Personal Development and Self-Help Education » Love & Relationships

A Mother is an Angel

Maryann — Fri, 06 May 2011 15:48:11 +0000

Hi friends! How are you? Allow me to share something that happened recently. While I was taking coffee in a cafe, I saw a teenager answering back and cussing his old mom who was reprimanding him. Many people witnessed the incident. Some people walking in the street stopped. They were disturbed and alarmed. I feel that there were people who would like to help and intermediate. It was really a humiliating and embarrassing situation. There were mixed feelings and reactions from people who saw what happened. I only had one feeling then. I pity the child for he does not know how to treat well and respect the person who carried him in her womb for 9 months, took care of him for years and loves him so much. I feel sorry for the old mother for the humiliation, hurting words and disrespectful gesture she received from the person for whom she sacrificed her life, time and resources. This incident made me think of my own mother.
I’m so blessed that I have a mother whose love for me is unfathomable. She has been by my side since I was born. She is ready to lend her listening ears when I have stories and problems to share. She extends her shoulders where I can cry on when I’m down and hurting. She offers her hand when I need assistance and help. Even though I hurt and disappoint her sometimes, she continues to forgive and accept me. Nothing can be compared to the selfless love she has for me. I won’t exchange her for something/someone else. To me she is the greatest mom in the world. At present, I miss her so much. I have my own family now. And we live in a separate house. Though we are far from her, I make it a point to visit her regularly and greet her on special days. She is my exemplar of character, good values, maternal love and good parenting. And so, I am trying to be like her in the way I rear and take care of my kids.
Mothers’ Day is an opportune time for us to give honor to our mothers who play a vital and significant role in our lives. Without them, we would not be here. Without their love and care, we would not become good persons. On this day, we give back to our mothers the love and care they have given us. Let’s make this day a special and memorable one for them. Let them feel that they are loved. No matter happens they will forever be etched in our hearts. Indeed, they are angels in human form! They are heaven-sent!
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The Power of Touch

Maryann — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 07:55:16 +0000

While I was doing the chores at home and my kid was watching his favorite cartoon show, I overheard a line from Winnie the Pooh, “There’s no such thing as too much hug!” This simple line made me think of the importance of body gestures in relationships. Oftentimes I see people expressing their love through gestures which may seem insignificant and meaningless, but may have have a great impact and effect in relationships. A mother hugging her crying baby may give the baby security and comfort. A father patting the back of his child with low self-esteem may help his child to believe in himself, and encourage him to give his best. A stranger introducing himself and shaking the hand of another person may send a message of trust and commitment. A couple’s kiss may express their love, intimacy and passion. Giving a person a high five may brighten and make his day. These are just some of the many gestures we can use to express our feelings and emotions. The body is a channel and extension of our thoughts and emotions.
Each person is gifted with 5 senses, namely sight, hearing, speech, smell and touch. We use our eyes to see, our ears to hear, our lips to speak and our nose to smell. Each of the aforementioned senses is limited only to a single sense organ. But, the sense of touch is not merely limited to the fingers, but can be felt and activated in almost all areas of the body. Every area of the body is covered with receptors which are responsible for our sensation and feeling. Once a receptor is pressed and activated, it sends a message to the brain via nerves. The brain interprets the message as hard or soft, hot or cold, light or heavy, smooth or rough, etc. The sense of touch is so special compared with other senses.
According to experts, touch has psychological and pathological effects. Touching eases pain and lessens anxiety. A body message releases stress. A warm touch of a parent may boost a child’s self-esteem. Touching another person brings about medical benefits such as slowing the heart rate, dropping blood pressure and speeding recovery from illness. No wonder why both ancient and modern healers have to touch a sick person in curing a him/her. There is power in touching! These are just some of the many wonders of touch.
Touch is a love language. It is a meaningful and physical expression of one’s love. It can actually communicate love and care 10 times louder than words, and 10 times clearer than gifts. Touch is so powerful, that it can make or break a relationship. And so, we need to use it well. I’ve heard reports of couples who got separated due to physical abuse, that is, abuse in touch, like slapping, hitting, punching, kicking, etc. This abuse should not be tolerated because it does not build healthy relationship. Body gestures that hurt are manifestations of anger, unforgiveness, violence, lust and hatred inside a person’s heart. On a positive note, touch contributes to the deepening of intimacy and strengthening of love in a relationship. The heart can’t contain the feelings, and so there is a need to express it through a kiss, a hug, a touch, a pat, a handshake, a caress, etc.
Who among your loved ones need to be loved through this language? It’s time to get out of our comfort zone, reach out and spread love. Give your spouse a morning kiss. Embrace your kids when they go to bed. Hold the hands of our friends. Shake the hands of your co-workers. Put your hands on the shoulders of your parents. Touch hearts! Love people today!
You might be surprised, your touch may not merely bring about love, but healing, therapy, comfort and joy as well. Use the power of touch in your relationships and you will see them grow and blossom before your eyes! Let’s listen to Winnie the Pooh’s words of wisdom, “There is no such a thing as too much hug!”
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How compatible are you and the person you are with? How would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets does not mean that you can have a blissful, long-term relationship. Do you know why your mate does or doesn’t attend church? Do you know how they really think about the way you dress? Have you ever asked your partner what are the three most sensitive parts on their body?
“An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions”
Several months ago, a friend of mine discovered that her husband was once a heroin addict. When she asked him why he didn’t tell her before, he replied, “You never asked!”

