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Remember that feeling you got when you went out on your 2nd date? That passion you felt and desire for intimacy with that person?  As your relationship progresses and time goes on it is so easy to let intimacy slip, but intimacy is vital for maintaining a long lasting and satisfying relationship. Just how do we lose the intimacy in our relationship and how can we gain more intimacy in our relationships?

Is it a few years on in your relationship and you have young children, a mortgage, work pressures and no time? Do you feel like there is no intimacy in your relationship? How will change this and are you really looking for more intimacy in your life?

Are you further down the track in your relationship and the kids have left home and you find yourself and your partner have completely lost the intimacy between you?

You can regain the intimacy in your relationship if you really want it, but it will require work and commitment for both parties.

Deciding firstly that you need to set aside time for intimacy is the first step. Then organising that time together and understanding that intimacy isnt just about sex. Sure sex plays an important part in it, but it is more about connecting again as a couple, remembering and reminiscing on why you got together in the first place. It’s about touching and holding and ultimately sex forms an important part of regaining that intimacy.

By MaryAnn Roche.

So many people confuse sex or the act of making love as intimacy. They couldn’t be more wrong!  Understanding intimacy is very important when in a relationship with someone, for it is only in understanding intimacy that we can truly achieve it.

In understanding intimacy one needs to firstly understand that true intimacy is about connecting on a deep and intimate level with someone . Intimacy is about sharing your needs and desires and your inner most feelings with someone together with sharing your body.

Why do so many of us have trouble understanding Intimacy?

I suppose intimacy is not really someone we learn at school and sometimes things happen to us in our journey through life that cause us to fear intimacy.  For real intimacy to be achieved the basis is trust.  Trusting in yourself and trusting another person enough for them to know everything about you.  Everything about how you feel, what you like, what your fears are, to know and understand you physically on a sexual level.

Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it with someone takes courage and commitment and of course love. Courage to expose yourself to someone else, so they can truly see you for who you are. Understanding intimacy and wanting to achieve it certainly takes commitment, a dedication to the relationship, a willingness to grow and learn with and about the other person.

More tips on understanding and achieving intimacy can be found here.

When we begin a relationship intimacy is simple, we cannot seem to get enough of that person!  As time passes however and the relationship continues it is very easy to slip into complacency. Remember being in a relationship and being intimate with someone takes effort!

One of the most important ingredients in a successful intimate relationship is the ability to communicate.  Communicate when you like something the other person does not just when you don’t!  Communication sexually is just as important.

Understanding intimacy and achieving it with a partner brings a special bond, its the very basis for getting up each day, that passion and desire for another!

By

MaryAnn Roche

Many adult women of today where told by their parents, when they were little girls, to be nice, quiet, obedient and not to complain. They wanted to be good in order not to upset mommy and daddy, so they did what they were told. They obeyed and when there was something they didn’t like, they kept it to themselves.

 These little girls grew up and today they are thirty, forty, fifty. They are experienced, self-confident and educated. But even today they are subconsciously afraid of admitting that something is wrong. They fear that their partner will blame them for creating problems, get upset and eventually stop loving them. However, being tight-lipped is one of the most destructive relationship mistakes. And if you don’t dare to talk about what bothers you and to express your wishes, you’re not being a good girl at all. On the contrary.

We all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship. Usually, women are considered more communicative, while men tend to find it more difficult to open up, show their emotions and discuss relationship issues.

However, there is one communication area in which we, women, often do not excel. Many of us have problems telling the truth when something is wrong and expressing exactly what we want. Instead, we expect men to see what’s wrong and to guess what we want. The bad news is that men are no mind readers and most of the time they believe what we tell them.

