding us. But, the way the values are passed on changes with time and people. Make it a relationship that your daughter can cherish for the rest of her life.

By

Mary-Ann Roche

I caught up with a friend for a coffee recently and she was telling me how had just had her regular session with her counsellor.  Being  recently married for the second time she told me there were so many issues surrounding her relationship that regular sessions helped her understand the important aspects of intimacy.

Interestingly enough she handed me a sheet of paper from her Counsellor outlining various aspects of intimacy and asked me if I felt I was ready for a relationship again.  Here’s what I read:

Communication Intimacy – Connecting with your partner through talking.  Sure I can do that I thought, that’s a no brainer.

Creative Intimacy – Sharing expressions of love in creative ways.  Hmm not sure I can remember how to do that, I guess it would come back to me with practise!

Emotional Intimacy – Being in tune with each other’s emotions.  Sure I can remember being in tune with someone like that but not convinced I want to be again..

Financial Intimacy – Developing a unified plan for budgeting, spending etc.  Well hmm, for a minute there I thought she said financial dependency and I nearly forgot everything then and there and went out and found myself a man!  Then I realised it was all about joining funds together and having to discuss what gets spent on what…ah no thanks.

Last but no least, Conflict Intimacy – Facing and struggling with differences together.  That’s where I really had to draw the line..Having been in a relationship for a very long time and trusting someone beyond anything to find out when it really mattered, when it was a life or death situation that there was no facing of a struggle together I had to wish for dear friend all the best in her relationship.

Yes negative I know, and perhaps one day I will be ready and willing to understand the complex issues of intimacy in a relationship but until then…its singledom for me!

By

Mary-Ann Roche.

Children have an incredible capacity to learn. They’re like sponges in the formative years and they easily form memories that they cherish forever.

There are many things you can do in order to build loving ties that stand the test of time. It’s a great way to teach your children trust. When you nurture a positive relationship with your children, it’ll be far more likely that they’ll continue to build happy and healthy relationships as adults in the years ahead.

Here are some ways to forge loving ties with your children:

1. Show them your gratitude. You may feel gratitude for your children always, but it’s what you project to them that really counts. Ensure you verbally and physically show them that gratitude. When you do, they will receive the loving message that you care about them.

2. Demonstrate respect. Respect your children, just as you expect them to respect you. They will come to appreciate the saying, “treat people in the manner in which you would like to be treated”.

3. Love your children unconditionally. There will certainly be times when your children frustrate or disappoint or anger you, but make it clear to them that you still love them irrespective of anything they do. It doesn’t mean you condone their behavior, but it does mean that whenever they do the wrong thing, you still love them no matter what, you simply dont like what they are choosing to do at the time.

4. Make time for your children. It is too easy to become busy with your everyday life and end up doing what needs to be done for your children instead of making the time to actively participate in the activities they enjoy. Ask them what they’d like to do and get involved in their life. This is a great way to bond with your child and to really get to know them.

5. Encourage them. When they face a challenge, this is an opportunity for you to step up and assist. Be there to encourage them in the right direction without being too pushy. Provide them with words of encouragement and let them know how much you believe in their abilities.

6. Help them build confidence and independence. Always remind them that they can accomplish anything with a positive mindset. Encourage independence in your children so they can remain confident and stand on their own to feet, and learn to truly believe in themselves.

7. Listen to your children. They have many important lessons, ideas, and stories to share! When they know that you’re truly listening to them, they also know that you care and love them.

8. Make dinner together. Having meals together as a family is important because many times that’s the only time of day where everyone can be together. Rather than silence or making small talk, use the opportunity to share love and support and to talk about their day. Use this time once again to get to know them a little better, while teaching them the importance of this loving time that is set aside everyday in their lives.  Later in life, your children will cherish these wonderful family dinners.

9. Lock in family time. Establish regular opportunities dedicated to building memories with your family. Have each family member choose an activity to enjoy together. Laughing and having fun with one another will help to build ties that last forever.

When you use these tips to show your family how much you care, the feelings are more likely to become mutual.

Spend individual one on one time with each member of your family and get involved in each other’s lives so as to connect on a deeper level. It is these moments you children will carry with them to adulthood and pass on to their children.

By MaryAnn Roche