Labor of Love

Maryann — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 14:46:01 +0000

Actions speak louder than words. Although my parents will not say it, I believe that this is their favorite motto. I seldom hear them saying “I love you.” But, I can truly feel that they love me through the things they are doing for me.
First, let’s talk about my loving mom. Every time I visit her home, she always cooks and serves me my favorite dishes. Since I live in a separate home with my kids, I still miss the things that my mom is doing for us, her children. What my mom has been doing for our family is still fresh in my mind. Her day starts early. She used to cook our breakfast before we go to school. While we are taking our meal, she would prepare our school uniform and the bags we would bring to school. When we leave for school, she would wash the dishes and clean the entire house. At midmorning, she would cook lunch for my father and my younger siblings, then washes the dishes afterwards. In the afternoon, she would go to the grocery store to buy items and food that will be needed for the next day. Then, she prepares our appetizing dinner in the evening, and washes the dishes after dinner. She even manages to help us in our assignments and lessons in school. If there will still be time, she will wash the clothes, and iron them. She retires late at night. This has been her daily routine for many years. She never gets tired, bored and burned out. Why? It is a labor of love.
Now, let’s talk about my responsible father. He is always there to help me. I can still remember him driving us to school every morning and fetching us in the afternoon when my siblings and I were still studying. My dad is just a call away. When my car got towed, he rushed to the place few minutes after I had called him. When my kid got locked up in the bedroom, he came to the rescue. During my first year of living in a separate house, he extended his assistance to us in fixing plumbing and electrical problems. That’s my dad! He never runs our of energy to help us. Why? It’s a labor of love!
There are people who express their love through acts of service. They do them without being told, because it is their nature and their love language. They feel content, fulfilled, happy and appreciated when they serve people. Loving acts are living expressions of love. They have more impact and more meaning. They will never be forgotten. They will forever be etched in the hearts of people dear to you.
Be creative in serving your loved ones. Surprise them! Know what they like. Love them in the way they want to be loved. Get out of your comfort zone and invest in your relationships. Serve your spouse a breakfast in bed. Pause from your busy schedule, and accompany your kids in their sports events, dance contests or buying their clothes. Help your friends in their chores. Feed and take care of a sick family member. Pay your parents a visit, give them a relaxing massage. Bear in mind that actions speak louder than words. Words are not enough. They should be translated into actions to make love real and tangible.
When is the last time you served your spouse, your kids, your family and loved ones? What’s the last deed you have done out of love? Here’s the challenge for you. Create a list of acts of service you plan to do for your loved ones. At the end of the week, check what you will be able to accomplish. Expect that your relationships will never be the same again!

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Tokens of Love

Maryann — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 16:29:52 +0000

Hi! I want to tell you something about my special friend. Since we became friends, I have been her shopping companion. Every month, she invites me to accompany her in going to malls and stores, and buy stuff like cards, home decorations, shirts, perfume, food, jewelries and other things. Even though she does not have enough money sometimes, she makes it a point to shop once a month. Out of curiosity, I asked her about this intriguing monthly hobby of her. “What are these for? When will you use them?” I was surprised by her answer, “I will not use them.” “What!”, I replied, “Why are you buying things if you won’t use them? Why are you wasting your money?” With a smile on her face she answered, “They are not mine. I will give them to my friends and loved ones.” After years of accompanying her in shopping, it’s only then when I discovered that she does not miss sending gifts to her loved ones and friends on their birthdays, special occasions and holidays. She loves giving gifts as expression of her love and appreciation for a person. I believe that this is also her love language. The way we often express our love to your friends is the way we want to be loved as well.
Gifts are concrete, visible and tangible expressions of our love for others. The price of the gift does not matter. In the language of love, a brand new car has the same value as a simple card. It is the thoughts that count. What is important is that you remember the person on his/her special day. Have you experienced being ignored, left out and abandoned? It’s also the feeling when special days that mean to you are forgotten by people dear to you. There are many people in a relationship who broke up for not being remembered and not receiving gifts on their birthdays. There are many married couples who separated for consistent disregard, and not receiving gifts on their anniversaries. There are many friends who fought for not greeting each other and not receiving gifts during holidays. It may seem simple and small, but it means a lot to people whose love language is receiving gifts. It’s the fuel to his love tank. It’s the fire that ignites his heart. It’s the energy that animates his life. It’s the oxygen that sustains him. It’s everything to him.
When is the last time you sent gifts to your loved ones? It’s time to express your love concretely through gifts. Invest in your relationship! In the end, it’s the love we share that will last and count. I personally recommend this website. Check out great gifts at affordable prices you can send your loved ones.

LOVE is spelled as T..I..M..E..