Let’s have a look at this typical example: Your partner asks you if you’re okay. You say that you are. He’s happy and goes about his day. But in reality, you’re not okay. Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you’re sad, maybe you have a headache, maybe he said something or did something annoying. However, you don’t say a word because you expect him to know, to see it, to feel it. He would, if he really loved you, right? So you get frustrated and furious. He doesn’t understand why you’re snapping at him, and he says you’re hysterical. It makes you even more furious because you’re angry for a reason. He still doesn’t understand. You end up fighting for nothing. Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s quite possible that your mum or your best friend really see when something is wrong and don’t leave you alone until you tell them. However, most men are much more straightforward and a bit less empathetic than women, and when you say you’re fine, they take your word for it.

So my advice is: Speak up and tell your partner how you feel and what you think. Believe me, he can take it. Actually, he’ll be happy to listen, advice and help, or just to hug you and support you.

The same rule applies to relationship issues. Maybe something he does (or did) has been bugging you for some time. Maybe you would like to spend more time together or do different things. Maybe his habits are ticking you off. He can’t know it unless you tell him, and such little “secrets” have ruined many good relationships. The tension keeps building up, you’re not happy, he can see that but he doesn’t understand why. It leads to unnecessary fights and even to break-ups.

Your partner wants your relationship to work, just like you do. He wants to be happy, just like you want him to be happy. And he wants to know what’s going on in your head, just like you want to know what’s going on in his. Talking about things that bother you and about those that you want or long for should become a natural part of your relationship. So start today. Tell your partner you want to discuss something over a good meal on Friday night and believe me, he’ll be ready to listen. Don’t accuse each other and don’t complain, just talk about things that you would like to change. Stop keeping your worries to yourself. You’re in this together, it’s your relationship and you love each other, so be honest and open. And remember, hints are useless and they don’t work, so don’t expect your partner to read between the lines. You will see that straightforwardness is something that men deeply appreciate.

 Written by Barbora Knobova.

Is your relationship draining you? How to avoid it……..

I am sure it is easy for all of us to stay in a negative relationship, one which started out perfect,then, started to change almost overnight. There comes a time where you have to decide whether or not the positive attributes outweigh the negative ones when it comes to your relationship choices. When you are feeling unhappy and emotionally drained after a break up, you might not be too optimistic about getting yourself back out there. It is not easy to open yourself up to new opportunities, but it is the only way you’re going to reach the happiness we all seek.

The most beneficial thing you can do is to educate yourself to the point that you know what to look for and what to avoid. This is not by any means a fail-proof plan, but by applying certain strategies, you stand to increase your chances of finding a fulfilling, lasting relationship.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Try taking these steps to avoid negative relationships:

Step 1

Avoid going back to the wrong person. When you’re feeling particularly lonely, it is hard to fight the urge to fall back on someone that you feel comfortable with even though you know they not right for you. Your head tells you that this person is not “the one” and yet your heart tells you to go crawling back anyway, convincing you they can change. Chances are, they won’t.

Step 2

You need to spend time getting to know your partner well. Focus on getting to know your partner first before it becomes a more serious relationship. You need to try the in depth conversations close to the start of the relationship. This gives you the scope to decide to work through it or move on quickly, if there are any nagging doubts.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Step 3

Get an insight into your partner’s history. Did you find any disturbing events in his or her past? You need to move on quickly from people who have a history of violence or intense form of addiction. If you have this knowledge and you choose to pursue the relationship, you must set ground rules and proceed with caution.

Step 4

Manipulative people are best avoided. It is not easy to realize it at first, but being manipulated often can be seriously draining on your relationship. If your partner is controlling, and their motives seem to be selfish, it is not the most pleasant relationship to be in. You must recognize the behavior and move on before becoming attached to this type of person. Recognize these red flags!

Step 5

It is important to prepare a list of the qualities you desire in a partner. By including the qualities you like and also dislike, will make it easier to determine if this is the right relationship for you.

1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

Here’s a tip:

Superficial things such as looks, are best avoided, because these types of things will likely change with age. You need to be attracted to their personality, genuinely liking them as a person. Just pure human nature tells us relationships are difficult to maintain. We shouldn’t base our future hopes on the fact that many relationships just come to an end. The world is full of people that will be a perfect match, have faith. It is important to avoid relationships that drain our energy and destroy our soul.

