Coping with anger from anyone can be tough. However, when anger is coming from someone dear to you, it can be especially difficult to deal with.

If someone you love is showing anger now, or continues to show anger on a frequent basis, you must resist the urge to fight fire with fire. Fighting back will only make the situation explode and you and your loved one will find it increasingly difficult to come to a resolution.

Coping with Anger Tips:

1. Avoid reacting immediately. You shouldn’t let yourself explode with a burst of emotion. Anger can get heated quickly and you don’t want to respond rashly, whether it’s with anger, sadness, or resentment.

* Allow yourself time to cool down so you can approach the situation calmly and rationally.

2. Refuse to take things personally. There’s no doubt about it, this is hard to do when a loved one is hurling mud your way. It’s easier to avoid taking it personally from colleagues and strangers, but for those close to you, it’s hard not to take their opinions personally.

* Talk to your loved one about what they said. Explain how you see their actions as personal attacks. If they didn’t intend it as one, they’ll have a chance to explain themselves. 


* If they did mean to personally attack you, it’s important to work out the issue. What can you do to improve the situation so these outbursts won’t happen again?

3. Admit the problem. It’s also important for your loved one to admit that they have a problem with anger if it’s recurring. They may say they have control over it, but it’s only a matter of time before it flares up again and causes deeper wounds.

4. Help them cool down. Whether the anger is directed toward you or another person, step in and help them cool down before they lose control and let anger take over. While you may like them to develop these skills independently as they practice on their own, they may need your assistance in the beginning. You can help them reflect on their thoughts and feelings before they act.

5. Identify feelings. People don’t just immediately burst out in anger without a flood of emotions first. Help your loved one identify their triggers so they can put a halt on anger before it starts.

6. Teach healthy anger expressions. Anger is a part of life. However, it’s how we react and deal with anger that’s important.

Expressing Your Anger Appropriately:

* Write in a journal.
* Exercise – go for a jog or run when anger arises.
* Count to 10 and take several deep breaths before reacting.
* Practice relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation.
* Express anger through art.
* Focus on the good of a situation.

It’s important to discover a coping mechanism that works for your loved one.

But remember Anger Management is as individual as anger itself. (explained here)

At the same time, you shouldn’t get lost in your loved one’s struggle with anger. You can go over some of the healthy anger expression techniques and implement them yourself as well. By becoming a model for your loved one, it just may be what they need to change. But if their anger turns violent, remove yourself from the situation immediately and seek professional help.

By helping your loved one learn and grow, you just may be able to strengthen your relationship and developer a lasting bond.

By

MaryAnn Roche

Tags: Anger, anger exercises, anger management, controlling anger, managing anger

7 Anger Management  Exercises to Help you Remain Calm

Mastering anger management is about being in charge of your emotions and taking the time to stop and think prior to speaking out. If you fail to control your anger you may very well destroy important relationships with those around you leading possibly to physical and certainly emotional damage and you will undoubtedly, harm yourself in the process.

Before looking at 7 Anger management exercises lets take a look at anger and what is represents.  Always reported to be a “bad” or “wrong” emotion we need to understand that anger does in fact serve a purpose, and is there to tell us that something is really wrong. Anger really is a failure to express one’s emotions in an appropriate and productive manner and outlined below are some anger management exercises designed to help you keep a cool head.

1. Don’t React. Take the time to think about any previous situations that have gotten you into trouble in the past. At the time you probably reacted immediately to the issue in an angry manner.  Remember that whenever you are presented with a situation that is stressful to you, do not react.  Stop and think through what is really happening, decide how you feel about it and then decide how you are going to act.

2. Breathe. If you are in a situation where you have let your emotions gain control and you are feeling extremely angry, then take the time to stop and breathe, slow breaths in and out until you are able to regain control and get back into this mindset of emotional control.

Try this “at home” study course – “Regaining Control of Your Anger“.

3. Don’t Worry quite so much about other people. Sometimes we get very caught up in how other people perceive us and what opinion they have of us. When this happens and we try to please everyone and make everyone happy, we tend to forget about ourselves which can in turn leave us feeling angry and resentful.

4. Include Exercise in your Life. A consistent and regular exercise routine can help you to release pent up emotions and frustrations. If you feel anger welling up inside, you can always take yourself for a walk or a run, or a game of golf, anything that is an avenue for releasing that anger in a healthy way.

5. Never Hold a Grudge. Holding a grudge against someone, even it is truly warranted, only ends up hurting you at the end of the day.  Try to practice the art of forgiving and forgetting. In some instances this may be very difficult to do, but will actually bring peace into your life.

6. Learn the Art of Relaxation. If you are tired and stressed, anger has a tendency to arise more often. Relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga, soaking in a bath, deep breathing exercises, listening to music – are all strategies to help you to relax.

Pick up your copy of Deep Zen Meditation CD here..and begin learning the art of relaxation.

7. Learn How to Appropriately Express your Anger. When you feel anger, the trick is to try to identify why you are feeling it, what does it really mean?  Then you must quickly try to express this anger appropriately, causing minimal damage to yourself and to others. Remember suppressing your anger is not the answer, and this could over time, make things much worse and can lead to issues with depression and more.

I find that generally speaking, when I’m angry its more to do with fear than anything else.  So next time you feel angry STOP and try to identify with what the real issue is.

Children and Anger

I am sure we all from time to time have watched in horror at the degree to which our children young and old can display their anger.  I know my own children could get extremely angry and upset and throw tantrums when they were little.  It is very difficult to try to talk to and reason with a very young child and we have to rely upon their body language to try and assess the situation and determine what is causing the leve of anger they are experiencing.  Really easy to do isn’t it when you have a 2 year old SCREAMING THE HOUSE DOWN!

Likewise the same can be said of teenagers and young adults.  It is often very difficult to determine what is causing their anger and it could be any one of a thousand things.

The most important thing though is to teach our children appropriateness in terms of expressing their anger.  Yes it is perfectly normal healthy to experience anger as an emotion however it is not acceptable if that anger involves inflicting physical or emotional pain on another.

A really good resource that you can listen to in the comfort of your own home is a 75-minute audio recording by Parenting Expert Toni Schutta where she talks about the typical anger triggers for children, calming techniques to use and really understanding what anger is all about.  I would recommend you give it a try – “Children’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping.”-grab your copy here.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Tags: Anger, anger exercises, anger management, fear, Meditation, relaxation, relaxation techniques, yoga