Maryann — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 17:22:03 +0000

One time, my 15-year old nephew asked me a question that surprised me. I was not expecting that he would ask me this question, “Does my father love me?” I did not see any valid reason for him to ask me this. Without second thoughts, I answered “Yes, of course, he loves you so much.” Then, I began rationalizing, groping for answers and providing explanations to convince him that his father loves him very much. I told him that his father has been working hard just to provide for his needs. During birthdays, holidays and special occasions his father would never forget to give him gifts. His father would give him any amount of money he would ask from him. His father sent him to a prestigious school for him to have a good education and bright future. His father would buy him expensive branded clothes. His father hired 2 nannies who would take care of him. I even told my nephew that he is luckier that other kids because he has a dad who is a responsible person and good provider. After hours of debate and persuasion that seemed would not end, he did not change his conviction as if he did not hear anything from me. He still doubted his father’s love for him. Why?
Since I was not able to convince him after all the efforts of I did, I asked him the reason for asking the question. He gave me a simple answer that made me rethink, “I have all the things that I need, but my father is not always there for me.” This shocked me and made me pause and reflect. I realized that my nephew has a point. What would he do with all the expensive stuff and the large amount of money he has if he seldom sees his father. Even though his father is so sincere in expressing his love to my nephew through gifts this love will not be appreciated and recognized. For a long time the father has not loving his child in the way the child wants to be loved. And so, the child does not feel his love. Quality time is love language of the child.
Quality time is spending time with each other with undivided attention. It’s not simply eating together, playing together, or doing something together. It’ “being” together. It’s a “being-to-being” encounter, a person-to-person encounter. The activities we do together may not matter more. It’t the quality of time we spend together. The activities that we do are just opportunities or instruments through we can share ourselves with each other. It’s not the quantity of time that matters, but the quality of time.
When we spend quality time with our loved ones, we enter into another world where there are no paper works, deadlines, meetings, work stress, business pressure, memos, etc. It’s a realm where only you and your loved ones exist. We share our stories, joys, griefs, sorrows, dreams, triumphs, secrets, and our very own selves with each other. No phone calls, worries, fears, customers, bosses, etc. can disturb us. It’s a radical stop from the daily routine of life. It’s a special world where love, joy, peace and intimacy overflow. A minute of Quality Time cannot be compared with a thousand days of Time spent with divided attention and disruptions!
How much QUALITY TIME have you spent with your loved ones? It’s time to invest you time in your relationships!
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The Mouth Speaks out of the Abundance of the Heart

Maryann — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 16:47:39 +0000

Let me ask you to do something for a moment. Follow the directions carefully. Close your eyes. Think of 3 things that you like most about yourself…..(pause)…Don’t be in hurry… Take you time… If you’re done thinking of them, think of another set of 3 good things about yourself…….. (pause)… If you’re done, think of 3 more gifts and talents that you have…..(pause)… Think of another set of three…..(pause)… Don’t stop thinking of another set of three until I ask you stop…. (pause for 5 minutes)
STOP!
Did you have difficulty doing the simple activity? Why?
Are comfortable doing it? Why?
Were you surprised of what you’ve thought of? Why?
I guess most of us are not used to this kind of activity. Why? Because the things we thought of earlier are different from what we hear from people around us, and contradictory to our parents and loved ones have been telling us. “You’re no good!” “You can’t do it!” “You’re the worst person I’ve ever met!” “You’re the biggest mistake that ever happened in my life!” “You’re lazy and irresponsible!” “You’re an idiot!”
There are problems in a relationship because there are some words that should not be said, but uttered, and things that need to be said which are left unsaid due to complacency and fear of rejection.
The first love language is Words of Affirmation. There are people who are hungry and thirsty to hear
words that will compliment and affirm them, that will bring out the best in them and that will appreciate their beauty and goodness. A simple “thank you” may express appreciation for one’s efforts. A “You can do it” remark may encourage and motivate someone to pursue his goal. A “very good” comment may challenge someone to give his best. Don’t be stingy in affirming your friends and love ones. Words can make and transform a person. Words can give life and hope. Words can inspire people. And so, what are you waiting for? Open you lips, tell your spouse, your kids, your friends, your parents, your co-workers and the people around you how special, beautiful and awesome they are.
Words fuel, animate and energize a relationship. Verbal communication is essential in strengthening your relationship! Speak your partner’s love language! Affirm and appreciate him/her!

I’m recommending this book. Check it out and know the love language of your kids.

Take the Love Language Test!

Maryann — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 05:27:20 +0000

Love is a universal language. It is understood and expressed by anyone despite the differences in culture, condition, gender, age, status, language/dialect, beliefs and personality. Wherever you go and what the time/period is, love is in the air! We cannot but love. It’s the very reason for existence! It gives meaning, color and significance to life. What is life is you don’t have anyone to share it with!

Though love can be understood by anyone, in a relationship it needs to be expressed appropriately. This is the reason that we are encouraged to know our love language and our partner’s/friends’. It is a key to a healthy, deep and meaningful relationship. By the way, here is the love language test I promised you. Please click on the link, and take the test. Enjoy loving! Live LOVE and LOVE life!