Remember:

We all have a right to make choices. Focus yourself, walk the path to finding the right partner for you and then take the steps to make it the positive relationship you’ve always dreamed of!

Love & Passion Relationship Program

A really great Relationship Program by Anthony Robbins, for anyone wanting to improve their existing relationship or to find that special partner!  This program provides you with the tools you need to attract and sustain a passionate, loving relationship.  Find more information at the Anthony Robbins website.

By MaryAnn Roche.

Insecurity in Relationships….

I am sure at some stage or another in our many relationships that mould us into the person we are today, we have at some point suffered feelings of doubt and insecurity. Unfortunately, this can wreak havoc not only on your intimate relationships, but our whole world in general. There are so many different things that influence us into believing we are “Not Good Enough”. If only we all realized how full of worth and beauty each and every one of us are.

I think the best way to explain this is to give you some real insight into someone who has repeated this pattern over and over, throughout their whole life.

Boys and relationships start earlier for some people and later for others, but our pattern of feelings and actions start from the very beginning. Bearing in mind, the early partners we choose, and the way they treat us can lead us into a lifetime pattern, of insecurity and self doubt. Other times I think it is something in our make-up that we can only strive to conquer and improve.

I started my very first long term serious relationship at the tender age of 15, and it lasted until just before my 19^th birthday. I remember from the start being very needy and seeking constant reassurance. He was very devoted, spoilt me and paid me so much attention, so why did I still feel like I wasn’t good enough, that every girl that walked past was better. Why did I always think there was something better out there for me but yet try so hard to have his approval. I was so sure when we dined out or went to public places that people were thinking I looked silly and wasn’t cool enough to be there. I am still working on conquering these feelings today. It would turn out to be something I repeated in most of my intimate relationships.

I married at 20, happy but not quite as in love as I knew I should be, but once again tried to make sure I looked perfect all the time so he couldn’t possibly desire anyone else. I had felt from an early age that I would be “Left on the Shelf”, so in all reality I had everything I had thought I had wanted. A man totally devoted to me, so why did I always think I wasn’t good enough. My marriage ended when I was 39, again I found myself searching for that elusive relationship I was sure I could find.

Insecurity comes and rears it’s ugly head, no matter how perfect you think you are being, and you find yourself wondering how you can make this person want you more than life itself. You can throw yourself into their life to a point where you feel you are indispensible to this person. Insecurity drove me to do things that I would be appalled at if my daughter was doing them. I cooked meals and delivered them, picked up children and baby-sat, formed relationships with family members carefully placing myself at the centre of his world. How could he live without me, I was charming, witty, attractive, yet so desperately seeking approval. Unfortunately this type of behavior eventually drives a person away, in turn achieving the exact opposite of what we so desperately desire. A person who is strong, confident and independent is so much more attractive to other person, which in turn leads to the very thing we are striving for. But how do we find this? What can we do to get to this point…….It takes time and hard work to find that true inner strength, which believe me is in all of us.

I look back now and see all the wonderful promise I had, but never believed in. When I found myself alone, for the first time since I was fourteen, I was devastated and was sure I couldn’t go on. A very dear Uncle of mine said to me at the time-What don’t you get Lisa-You are the catch now, you have your own home, a great job, nice car and are great company. I smiled and agreed, but inside was that nagging insecurity again. It was only eight years ago that these words were spoken to me, and to this day I wished I had the strength back then to believe I was worthy of a great relationship. You can have so much if you can fight your way out of your inner most self doubt.

Today I know that I am a ‘Catch’ and that I will find that true happy relationship. I urge all of you to fight back against these awful feelings of doubt after all, we, each and every one of us has something to offer the world that is truly unique and beautiful…….Ourselves!

By MaryAnn Roche