LOVE LANGUAGE TEST

Know Your Love Language

Maryann — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 13:22:43 +0000

Hi friend! I’ve heard of news of couples who used to be filled with love, and who passionately loved each other, but eventually got separated. The sparks on their eyes which they had when they first met dwindled and lasted only for a couple of years. Their hearts which were once on fire, ended up cold and apathetic. They used to kiss and embrace each other. Saying “I love you” had become their morning ritual and evening lullaby for years. People would consider them as a perfect couple for the love they showed to each other. What happened? What’s wrong?

They did not know each other’s love language. No matter how much love one has for the other, and no matter how often one expresses it, it would still be nothing if one does not know the other’s love language. Love is not merely a feeling that fades. It is a language that needs to be learned, communicated and recognized. There are 5 languages in human relationship. Please refer to my previous post about this. I will be explaining each language and how to express each well in my succeeding posts.

How do you know your own (or your partner’s) love language? These are three things that you need to observe and study to know your own love language.

First, observe how you express more often your love to your partner. What are you fond of doing for your partner? This is the manner you express your love. You do it naturally and spontaneously, without being told and taught because this is who you are. This is how your love tank is built for. (I will explain what love tank is in my next posts) It is part of your system, and so you don’t have to think and decide when you do it. It comes out spontaneously. Have you caught yourself hugging your partner without any reason at all? Or giving your partner gifts even though there are no occasions and special events?
Second, notice what you complain about the most. You complain about it always because it is something you want to be appropriately addressed. You always perceive and talk about it, and not ignore it, because it matters to you. Do you and your partner always fight because he/she is always busy with a lot of things, and so having no time to spend together? Do you always complain about your partner not remembering your birthday and anniversary?
Lastly, know what you always ask/request from your partner. You most often ask for it because it will bring you joy and satisfaction. No matter how petty and small it is, you would fight for it, just to have it. It’s the way you want to be loved by your partner. The quantity, amount and frequency may not be counted and may not matter as long as love is expressed in the manner you want to be loved. Have you noticed your partner wondering why you’re crazy about a cheap chocolate being given to him/her on special occasion? Is your partner perplexed why you love to be with him/her for hours, doing nothing and talking about nothing?
Now, you know your love language, it’s time to know your partner’s love language. In my next post, I will be sharing with you a quiz/survey you have to take, or let your partner take to know your or his love language.
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Speak Your Partner’s Love Language!

Maryann — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 14:38:03 +0000

Hi friend! How are you? I hope that you’re enjoying your life. I want to share something interesting and meaningful with you. But before that, let me ask some personal questions.
Have you experienced problems in your relationship?
Have you encountered conflicts and misunderstanding in your marriage?
Are you about to give up on your partner?
Have you been accused of your friend or partner that you don’t love him/her?
Are you confused sometimes that no matter what you do to express your love to someone, it’s still not sufficient, not recognized, and not appreciated?
These questions will lead us to a great discussion on love and relationship. One of the reasons that there are broken relationships and marriages is that people have difficulty expressing their love to their partner, and their partner don’ feel, recognize and appreciate their love. Loving someone entails knowing the love language of one’s partner. No matter how one tries his best to love another person, this love will not be felt and recognized by the other if it is not expressed in his love language. Each person has his own love language. And we need to love the other not in the way we want to love him/her, but in the way he/she wants to be loved. This is what love language is all about. It is the form of love that one can easily understand and feel.

There are 5 love languages. A person may have one or more love languages, but one is dominant. Identify which your love language is. How do you want to be loved?
1. Touch
2. Words
3. Service
4. Gifts
5. Time
If you really love your friend or partner, you will try to know his/her love language, and love him/her in the way he/she wants to be loved. We need to consider their needs, not ours. In this way, no love will go to waste, misunderstandings and conflicts will be resolved, relationship will be deepened and strengthened, and doubts and fears will be lessened. My friend, Speak Your Partner’s Love Language! Moreover, one way to know your own love language is checking how you express your love to others. The way we love others is also the way we want to be loved.

Watch our for my succeeding posts. I will be explaining more what love language is. Subscribe to my Newsletter and Feeds to be updated.

If you want to know more how to deepen and improve your relationships, I strongly recommend that you consult this resource. I will be posting more recommended resources in my next posts. Invest in your relationships. Reap the fruits of your investment in the future. Have a great and love-filled day!

Marriage is a Work In Progress!

Maryann — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 16:19:31 +0000

Marriage is considered the sacred union and at the same time a complex relationship between two people. What keeps two people together or pulls them apart? There is no simple answer to that.

After going through a divorce I moved into a small apartment to start my life anew. While living there I made friends with my 70 year old neighbor. We bonded pretty well and would discuss about the ups and downs of our life. We seemed a pretty rare pair, as friends. Me in my 30s, and she in her 70s. But, what I learnt from her are the most precious life’s lessons, especially marriage.

I was talking to my 70 year old neighbor-friend about love and marriage. I was telling her how disappointed and disillusioned I felt about marriage after my divorce. I said to her “I don’t know what love is anymore. It’s like I have fallen out of falling in love and can never get married again. I gave my all to the relationship, yet it didn’t work! The word marriage scares me now. I don’t think I have any love left in me to give to anybody”.

To this she said, “I know how you feel. My husband and I have been together for more than 50 years, which is half a century! Yes, I know it sounds like a long time and it hasn’t always been rosy. We had our share of hiccups and have learnt to make our marriage work and have worked on it together. But you know, before him I was married to someone else for a year. I couldn’t bear to be in that horrible marriage and I got out of it. I felt exactly the same way back then until I met my husband. He helped me realize that one failure shouldn’t stop me from giving my all to the next. A marriage or love relationship can work when both partners work in tandem. It is a work in progress. You never stop working on it; each day you start your work afresh. There are ups and downs in every relationship and marriage is no exception. Get over the bad moments and cherish the good.”

The conversation was quite enlightening and encouraging for me. I realized that one unsuccessful relationship shouldn’t dishearten me from trying again. So with renewed interest I decided to pursue the prospect of marriage.

By,

Mary-Ann Roche

Rules of Building Love Relationships

Maryann — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 03:31:41 +0000

Setting out to find a suitable partner is a project. Realization of the need for a partner will lead to the search for one. When you come across someone that seems to be a prospective partner, you will go through the relationship building phase. This is a good chance to vet out the person for being the right one. Here are a few things you could use as guidelines for the budding relationship:
1)   Being truthful and consistent: Sometimes people tend to make some untruthful statements, either out of the compulsion to impress or with the assumption that the lie will cause no harm to anyone or simply because they can’t remember the correct details. Unfortunately everything you say counts in the making of a successful relationship. Because when the truth comes out, it is not only embarrassing but starts affecting your credibility. It could be about your age, your preferences or anything. Don’t tell lies, especially ones that can eventually be verified. If you can’t remember something don’t just say something to please the other person and later give another version of the same event. Again, it affects your credibility.
2)   Communicate Clearly: You should always be clear in the way you communicate with the other person. Whether it is about how you feel about something or about your likes and dislikes. If you have issues don’t hold them back, discuss them with the other person.
3)   Know what you want: Maybe making a List of what you are looking for in a partner, including marking the items that you can live with and can’t. If you haven’t made one and are already in a relationship, maybe you could make one now. Your current relationship could provide the benchmark for you.
4)   Don’t over-involve: There is a very thin line between over-involving and being involved. When you get over-involved the other person might misinterpret you as over-bearing or interfering. Learn when to draw the line.
5)   Don’t be self-centered and selfish: Make it about the other person.
6)   Expect to be Disappointed: You don’t always get everything you want or the way you want it, so make room for disappointments. Don’t let that creep into the relationship to the point that you nag and drive the other person away. Don’t have unreachable and unreasonable expectations.
7)   Last but not the least, enjoy every moment of the relationship, give it your best shot and if it doesn’t work use the lessons learnt from it to help you in your next venture.

By,
Mary-Ann Roche

Tantra for Men

Maryann — Thu, 27 May 2010 03:06:29 +0000

Expression of love is one of the factors influencing love relationships and partnerships. Sexual intimacy is one of the many forms of expressing love and building a connection. When this intimacy is filled with pleasure and satisfaction, it leads to a more fulfilling relationship. While, sexual intimacy is not the only expression or factor keeping a relationship going, it surely plays a major role in strengthening it. There are different ways of enhancing the experience for both man and the woman. Tantra is one of the techniques which prescribes practices for men, who want to take their relationship to a higher level.

Tantra is a Sanskrit word which, among other things, applies to the philosophy defining the universe as the divine play of Shakti and Shiva. Everything in life is divided into 2 parts: Yin and Yang, Black and White and when these 2 unite there is a flow of energy. In the same way the universe is considered an amalgamation of the 2 opposites, Shiva and Shakti. According to Tantra one of the ways in which the energy flows is when the man and woman make love; Love making is a means to the divine transcendent state. This free flow of energy transcends the body and the senses to experience the divine. When the 2 coagulate it is like a doorway is opened for the energy to flow in. The free flow of energy through the body will enable a blissful state.

Men can practice Tantra to not only experience the divine but also make their partner experience this divine. Through Tantra men can learn to use the senses to experience life wonderfully and the collection of exercises enable men to better tune into the intimacy and sweetness of the experience. Men can practice Tantra exercises to enhance their ability to satisfy their partner, maintain their vigor, increase their power to procreate and balance different levels of sexual drive. Tantra brings out all these qualities without any artificial means or medicines. Men can tread the path to the divine through the prescribed exercises of Tantra.

By
Mary-Ann Roche

How to be a Great Husband and Father

Maryann — Wed, 19 May 2010 01:37:05 +0000

Men are usually faced with a conflicting situation – To provide for the wife and child(ren) a man has to work, sometimes long hours, and in doing so they miss out on spending time with their family. So, should they work more and make more money to provide or work less and make less money to spend time with the family? It’s a tough challenge to strike a balance between the two. Balancing this is the crux of keeping the family as one unit and ensuring everybody’s happiness.

Through all my years of living with my parents I remember the Golden Rule set by my father – ‘No matter where you go or what you do during the day, be home for dinner’. Dinner was considered an exclusive family time in my house. And, my father rarely broke the rule and rarely allowed us to break this rule. That was a time when we would all get together and catch up with each other, and unwind the day’s happenings. There were days when we’d be rolling on the floor with laughter or when we’d be upset with each other over something or when nothing eventful would happen; however that was our pristine family time. That was the time when my father was balancing his role as the husband and father – knowing what’s happening in his wife’s and children’s lives, understanding their needs, giving undivided attention and building lasting memories. I still look back with fond memories of those days and wonder if people still believe in such activities.

Setting priorities is very important when it comes to balancing conflicting interests. While it’s important to fulfill your duties at work, it is equally important to fulfill your duties as a husband and father.

Set an exclusive time for the family, when you can unwind your day and catch up with your family. Divide and plan your activities between activities for the whole family and things that you can do exclusively with your wife. You don’t have to plan anything big. Maybe you can have something like a game night on one day of the week, when the whole family can get together and play some games. With your wife, maybe you could have a lunch date day if feasible.

Offer to take turns with your wife for the pickups and drop-offs. Your wife shouldn’t be the only one that takes your children to their school/classes/play dates. Offer to do that job sometimes, this would not only give your wife a much needed break, but help you connect with your children and know more about their activities.

Be the anchor for your family. Even if you don’t understand why they are upset be supportive of them when they are upset. You can rationalize later, when everyone calms down.

Everyone likes surprises. So, make room for some occasional surprises. Be the “Neighbor’s envy and Family’s pride”.

Mary-Ann Roche

How to Have a Long Distance Relationship

Maryann — Thu, 13 May 2010 00:25:10 +0000

The advent of technology has made reaching out to people so easy and convenient that distances and boundaries have almost vanished. Despite this most people seem to be biased about long distance relationships being successful.

People in a long distance relationship should first overcome the hurdle of physical distance. A person should get into a long distance relationship with the mindset that the distance will not be a hurdle and he/she will treat this relationship just the way they would a normal one, with a few adjustments here and there.

To make long distance relationship work people should set some ground rules and expectations. Rules will define how the relationship will be handled and expectations will define the emotional involvement aspect. Rules around the communication channels used, frequency of communication, how often to meet, what activities to share, extent of involvement of each in the other’s lives, handling of disagreements, etc. Expectations of where the relationship is going or what each one wants out of the relationship and how each will contribute to helping the other reach their goals.

When people live in different locations then the mode and means of communication becomes very essential to how the relationship shapes up. People should try not to limit the relationship to just phone conversations or emails or chats, etc. Using a combination of the modes available will be more effective, especially for people living in different time zones.

Set a finite schedule for meeting so that each will have something to look forward to. Waiting for something to happen without knowing when is always frustrating. This doesn’t imply No Surprises. Surprising your long distance partner with a sudden visit is wonderful, but that shouldn’t preclude a schedule. While making a meeting schedule remember to take turns for travelling. Only one person doing the travelling is frustrating and will take a toll on the relationship. So be fair to each other by deciding when and who will do the travelling.

Having common activities that can be shared and done together will help keep people stay connected. People need to have something in common to do, as a way to overcome the distance. This could be playing a game together online, reading a book and talking about it, solving puzzles, etc. Get creative and come up with something interesting for both.

Involving in each other’s lives will help understand and relate to each other better. Accept that the even though each lives in different locations they will remain connected and involve the other in their goings on.

Getting to know a person better will inevitably include some disagreements. Arguing over the phone or email or chat will only make matters worse. Try to hold off the argument until you meet each other. If the matter can’t wait that long, try to not let anger drive the argument. Be careful with your choice of words and mellow down the tone.

While I would say that making any relationship work is completely dependent on the people involved, I also believe that if certain standards are set and followed then any relationship can bloom. Long distance relationships are no exception to following some guidelines to be successful. Make distance a factor in the relationship not a drawback.

By
Mary-Ann Roche.

If You’ve Ever Had Trouble Talking To Women….texting can be sexy

Maryann — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 13:30:03 +0000

For a guy asking a woman out is not always easy. If you barely know her then its difficult to know what to say let alone when to say it! Often times she has friends around her and its difficult to get her undivided attention.

Texting is one way of asking a woman out on a date and can strangely enough be considered quite intimate and personal! Who would have thought? If you are one of those guys that tends to freeze when confronted by a beautiful woman, then texting can help ease the nervousness of being put on the spot.

When you meet a woman you really like and you have no idea what to say then taking her phone number may initially be your best move. Texting is great because it relieves that pressure of saying just the right thing at the right time, or it avoids that awkward silence you so often have when you meet someone new. The greatest thing about texting is that it removes the anxiety and gives you the confidence to perhaps say what you wouldnt necessarily say face to face!

With texting you can quickly ascertain a woman's level of interest in you. In fact when texting you can sometimes miss a few steps in the traditional dating game as there isnt that need for nervousness or shyness in a face to face interaction. Of course the face to face meeting will come but strangely enough when it does, there are so many hurdles you will already have overcome!

The greatest thing about texting is it really does allow you to be a little bold and perhaps express yourself more directly than you otherwise would. Texting really is here to stay and a great way to first begin talking to a woman you are interested in dating and in fact, texting your partner can sometimes be a very intimate experience only shared by the two of you!

For more secrets on texting woman successfully then grab a copy of Benjamin May's book "TEXT GAME SECRET".

MaryAnn Roche

Aspects of Intimacy in a Relationship

Maryann — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:56:47 +0000

I caught up with a friend for a coffee recently and she was telling me how had just had her regular session with her counsellor. Being recently married for the second time she told me there were so many issues surrounding her relationship that regular sessions helped her understand the important aspects of intimacy.

Interestingly enough she handed me a sheet of paper from her Counsellor outlining various aspects of intimacy and asked me if I felt I was ready for a relationship again. Here’s what I read:

Communication Intimacy – Connecting with your partner through talking. Sure I can do that I thought, that’s a no brainer.

Creative Intimacy – Sharing expressions of love in creative ways. Hmm not sure I can remember how to do that, I guess it would come back to me with practise!

Emotional Intimacy – Being in tune with each other’s emotions. Sure I can remember being in tune with someone like that but not convinced I want to be again..

Financial Intimacy – Developing a unified plan for budgeting, spending etc. Well hmm, for a minute there I thought she said financial dependency and I nearly forgot everything then and there and went out and found myself a man! Then I realised it was all about joining funds together and having to discuss what gets spent on what…ah no thanks.

Last but no least, Conflict Intimacy – Facing and struggling with differences together. That’s where I really had to draw the line..Having been in a relationship for a very long time and trusting someone beyond anything to find out when it really mattered, when it was a life or death situation that there was no facing of a struggle together I had to wish for dear friend all the best in her relationship.

Yes negative I know, and perhaps one day I will be ready and willing to understand the complex issues of intimacy in a relationship but until then…its singledom for me!

Mary-Ann Roche.

Looking for More Intimacy in your Life?

Maryann — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 12:07:50 +0000

Remember that feeling you got when you went out on your 2nd date? That passion you felt and desire for intimacy with that person? As your relationship progresses and time goes on it is so easy to let intimacy slip, but intimacy is vital for maintaining a long lasting and satisfying relationship. Just how do we lose the intimacy in our relationship and how can we gain more intimacy in our relationships?

Is it a few years on in your relationship and you have young children, a mortgage, work pressures and no time? Do you feel like there is no intimacy in your relationship? How will change this and are you really looking for more intimacy in your life?

Are you further down the track in your relationship and the kids have left home and you find yourself and your partner have completely lost the intimacy between you?

You can regain the intimacy in your relationship if you really want it, but it will require work and commitment for both parties.

Deciding firstly that you need to set aside time for intimacy is the first step. Then organising that time together and understanding that intimacy isnt just about sex. Sure sex plays an important part in it, but it is more about connecting again as a couple, remembering and reminiscing on why you got together in the first place. It’s about touching and holding and ultimately sex forms an important part of regaining that intimacy.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Understanding Intimacy

Maryann — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 09:16:21 +0000

So many people confuse sex or the act of making love as intimacy. They couldn’t be more wrong! Understanding intimacy is very important when in a relationship with someone, for it is only in understanding intimacy that we can truly achieve it.

In understanding intimacy one needs to firstly understand that true intimacy is about connecting on a deep and intimate level with someone . Intimacy is about sharing your needs and desires and your inner most feelings with someone together with sharing your body.

Why do so many of us have trouble understanding Intimacy?

I suppose intimacy is not really someone we learn at school and sometimes things happen to us in our journey through life that cause us to fear intimacy. For real intimacy to be achieved the basis is trust. Trusting in yourself and trusting another person enough for them to know everything about you. Everything about how you feel, what you like, what your fears are, to know and understand you physically on a sexual level.

Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it with someone takes courage and commitment and of course love. Courage to expose yourself to someone else, so they can truly see you for who you are. Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it certainly takes commitment, a dedication to the relationship, a willingness to grow and learn with and about the other person.

More tips on understanding and achieving intimacy can be found here.

When we begin a relationship intimacy is simple, we cannot seem to get enough of that person! As time passes however and the relationship continues it is very easy to slip into complacency. Remember being in a relationship and being intimate with someone takes effort!

One of the most important ingredients in a successful intimate relationship is the ability to communicate. Communicate when you like something the other person does not just when you don’t! Communication sexually is just as important.

Understanding intimacy and achieving it with a partner brings a special bond, its the very basis for getting up each day, that passion and desire for another!

MaryAnn Roche

Relationship Advice: Ladies, Speak Up

Maryann — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:09:53 +0000

Many adult women of today where told by their parents, when they were little girls, to be nice, quiet, obedient and not to complain. They wanted to be good in order not to upset mommy and daddy, so they did what they were told. They obeyed and when there was something they didn’t like, they kept it to themselves.

These little girls grew up and today they are thirty, forty, fifty. They are experienced, self-confident and educated. But even today they are subconsciously afraid of admitting that something is wrong. They fear that their partner will blame them for creating problems, get upset and eventually stop loving them. However, being tight-lipped is one of the most destructive relationship mistakes. And if you don’t dare to talk about what bothers you and to express your wishes, you’re not being a good girl at all. On the contrary.

We all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Usually, women are considered more communicative, while men tend to find it more difficult to open up, show their emotions and discuss relationship issues.

However, there is one communication area in which we, women, often do not excel. Many of us have problems telling the truth when something is wrong and expressing exactly what we want. Instead, we expect men to see what’s wrong and to guess what we want. The bad news is that men are no mind readers and most of the time they believe what we tell them.

Let’s have a look at this typical example: Your partner asks you if you’re okay. You say that you are. He’s happy and goes about his day. But in reality, you’re not okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you’re sad, maybe you have a headache, maybe he said something or did something annoying. However, you don’t say a word because you expect him to know, to see it, to feel it. He would, if he really loved you, right? So you get frustrated and furious. He doesn’t understand why you’re snapping at him, and he says you’re hysterical. It makes you even more furious because you’re angry for a reason. He still doesn’t understand. You end up fighting for nothing. Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s quite possible that your mum or your best friend really see when something is wrong and don’t leave you alone until you tell them. However, most men are much more straightforward and a bit less empathetic than women, and when you say you’re fine, they take your word for it.

So my advice is: Speak up and tell your partner how you feel and what you think. Believe me, he can take it. Actually, he’ll be happy to listen, advice and help, or just to hug you and support you.

The same rule applies to relationship issues. Maybe something he does (or did) has been bugging you for some time. Maybe you would like to spend more time together or do different things. Maybe his habits are ticking you off. He can’t know it unless you tell him, and such little “secrets” have ruined many good relationships. The tension keeps building up, you’re not happy, he can see that but he doesn’t understand why. It leads to unnecessary fights and even to break-ups.

Your partner wants your relationship to work, just like you do. He wants to be happy, just like you want him to be happy. And he wants to know what’s going on in your head, just like you want to know what’s going on in his. Talking about things that bother you and about those that you want or long for should become a natural part of your relationship. So start today. Tell your partner you want to discuss something over a good meal on Friday night and believe me, he’ll be ready to listen. Don’t accuse each other and don’t complain, just talk about things that you would like to change. Stop keeping your worries to yourself. You’re in this together, it’s your relationship and you love each other, so be honest and open. And remember, hints are useless and they don’t work, so don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. You will see that straightforwardness is something that men deeply appreciate.

Written by Barbora Knobova.

Is your relationship draining you?

Maryann — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:21:26 +0000

Is your relationship draining you? How to avoid it……..

I am sure it is easy for all of us to stay in a negative relationship, one which started out perfect,then, started to change almost overnight. There comes a time where you have to decide whether or not the positive attributes outweigh the negative ones when it comes to your relationship choices. When you are feeling unhappy and emotionally drained after a break up, you might not be too optimistic about getting yourself back out there. It is not easy to open yourself up to new opportunities, but it is the only way you’re going to reach the happiness we all seek.

The most beneficial thing you can do is to educate yourself to the point that you know what to look for and what to avoid. This is not by any means a fail-proof plan, but by applying certain strategies, you stand to increase your chances of finding a fulfilling, lasting relationship.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Try taking these steps to avoid negative relationships:

Step 1

Avoid going back to the wrong person. When you’re feeling particularly lonely, it is hard to fight the urge to fall back on someone that you feel comfortable with even though you know they not right for you. Your head tells you that this person is not “the one” and yet your heart tells you to go crawling back anyway, convincing you they can change. Chances are, they won’t.

Step 2

You need to spend time getting to know your partner well. Focus on getting to know your partner first before it becomes a more serious relationship. You need to try the in depth conversations close to the start of the relationship. This gives you the scope to decide to work through it or move on quickly, if there are any nagging doubts.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Step 3

Get an insight into your partner’s history. Did you find any disturbing events in his or her past? You need to move on quickly from people who have a history of violence or intense form of addiction. If you have this knowledge and you choose to pursue the relationship, you must set ground rules and proceed with caution.

Step 4

Manipulative people are best avoided. It is not easy to realize it at first, but being manipulated often can be seriously draining on your relationship. If your partner is controlling, and their motives seem to be selfish, it is not the most pleasant relationship to be in. You must recognize the behavior and move on before becoming attached to this type of person. Recognize these red flags!

Step 5

It is important to prepare a list of the qualities you desire in a partner. By including the qualities you like and also dislike, will make it easier to determine if this is the right relationship for you.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Here’s a tip:

Superficial things such as looks, are best avoided, because these types of things will likely change with age. You need to be attracted to their personality, genuinely liking them as a person. Just pure human nature tells us relationships are difficult to maintain. We shouldn’t base our future hopes on the fact that many relationships just come to an end. The world is full of people that will be a perfect match, have faith. It is important to avoid relationships that drain our energy and destroy our soul.

Remember:

We all have a right to make choices. Focus yourself, walk the path to finding the right partner for you and then take the steps to make it the positive relationship you’ve always dreamed of!

Love & Passion Relationship Program

A really great Relationship Program by Anthony Robbins, for anyone wanting to improve their existing relationship or to find that special partner! This program provides you with the tools you need to attract and sustain a passionate, loving relationship. Find more information at the Anthony Robbins website.

By MaryAnn Roche.